Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register

Author Topic: The Stupid any-day-of-the-week joke....  (Read 229147 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Clockwork Orange

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 990 Adventure
    Location: United Kingdom
  • Posts: 2,550
  • Thanked: 87 times
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #40 on: November 09, 2006, 01:56:48 pm »
Quote from: "Stephan"
Feels like it should be Friday!  :oops:  :oops:  :lol:


I suppose it is Friday today cause tomorrow I am off to the Bav :twisted:
When in doubt...grab throttle!!!
 

Offline Stephan

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 1,540
  • bwk
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #41 on: November 09, 2006, 01:59:32 pm »
Enjoy and have beer for the poor souls that have to wait for the report back!  :wink:
Hard reality does not often coincide with the people's wishes - Nelson Mandela
 

Offline Clockwork Orange

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 990 Adventure
    Location: United Kingdom
  • Posts: 2,550
  • Thanked: 87 times
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #42 on: November 09, 2006, 02:05:29 pm »
Quote from: "Stephan"
Enjoy and have beer for the poor souls that have to wait for the report back!  :wink:


Thanks, in fact I will have a couple for EACH person that cant make it....Hic
When in doubt...grab throttle!!!
 

Offline IceCreamMan

  • Pawn star
  • Grey hound
  • ****
  • Bike: Triumph (all models)
    Location: United Kingdom
  • Posts: 6,858
  • Thanked: 863 times
  • What me worry?
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #43 on: November 09, 2006, 02:14:41 pm »
Heard this on the radio this morning :

"What does the average porra weigh?"

"Vegetables"
Born to lose, live to win!!
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #44 on: November 10, 2006, 08:44:19 am »
A man walks into a bar. As he passes the cigarette machine,
he hears it say, "You smell bad and you are ugly." Then he
hears a voice apparently coming from a nearby plate of
peanuts. "You really are a very handsome young man." the nuts
claim.

The man turns to the bartender and asks for an explination.

The bartender replies, "The cigarette machine is out of
order and the nuts are complimentary."
 

Kev

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #45 on: November 10, 2006, 10:24:46 am »
:groan:  :D
 

Red

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #46 on: November 10, 2006, 10:27:13 am »
This time it is not my fault.

Innocent, innocent, innocent!
 

Kev

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #47 on: November 10, 2006, 10:29:28 am »
Quote from: "Red"
Innocent, innocent, innocent!

 
Ha! And you want us to believe that?  :wink:
 

Red

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #48 on: November 10, 2006, 10:33:22 am »
May I?  May I?  PLEASE???
 

Red

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #49 on: November 10, 2006, 10:39:23 am »
Too late.  No response.  Here it is!

 

Kev

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #50 on: November 10, 2006, 01:25:38 pm »
Gah!!!  :shock:  He should have a beer or few instead of that milkshake looking thing... and then... chee-ching!  8)  Works for plenty folks!  :lol:
 

Offline Scribble

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1150GS Adventure
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 2,295
  • Thanked: 1 times
  • RIP Coco thanks for the great times
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #51 on: November 10, 2006, 01:45:32 pm »
a bra and set of jumper cables walk into a bar the bra goes up to the counter and orders a couple of beers
the barman says im not serving you sorry
the bra asks why not , barman answers ,well youre off your tits
and your mate looks like he wants to start something
"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is often difficult to verify their authenticity." - Abraham Lincoln
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #52 on: November 17, 2006, 06:06:54 am »
A traveler became lost in the desert region of Algeria.  Realizing
his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began
walking.  Time passed, and he became thirsty.  More time passed,
and he began feeling faint.  Reduced to crawling, he was on the
verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in
front of him.  Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out,
"Water...".

A bedouin appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically,
"I am sorry, sir, but I have no water.  However, would you like to
buy a tie?"   With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite
silken neckwear.

"You fool," gasped the man.  "I'm dying!  I need water!"

"Well, sir," replied the bedouin, "If you really need water, there is
a tent about 2 kilometers south of here where you can get some."

Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to
drag his parched body the distance to the second tent.  With his
last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and
collapsed.

Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door
and enquired, "May I help you sir?"

"Water..." was the feeble reply.

"Oh, sir," replied the bedouin, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in
here without a tie!"
 

Offline Stephan

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 1,540
  • bwk
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #53 on: November 17, 2006, 08:13:14 am »
ATGATT!
Hard reality does not often coincide with the people's wishes - Nelson Mandela
 

Offline Stephan

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 1,540
  • bwk
Little Johnny
« Reply #54 on: November 17, 2006, 08:55:41 am »
TEACHER:  Why are you late?
JOHNNY:  Because of the sign.
TEACHER:  What sign?
JOHNNY:  The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
 *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER:  What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY:  "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
JOHNNY:  Yesterday you said it's   H    to     O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
JOHNNY:  Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER:  Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY:  Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER:  Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
JOHNNY:  I is...
TEACHER: No, Johnny. Always say, "I am."
JOHNNY:  All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY:  "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
 *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers  Before eating?
JOHNNY:  No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER:  Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly  The same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHNNY:  No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
JOHNNY: A teacher
Hard reality does not often coincide with the people's wishes - Nelson Mandela
 

Red

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #55 on: November 17, 2006, 01:51:17 pm »
A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window, and asks the little man what's wrong.

"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.
"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."
So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off.
 
A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little man what the matter is.

"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.
 
So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as can do."
He hands a tin of Coke down to the little man and drives off.
 
A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps," Yes, you little blue moffie, what planet are you from and what do you want?"

 And the little man answers, "Your driver's license, please..."
 

Offline >Herman<

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS Adventure
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 3,697
  • Thanked: 15 times
  • If not now, when?
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #56 on: December 01, 2006, 08:11:21 am »
A man boarded an aircraft in New York and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! she took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in France."

He swallowed hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he smiled, "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Indian descent. We have found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Afrikaners."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name."

"Running Bear," the man said...."Running Bear Moodley, but my friends call me Frik."

Uncle Bob

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #57 on: December 01, 2006, 02:24:37 pm »
What do you call father Christmas's wife ?



















Mary Christmas.





sorry
 

Kev

  • Guest
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #58 on: December 08, 2006, 11:20:33 pm »
Ag nee man. No silly Friday joke today?  :(
 

Offline Plothond

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 1090 Adventure R
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 4,903
  • Thanked: 5 times
  • I was powerslide pozer KING & TV personality
The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #59 on: December 09, 2006, 01:40:37 pm »
OK then, for yesterday
This guy (lets call him Frik) gets a job as a bus conductor.
In his first week he drives over a pedestrian and kills him. For this little error he gets the death sentence - electric chair !!!
The big day comes, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the handle. Well the place is plunged into darkness and ..... silence. When the power is restored, lo and behold - there Frik is staring wide eyed at the executioner. Now the law of the country is that you cannot be punished twice for the same offence, so he gets set free and after some wrangling in the labour court (this is RSA after all) he gets his old job back !!

Not long after, in fit of rage he pushes a passenger out of the bus whilst in motion and kills him.
The whole criminal process starts again and he ends up in the infamous chair again. This time they're not taking any chances and double the amps and pour water over the poor chap.

The handle gets pulled again and.........
Same result !!!!

Not long after he is driving down Beyers Naude drive with a full cargo of witness... (sorry passengers) and whilst an old lady is boarding the bus he pulls of against a lamp pole and well.... the mess is terrible.

Now the RSA criminal justice system is taking no chances. There is not even a court case - he goes straight to the chair, but not the same chair. This one is specially built out of the most expensive conductive material known to man. The furnaces at Vanderbijlpark and Iscor are turned off and that power is also routed to the electric chair. The big moment comes and when that handle is dropped, the entire power grid in Gauteng goes down and the flicker and ripple effect is felt in Cape Town. There is an almighty bang !!!! and k@k and hare everywhere. When the dust settles - there is Frik, just sitting there, almost a bit irritated.

The warden walks up to him and says "I just do not get it - how do you do it". Frik just replies - dunno, maybe I'm just a bad conductor !!!!
I used to be indecisive, but I'm not so sure anymore

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work