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Kev

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #60 on: December 09, 2006, 06:03:24 pm »
Thanks! That was actually funny! Kak and hare everywhere!!!  :lol:  :lol:
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #61 on: January 12, 2007, 09:00:59 am »
A Des Moines, Iowa physician has discovered a sure cure for nervousness in women. He tells them that it’s a sign of old age.
 

Offline Stephan

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #62 on: January 12, 2007, 10:39:10 am »
+1   :D  :D  

Thought you forgot about your duties!
Hard reality does not often coincide with the people's wishes - Nelson Mandela
 

Offline FortyZA

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #63 on: January 12, 2007, 11:05:32 am »
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and
the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me. Smiling, she leads him to the side
of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him.

"Did you call for me?" says the big hairy man.

No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man then spins him around, bends him over a
bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.

"May I help you?", she says.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card, you can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month but I fart 15 times a day"
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Offline spyker

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #64 on: January 12, 2007, 11:20:21 am »
:D  :D

Agter osse kom ook in die kraal
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #65 on: January 26, 2007, 11:04:07 am »
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.  She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke.  I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
 

Offline SuperJuice

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #66 on: January 26, 2007, 11:08:42 am »
Patrick met Stacey in a nightclub.
They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Stacey invited Patrick to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.
After a short while, Stacey began tenderly stroking Patrick's manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Patrick commented, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"
Stacey replied, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and miss the days when I had mine...
At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
 

Offline SuperJuice

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #67 on: January 26, 2007, 12:41:59 pm »
A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"
At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
 

Offline SuperJuice

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #68 on: January 26, 2007, 12:43:19 pm »
A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra shorts, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut."
The hairdresser checks her out and says, "OK, sit down and take off your headphones."
"No way!" shouts the blonde, "If I take off my headphones, I'll die!"
"Then I can't give you a haircut," replies the hairdresser.
So the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. She sees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, "I need a haircut... but you can't take off my headphones or I'll die!"
The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, "OK, no problem. Have a seat." So the blonde sits down and the hairdresser comes up behind her, and when she isn't looking, he rips the headphones off her head.
Suddenly the blonde starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keels over and dies right there in the salon chair.
The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. He leans over and cautiously listens into the blonde's headphones and he hears... "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."
At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
 

Offline Stofstreep

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #69 on: February 02, 2007, 09:05:55 am »
This guy named Thor, went clubbing one night.
At the club he meets this nice girl and they seem to Click.
Later that night, they end up in bed and things get real hot.

Early the next morning the girl wakes up and go for a shower.
Thor wakes up and realizes that he don't enven know the girls name.
He rushes into the bathroom and says, "Hi i'm Thor"

The girl replies"You think your thor, i tho thore i can't even pith"
Be careful of the words you say.
And keep them soft and sweet.
For you never know from day to day.
Which ones you'll have to eat.
 

Offline IDR

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Pygmy
« Reply #70 on: February 02, 2007, 09:22:41 am »
A hunter, walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pygmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?"
 
The pygmy said "Yes."
 
The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?"
 
The pygmy said, "I killed it with my club."
 
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"
 
The pygmy replied, "There are about 200 of us."
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline IDR

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Guts
« Reply #71 on: February 02, 2007, 09:36:23 am »
GUTS....is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline SuperJuice

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #72 on: February 02, 2007, 09:37:49 am »
Satan, having arrived in Cape Town, meets Gatiep and asks him:''Do you know
who I am?"

Gatiep replies: "Nei , man, djy's nie vannie Kap nie, give me a hint."

The Devil says:"I am the prince of darkness."

Gatiep exclaims:"Ooh , djy's a bigshot by Eskom!"
At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
 

Offline Grootseun

Robbery
« Reply #73 on: February 09, 2007, 08:38:37 am »
Two dyslexics walk into a bank:

"Air in the hands motherstickers... this is a F#ckup..."
 

Offline Maverick

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #74 on: February 09, 2007, 11:26:25 am »
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.

Jane, a reporter, went to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.

As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed, "What the hell did you do that for?"

Tarzan replied, "Always check for squirrels."
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Offline Eisbein

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #75 on: February 09, 2007, 04:06:15 pm »
Filosofie vraag:

Q: What is red and invisible ?



A: No apples.


:groan:

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Offline LuckyStriker

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #76 on: February 09, 2007, 04:23:10 pm »
Quote from: "Eisbein"
Filosofie vraag:...

It speaks!
 :twisted:  :wink:
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #77 on: February 16, 2007, 08:40:28 am »
ITS FRIDAY WHOHOOO!!!! I almost forgot my duty. :oops:

A frog calls a psychic
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
 

Offline Clockwork Orange

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #78 on: February 16, 2007, 08:49:10 am »
First time sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time . The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. Tha t night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was the pharmacist."
When in doubt...grab throttle!!!
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #79 on: February 28, 2007, 02:38:42 pm »
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"