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Author Topic: The Stupid any-day-of-the-week joke....  (Read 229143 times)

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Offline Clockwork Orange

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #80 on: February 28, 2007, 03:13:16 pm »
:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

By the way GS incase you are confused ....its not Friday yet :roll:
When in doubt...grab throttle!!!
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #81 on: February 28, 2007, 03:19:00 pm »
dont i know that....!!!!

But thanx for reminding me AGAIN!!!
 

Offline IDR

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #82 on: March 08, 2007, 02:53:07 pm »
It's almost Friday...:

Die blinde man kom by die winkel in. Hy gryp sy gidshond aan die stert en swaai hom al in die rondte bokant sy kop.

“Kan ek help?” vra die verbaasde winkel eienaar.

“Nee dankie, ek kyk sommer ‘n bietjie rond.”
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline JourneyMan

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #83 on: March 08, 2007, 02:55:36 pm »
:lol:  :lol:  :lol:
He who angers you, controls you.
 

Offline IDR

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #84 on: March 08, 2007, 03:13:33 pm »
ooh ooh ooh...  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Van had a blind date last night - Her name was :. :.: ..: ::. ::.
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline Stephan

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #85 on: March 08, 2007, 03:25:48 pm »
Help, help!  Can't feel the dots!  :shock:
Hard reality does not often coincide with the people's wishes - Nelson Mandela
 

Offline Lito

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #86 on: March 08, 2007, 03:54:16 pm »
Quote from: "Stephan"
Help, help!  Can't feel the dots!  :shock:


u should try a little up mate, theyre just below the collarbone..... :twisted:
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #87 on: March 09, 2007, 08:27:04 am »
Here's a triple for friday morning..


 How long are a horse's legs?

 Long enough to reach the ground.


 When do vampires like horse racing?

 When it's neck and neck.



Where do horses stay in a hotel?

In the bridle suite.
 

Offline IDR

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #88 on: March 09, 2007, 08:28:42 am »
Quote from: "Grootseun"
Here's a triple for friday morning..


 How long are a horse's legs?

 Long enough to reach the ground.


 When do vampires like horse racing?

 When it's neck and neck.



Where do horses stay in a hotel?

In the bridle suite.


I know it's called the "Stupid" Friday joke - but those were ridiculous.  You're going to have to try harder.
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #89 on: March 09, 2007, 08:32:43 am »
A high standard was set with "I taped Matrix 4 ont he TV last night"

Unfortunately.. i have nothing to beat that one...

I know the horse jokes were lame...pun intended..but it's all i got today...
 

Offline IDR

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #90 on: March 09, 2007, 08:36:12 am »
Quote from: "Grootseun"
it's all i got today...


We're going to have to put in a concerted team effort...
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline IDR

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #91 on: March 09, 2007, 08:37:33 am »
Let's start it off slowly:

 A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife
"Ya know sumptin', womon, we have a wonderful new system at de Fire
Station...
Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings, we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings, we jump on de engine and we's ready to go.

So from now on womon, when I say 'Bell one', I want you to strip
naked.
When I say 'Bell two', you jump on de bed.
When I say 'Bell three', we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl."
 
The next night he came home and shouted:
"Bell One!", and his wife stripped naked.
"Bell Two!", and she jumped on the bed.
"Bell Three!", and they started to make love.

After a few minutes, the wife yelled out "Bell Four!".
 
"WOMON... What da hell is 'Bell Four'?", he asked.
 
She replied
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MON, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DA FIRE!!!!"
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline IDR

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #92 on: March 09, 2007, 08:59:35 am »
I haven't posted this for fear of causing insult to anybody possibly staying in the mentioned area...but this is for a desperate cause...

Q. Two Springs girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.
The three things you need to fix anything in the universe: duct tape, WD-40 and a hammer.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.  Otherwise use the hammer.
 

Offline Grootseun

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #93 on: March 09, 2007, 09:04:27 am »
Two kids from springs in a car with no music.. who's driving?

The cops..
 

Extreme Velcro

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #94 on: April 11, 2007, 03:33:21 pm »
As said before
Quote
Wednesday is midweek friday.... so.....


Q:    Where does Noddy keep his armies?

A:   Up his sleevies, of course !
 

Offline LuckyStriker

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The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #95 on: May 04, 2007, 11:42:37 am »
There are only 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary and those who don't.
 

Offline Ratel

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #96 on: May 04, 2007, 12:16:02 pm »
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"
"Stercus accidit..."
 

Offline Ratel

The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #97 on: May 04, 2007, 12:19:04 pm »
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.
What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.



"No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
"Stercus accidit..."
 

Offline JonW

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Re: The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #98 on: June 18, 2007, 04:37:05 pm »
A physiology lecturer at WIts

knows his session on Involuntary body contractions is a bit boring so he decides to liven it up a bit.

He asks a women sitting in the front row ..

? do you know what your ass hole is doing during an orgasm ??

She responds

? Probably out riding his BMW with his mates ??
How can I be lost if I've got nowhere to go?
 

Online Kaboef

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Re: The Stupid Friday joke....
« Reply #99 on: June 19, 2007, 08:10:28 am »
Mhwahahaha!!! ;D ;D ;D
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