DS Bikes and the Types who ride them...

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sparro

Race Dog
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
706
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Location
Klerksdorp
Bike
KTM 1190 Adventure
Your Typical Dual Purpose Bikes and the Characters who ride them:

1. The Big GS
They come in 2 varieties; the first one is usually an older bike, say 1150. These guys like to wear crocs, black or blue rugby shorts and usually an old yellow Bell helmet that makes their faces bulge as the helmet is a size or 2 too small. The jacket is a fleece top from 2 Xmasses ago.    The other GS rider (LC) probably also has an X5 in the garage, so instead of telling the salesman to rokoff, they said yes and bought the entire BMW twatsuit from the boots to the helmet and another set for the girlfriend instead of using that money to buy her own bike... The GS ( Geen Sand)  is obviously kitted in every conceivable farkle from the SW Motech catalogue so they actually weigh 400Kg without Koos helping the sag yet.  They are easily spotted as an oncoming one will have around 2 Killerwatts worth of lighting, LED, Xenon, daytime, nighttime, running and walking lights all switched on at 12 noon on a sunny day. If you intend buying a GS, for heaven’s sake don’t pitch up at the dealer in your Bantam.  They will ignore you like slang k@k. 
Rather visit your mate at Eagle Canyon and then after a dop or 2, convince him to go check out the new 4 series BMW – insist you use his Gauteng Passport (any 3 series BM) to get there, and then sneak off to look at the bikes while he checks out the cages, but keep the car keys and hang them out you back pocket for the salesman to see.  Now they will talk to you at least.

2. The Small GS
The 800 is the bike they all bought before they knew Triumph would also build one. These creatures rarely sit down on the saddle. (look at the saddle and you can see why)  They can be seen riding around the Northern Suburbs standing up meerkat style and jumping speedhumps – but only once the k@k front suspension received the obligatory progressive springs and the paper front rim swopped for an Excel item.  Image is key here. They ride with proper MX helmet and goggles and then also a hydration pack to keep them from dying of dehydration on the way to the office.  The Blacker the better.. These guys will also dice anything, especially scooters.  The tank at the back confuses the hell out of any pump attendant, so to make life interesting, buy an old VW Beetle and fill it up at the same service station. Oh and you’ll be surprised how similar your bike and the beetle actually sounds !

3. The 950/990 Katooms

This is what I want to be when I grow up. First of all, you need a KTM sticker on your bakkie, your boat, your lawnmower and your dishwasher.  Then you need a good pal at the local Midas who can order your Facet fuel pumps 2 at a time and keep the second one on lay-buy.  Other dual purpose riders are scared of these okes because they CAN ride a bike on dirt and if they can’t, we will still think they can because all KTM owners rode MX at some stage didn’t they ?
Usually they don’t own a second car, as the maintenance on these things are not cheap and it needs parts pretty frequently.  Also, the lazylowder occupies the space where your wife’s Golf would have parked.

4. The KLR 650 or Fugly..

I guess this is where a lot of us started.  The red ones eventually turn pink if you keep it long enough.  Somehow the KLR can look hot with some goodies on, but still looks like a short rear- legged camel when a big oke rides one.  For you, the word “doohickey” actually has a part number..  Most of these dudes put some cheap zorst from an old gixxer on them by hacking and welding till it fits. 
The tweetie sound from the standard pipe now turns into an almightly clattering like a cement mixer filled with ball bearings.  All of them have low mileage as the speedo cables break after 4000km and who cares, the mudguard colour will tell you its age.  These guys ride in any gear they could buy cheaply on the forum classifieds and couldn’t care less if it fits properly or color coded at all. (the bike changes colour anyways). 

5. The Hondas

The Africa Twin or AT – these bikes are the so called holy grail of dual purpose.  You will buy a knackered one for more than it cost new 15yrs ago.  Luckily you can sell it again to another starry eyed poephol without losing money.  Purportedly they never break, but in fact they do, quite often, but they never post about it or talk about it, kind of like your wife sleeping around…
Anyway, the last proper DS bike from Honda, so if it has to be a Honda, probably your best bet.

The Transalp rider is probably a bit older, say over 40. He also owns a CRV or an Accord and has a Honda lawnmower and a Gennie (if you live in Centurion) Usual owners have a few machines in the garage, so mileage stays low.  Also because the rear suspension is so horrible and your aging spine doesn’t cope that well anymore.  To take a pillion, you need to remove the battery and its box to adjust the preload, so rather just sneak out early and leave her at home.  The Vtwin sounds lekke with a pipe, but it does bug you that your diesel SUV uses less fuel with 4 people and luggage onboard, towing the Transalp.

6. Joumaha

The Xt 660’s are bitchin bikes, go like stink when tuned properly and with the right pipes they will spit flames on the overrun.  The new one looks like a pukka Paris Dakar racer and although they have a towing hook under the headlight (why not on the KTM?) it rarely gets used.
Yamaha doesn’t make much branded gear, so these dudes usually stick to MX kit or if it’s a 1200, you can ride in your BMW gear – because you can trade the GS in on a Superten but no-one (not even the oke on the KLR) will pay your asking price for that used twat suit.  Luckily they come in blue as well. 

7. Triumph

So we all want a Scrambler cause it looks so cool, but none of us look like Steve Mcqueen so unless you need something to pose with or have space next to the MV Agusta in your lounge, park the idea.  The 800Xc showed us the Poms can build something that doesn’t leak oil.  If you ride one of these triples, beware oncoming GS riders.  Your steed looks very much like theirs at a distance and a hand may be raised to greet you but as soon as they check its not German, they grab the bars so hard you’d swear they were falling off..  These bikes don’t actually have stop-start technology, so if yours dies every time you see a red light – you have a dirty stepper motor. Shame on you for riding it on dirt   Now join your KTM buddy at Midas and get some switch cleaner to spray the offending bit till your idle malady is cured. 
Oh and also buy two orange flags like the okes at Lanseria uses to guide the Boeings.  Why ?  Your R120k bike doesn’t have hazards meneer, but there is a quick fix.  (just steal a hazard switch from a Jonway and get a KLR buddy to “retrofit” it for you.)

I hope I didn’t offend anyone here – that’s not the intention.  Just the way I see things as a year-round commuter on Jozi streets.  Oh and wait till I get to the Harleys and Superbikes..
 
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