What's the dumbest thing you've done with your bike?

[malgat (RIP)]

some friends and i decided to build a trike with a vw engine,,,

we spent weeks in the garage welding and fitting,,,,then one day our parents ask to see it and we decided to ride it from the garage to the top of the driveway where everybody was gathering to see our work so far,,,,

anyway we had wheels,engine, chopper fork and just a square tubing frame,,,no seat, or mudguards or throttle cable,,,so me and my buddy sat on the square tubing riding up the driveway,,,we were a bit wintie and we used a wire to run the carb,,,,we started to wheelie and in the process fell backwards opening the throttle even more

anyway we ended up riding 90 degrees straight into a wall,,,we rolled of and grabbed our nuts and stayed there crying in pain...

everybody else had laughed their asses of

[masehare]

When I was still in primary school, my friend has an Italjet which sort of was at the end of its life. One day the throttle cable broke and we decided the best solution was to tie the cable to your belt and sit backwards on the seat to open the throttle. After the first fall we rather pushed the bike home - when you fell and separated from the bike, the throttle would open and the bike went ape shit while you were still attached via the cable. Was quite a dumb idea...

[husky]

I once trailered a bike to a ride. Parking was tight so I unhitched the trailer and turned it round but failed to hitch it to the car again.  Came back and decided to ride onto the trailer. Spot the mistake! Bike hit trailer ramp, trailer wheelied into back of car, breaking a few tail lights and bike stopped dead against back of trailer giving unsuspecting me a sharp rap in the nuts.

and that is just the start............

[fixit]

I once trailered a bike to a ride. Parking was tight so I unhitched the trailer and turned it round but failed to hitch it to the car again.  Came back and decided to ride onto the trailer. Spot the mistake! Bike hit trailer ramp, trailer wheelied into back of car, breaking a few tail lights and bike stopped dead against back of trailer giving unsuspecting me a sharp rap in the nuts.

and that is just the start............

I think we are edging toward qualifying for the Darwin awards

[Jacko]

I once trailered a bike to a ride. Parking was tight so I unhitched the trailer and turned it round but failed to hitch it to the car again.  Came back and decided to ride onto the trailer. Spot the mistake! Bike hit trailer ramp, trailer wheelied into back of car, breaking a few tail lights and bike stopped dead against back of trailer giving unsuspecting me a sharp rap in the nuts.

and that is just the start............

I think we are edging toward qualifying for the Darwin awards

What exactly do you mean by "edging towards"?

I think you're firmly ensconed in this year's starting line-up... 

[IceCreamMan]

oh hell hoe huil ek nou

picturing these scenes ...eish

[RobC]

Get a phone call from wife (in good old days) that cage is dead... arrive on my trusty Z750... get off the bike and walk to the driver's side... in the meantime the bike decides to lay down as it is tired of trying to fight gravity and stay upright what with no sidestand kicked down. Must say it stayed up for a good 30 seconds or more!

[Doggone]

This has got to be the best new thread statred in quite a while. You guys are cracking me up! Probably beacuse I can picture myself in all of these situations!

[Kev]

 

[Misty]

Laughter is the best medicine �?? thank you guys, my cold has vanished with this thread!

Very very funny stuff (although I�??m sure most of them not at the time)!!

  

[Extreme Velcro]

Get a phone call from wife (in good old days) that cage is dead... arrive on my trusty Z750... get off the bike and walk to the driver's side... in the meantime the bike decides to lay down as it is tired of trying to fight gravity and stay upright what with no sidestand kicked down. Must say it stayed up for a good 30 seconds or more!

Oh man, this is all too hysterical.....the sidestand happens in direct relation though to how many people are watching. 

Moral in my case was never show off in front of a lot of people when you are going to make a tit out of yourself.  Especially when the bike falls over and knocks you in the back of the knees so that you also go crashing into the ground face first.

[Ebs]

Back in the day I thought il save some money and replace the gaskets on my CR250 myself. After dismantling the whole motor and replacing the gaskets I come to putting it back together again.
All is fine and dandy and I kick start the motor for the first time, starts up first kick and by now I think im gods gift to fixing shit.  30 seconds later the motor screetches to a standstill, I try to start it again but now the kick starter does not even want to go down.
Well I start taking it apart again and get to my piston and it looks like some1 drilled inside the sleeve, the mechanic who fixed the mess I made told me later that I put the piston rings upside down back in.
Expensive lesson I learned

[Bus]

I dont know if this counts but its something Ive done while on the bike...
Actually it wasnt that long ago...
There's this hot bird that parks next to me at work. 
On the way to work I noticed her in front of me. She waved and I absolutely had to show off with something...
I had the motard wheels on so I decided a lekker pimping stoppie right behind her at the traffic light would go down a treat. 

What I didnt notice was that there were pedestrians waiting to cross the intersection and she stopped about a car length short of the line to let them go. Meanwile back at the pickle factory I was traveling on the front wheel already!!! 

Now it doesnt take a genius to figure out that there is not much stopping power left mid-stoppie, unless you want to fly over the bars... 

Somehow I managed to find fractions of mm's of extra leverage on the brake without flipping over. But I was really high and sort of pogo-sticking to a halt behind her with about 5 cm to spare!!!! Obviously the back came banging down like a ton of bricks and slightly sideways. I felt naar with pins and needles all over!!!

You shoulda seen the chick's eyes in the mirror, hahaha!!! This old fruit bat next to me wound down her window and hurled some abuse at me for being reckless... bla dee fokken bla... etc... I think I actually told her to fark off. I mean I was nearly a bumper sticker, 4-5-6!!!

When I parked next to the chick she said "En nou??"

I just gave a sheepish "I had that totally under control" smile. But I think she could see that I was still pale in the face.

I will never stoppie behind another car again!!!

[Oppad]

This fred = moer funny. My own f-ups, of which there are plenty, pale in comparison. Hard to pick a favourite but Masehare's brilliant piece of engineering is right up there. Jinne I laughed. Thank you to all of you dumbshits!

[Mark Hardy]

damn this is funny......... more please.

[Jay]

I got a beaute CB750C and every morning got the bike of the stand knowing she does not start like a frisky 18 year old on dads back seat.  She was old school, took some talking to, sometimes even begging and most of the time a 150+ meter downhill push start to get this baby going.

When the downhill and the praying ends at the same time and you realize the costal air of the night before made the front brakes stick  so you do not even get that extra 3 meters you desperately need right at that moment.  With your head in the hands on the handle bars and a squeal-cry of �??God why me�?� you peek from under your arm and see what lies ahead.   Sweating not from trying to get this farken fat middle age bitch to the top of the hill again but from the swearing and thinking of where you last sow the matches.

Well doing this a couple of times hitting the brakes with a hammer to loosen them I gave up and pushed the fat cow into the backyard.   I started with the fuel�?� shook the tank�?�. No it seems fine and so on and so on.  I�??m on the outies and cannot even buy a loose so replacing parts is going to be a problem.  So the bike stands for a week and I�??m talking to everyone and explaining the story to try and find the problem.  With two weeks past I am desperate for transport so by now the verdict seems to lean towards the CDI unit.  Beeeeeg bucks.  I ask my dad to bring his car and we must just try and see if we could get this thing going by pulling it up and down the street.  I am on the outies people I cannot afford even a broken CDI unit!! 

OK the towing exercise had it�??s moments but to no avail.  The bike stood in the backyard again.  Now almost three months later I�??m sitting outside just looking at this bike and having a deep debate with her.  Telling how she disappointed  me when I needed her and really ripping out at her.  At that moment the phone rings in the house and I go inside.  While on the phone still looking at the bike shaking my head at her I decide  to check one more thing.  I go outside and pick up the fuel tank and turn the tap on.  Fuel flow out�?�. Shit�?� now I�??m farked.  So out of frustration and anger I take it out on the fuel tap and turn it on�?� reserve�?�. on�?��?� reserve.�?��?�on�?��?�. reserve and notice the fuel is flowing strongest on reserve�?�. Mmmmmm

I put the half striped bike together and turn the tap to reserve�?��?��?��?�.. yes almost three months and all those sleepless nights and all I had to do is turn the tap to reserve!!!!! 
 

[Welsh]

OK,

So try this one, a Montessa Capra 250 MX,r full race with an enduro pipe on (sort of legal), a broken throttle cable, so off to the shop get a new one, pulling the bare wire to get there no issue.

Fit the new one in the car park and one kick it is flat wide open "shit stall it" kicked it into gear......  :-\straight through the hedge like a sail behind the bike, then did the spark plug dance    

The other great one, was on a motorway services on a fully loaded GS750, stopped at the petrol pump put it onto the stand (without putting the stand down) with your leg trapped between pump and bike at 45 degrees getting up is not easy 

 

[shark_za]

Not me but a friend.

Decided to ride his bike up a ramp into the back of his bakkie. He did well until his face hit the beam of the carport he was parked under !!
 

[Welsh]

Not me, but do you remember the guy at Magalies:

It was a Wino ride, "someone" arrived with a KTM 300 on a bakkie,
We waited whilst he offloaded,
We waited some more while he got ready,
We waited while he kicked it,
We waited while he kicked it some more,
We waited while they tried to bump start it,

We waited whilst he got towed behind his bakkie to start "on wet cobble/brick mossy paving" SURPRISE, SURPRISE KTM towed on its side behind his own bakkie!!!

So help arrived....... Leo wanderred down, picked up the KTM, 2 HEFTY KICKS and it roared into life   The guy must have felt like a total .........

Welsh  
  

[Sprocketbek]

More fuel issues.......

In the late 80's I had a luvvly Yamaha XS750D triple. The Buff was in PE and I managed to get the Friday off. I decided to take the R62 via Oudtshoorn on Thursday afternoon and the rest of the crowd were gonna meet me at 10:00 at the triangle intersection near Outeniqua pass.

These were the days of petrol restrictions so I planned to sleep over alongside the road somewhere. Had a couple of dops and a few games of pool in Ashton and hit the road at closing time. Bike was running so lekka that I just kept on riding until it ran out of juice near Barrydale. Pushed it up a few hills and freewheeled down till I met a hill that was too steep.

Not a problem, put the bike on the sidestand, removed my luggage, clambered down the embankment and curled up in my sleeping bag on the strip between the embankment and the doringdraad. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard this "crunch/clink" sound from up above. In the moonlight I could just make out the 750 come barrel-rolling straight at me.  HORROR! Even with my arms pinned inside the sleeping bag I managed to do a backward somersault. The bike landed with a THUD exactly where I had been laying.

I simply put the bike more or less upright and went to bed. About 06:30 the first gang of bikers came past so I clambered up to hitch a ride to the garage. When we got to the garage I heard the first lot say: "Did you see that bike down there? Must have been a moerse prang! The oke must be faarked........"

Sheepishly I admitted "It was me....."