Author Topic: What's the dumbest thing you've done with your bike? (Read 6098 times)

LeonDude · « **Reply #40 on:** June 12, 2008, 08:07:24 pm »

Man these are some good laughs.

Washing my KLR one Sunday afternoon I'm happily having a couple of brews, when I notice the nut keeping the steering stuff (the bolt and bearings) together has once again worked itself loose. Ok no problemo, grab the tools and the first thing you do is remove the handle bars to get to this nut. Apply some locktite to offending nut and be cool while using the torque wrench.
Now of course I have to refit the handle bar, so I get on the bike to make sure I get the alignment right. Kick up the sidestand and I just lift myself a bit out of the seat to check the alignment when the bike starts going over to the right.
And, of course, I grab the (still loose) handlebars to keep the bike from going over.
Fortunetaly the bike landed on the plastic table, totally killing the table but not a scratch on the bike.
Drank, O drank.

Mark Hardy · « **Reply #41 on:** June 12, 2008, 08:39:17 pm »

you just got to love beer

Smithey · « **Reply #42 on:** June 12, 2008, 08:44:14 pm »

hahahaha, funny how the stories come out after a few

I had a 175 ER at 18 and was the boytjie on it, well i thought i was.

Afternoon at the public swimming pool doing lengths in the olympic pool with a pap sak got me thrown out. I tried to explain it was a flotation device to no avail.

So pool gear, plakkies, shorts and vest i vip up the boulovard to get home. Stayed with my sister at that time and she said if i came home drunk again she was going to send me to a home

for misfits.

So, doing 90 odd in a 60 zone the robot appears in the distance. I judge speed and distance, all completley wrong of course cause im gewyn. I decide to take the slip stream to the left at 90. Realize im gonna slide with the plakkies on - eeeiiinnnnaaa i think. No problem. Check those duk wooden poles with the chain in between. If i drop a gear, hit the slant pavement to get the front wheel up, ill break the chain and carry on my way.....................

Ja....... dem chains are tough. I came too in the middle mannatjie, helmut 90% to the right so im in darkness. Spitting ground and flowers out my mouth i seriously thought i was dead cause it was so dark with my eyes open.

The woop woop of an ambulance brought me to my senses. The local hospital was across the street. Whipped off the helmut and showed them thumbs up. I was lekker gekillie and i knew if the cops stopped i was done for.

Picked up the bike, handle bars 75 degree's bent, cables in tact and she started. Got on the bike and realized half my groot toen was weg........eeechooo. And my sister is waiting for me when i get home... EEECHOOOOO

Got home 15 mintues later. Said hello as she was watching a movie, and went to my bedroom and jumped into bed. I must of stank of dop cause she was in there 3 minutes later. The whole bottom of the bed was already soaked in blood.

Whipped off to the hospital, no anastetics cause im pickeled - "Jy will mos het die sister ge se". Im sure she loved every minute of stitching me up.

Then i got 2 hours of bitching when we got home and wished "Sister Amelia had me under the needle again"

Laugh about it now, but i could have broken my neck.

Etienne2T · « **Reply #43 on:** June 12, 2008, 09:23:15 pm »

Quote from: Uncle on June 12, 2008, 08:07:24 pm

Man these are some good laughs.

Washing my KLR one Sunday afternoon I'm happily having a couple of brews, when I notice the nut keeping the steering stuff (the bolt and bearings) together has once again worked itself loose. Ok no problemo, grab the tools and the first thing you do is remove the handle bars to get to this nut. Apply some locktite to offending nut and be cool while using the torque wrench.
Now of course I have to refit the handle bar, so I get on the bike to make sure I get the alignment right. Kick up the sidestand and I just lift myself a bit out of the seat to check the alignment when the bike starts going over to the right.
And, of course, I grab the (still loose) handlebars to keep the bike from going over.
Fortunetaly the bike landed on the plastic table, totally killing the table but not a scratch on the bike.
Drank, O drank.

Thats a good 1

superten · « **Reply #44 on:** June 12, 2008, 09:29:13 pm »

I feel like a real d**s, but here goes:

18, just bought an already very old and tired honda 550/4. I had just started a new job, and they were very strict about getting to work on time.

But how do you explain to the boss that your bike battery is so flat that not even the ignition lights come on?Not to worry! A battery is a battery-right?Pulled the battery out of my dads old bakkie(nah,he wont miss it)Strapped it to the backseat behind my bum, some bits of extension cable, and hey presto!

Got to work an hour later, with a strange burning sensation on my *rse.
Someone said that I cant expose myself like that.
Then I checked that my pants, and jocks had been eaten away by battery acid, and my bum was hanging out....

LeonDude · « **Reply #45 on:** June 12, 2008, 09:31:13 pm »

Quote from: superten on June 12, 2008, 09:29:13 pm

I feel like a real d**s, but here goes:

18, just bought an already very old and tired honda 550/4. I had just started a new job, and they were very strict about getting to work on time.

But how do you explain to the boss that your bike battery is so flat that not even the ignition lights come on?Not to worry! A battery is a battery-right?Pulled the battery out of my dads old bakkie(nah,he wont miss it)Strapped it to the backseat behind my bum, some bits of extension cable, and hey presto!

Got to work an hour later, with a strange burning sensation on my *rse.
Someone said that I cant expose myself like that.
Then I checked that my pants, and jocks had been eaten away by battery acid, and my bum was hanging out....

Flippin Brilliant!

Beagle Boy · « **Reply #46 on:** June 12, 2008, 09:59:51 pm »

This is the funniest thread, thanks guys.

superten · « **Reply #47 on:** June 12, 2008, 10:23:53 pm »

ok ok, I want to hear that there are others,like me,out there.And I want to hear YOURS before I tell you MINE(yes, i have even more embarrasing experiences)

Aquatic · « **Reply #48 on:** June 12, 2008, 10:59:34 pm »

I'm lying on the couch reading this on my cellphone browser laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my face. The mrs. looking at me like I'm daft, laughing at my phone. These stories are brilliant. Adv or Jaco should consider offering the authors a couple a bob and publish them. Thanks to all contributors

Oppad · « **Reply #49 on:** June 12, 2008, 11:28:51 pm »

Maybe I can add to this treasure trove of stupidity after all. Way, way back when at varsity I had a real dog of a Black Bomber (Honda CB450 twin). It was often repaired for various reasons and one of those times coincided with a holiday job I had fetching and stacking exam papers in a store at Onderwys & Ontwikkeling (old Bantu Education) in Pretoria (next to the old Victoria hotel opposite the main railway station for those who know the town).

Anyway I had to get to work on time for a change but the previous night me and some friends had put the engine back in the frame and eventually got the dog to start. All was well until the morning when I found the clutch wasn't actually working, the kickstart had stripped some time previously and the battery was on its last legs. It could not find neutral or let it idle against the clutch but could manage to crash through the rest of the gearbox. The problem was I could not let it stall. Running late and being in the shite at work and with no other choice, I set of from Meyerspark (about 20k's from work) witha bump start knowing that there was no way I was going to stop for traffic, traffic lights or anything else, clinging to the straw that it may be a lubrication problem and the clutch may even start to get better.

On the highway things went fairly well but when I hit town I had to skip red traffic lights by taking to the pavement and then turning into the next street running across. In this nervewrecking way I started to cross the entire city diagonally. I survived until rather close to work when a Putco (Golden Arrow in the Cape) suddenly hissed to a standstill in front of me in Skinner Street. There was no gap in the traffic on the right and I took to the pavement again where I had to dodge rush hour pedestrians. Concentrating like hell I swung back into the road when I thought I had passed the bus, but by then it had started to move again.

Moerse crash against the side of the bus and I suddenly found myself lying underneath it with those huge wheels rolling towards me. But the (then still segregated) bus stoppped in time and I got pulled out from underneath by the passengers, mostly old black ladies with eyes like saucers. Dusted myself, found neutral and was off, all within seconds. No harm to myself and by that time the Bomber was so fooked you could not tell.

Sprocketbek · « **Reply #50 on:** June 13, 2008, 02:20:55 am »

Sot, you might win.

The 450 was most likely a bigger lemon than the Honda 305.

I've got a couple of stories about that one too.....

Coala · « **Reply #51 on:** June 13, 2008, 07:23:16 am »

Pulling away standing (BMW style) at the 2007 Annual Toy Run. Would have been cool pulling off the Adv centre stand like that - only problem I forgot to take the disc lock off. I dont think I need to explain further.

GSASTERIX (RIP) · « **Reply #52 on:** June 13, 2008, 08:03:18 am »

on the 50cc mb5 first bike

going down hill feet on the back flickers doing 105

now the left shoe lace get stuck on the flicker

battle to a stand still but the bike goes to the left

hospital for to days

toucan · « **Reply #53 on:** June 13, 2008, 08:06:06 am »

Quote from: Coala on June 13, 2008, 07:23:16 am

Pulling away standing (BMW style) at the 2007 Annual Toy Run. Would have been cool pulling off the Adv centre stand like that - only problem I forgot to take the disc lock off. I dont think I need to explain further.

ah, the joy of disc locks. you would think i would have learnt by now. but at least once a year a have a zero kph get off in front off people.

BigEd · « **Reply #54 on:** June 13, 2008, 08:12:18 am »

Quote from: Coala on June 13, 2008, 07:23:16 am

Pulling away standing (BMW style) at the 2007 Annual Toy Run. Would have been cool pulling off the Adv centre stand like that - only problem I forgot to take the disc lock off. I dont think I need to explain further.

You'll have to discount your bike even more now...

GSASTERIX (RIP) · « **Reply #55 on:** June 13, 2008, 08:17:49 am »

fixed the xt 500 in 1986

went to do a test drive

3rd gear the road turns left and then right

the bike just turned left went through farm fence and a thorn bush with me still on it

the spanner was still on the nut on the handle bars and was not going to let it turnright in a 100 years

i am still pulling out thorns

1X · « **Reply #56 on:** June 13, 2008, 08:26:26 am »

Ja so loop hy..

Just after the new Donker hoek toll plaza was built we went on a ride to the Eastern Transvaal..... Before the ride starts Anton who called our riding group "Die vuil Piel apostels" tunes no way that a apostel pays toll fees.....

He explains how skieting toll gates work and all and of we set towards de hoek.. I told Anton that there's is no way that 2 bikes will skiet through without the boom closing

So as we approach there's a bakkie full of passengers already paying our toll... As the boom opened Anton skiets through with me following in hot pursuit, but aikona, sissy in the toll booth slams the button and here comes the boom

Luckily I'm not very tall, ducked behind the little fairing of my 640 ADV, so I klapped the wall on the left, moered the boom, and try not to fall my ass off.

Must say that I pulled the biggest unintentional wheely of my riding career and sped of in the distance no damage to bike but a moerse klap to the ego

I have never skieted a toll gate since

BigEd · « **Reply #57 on:** June 13, 2008, 08:36:59 am »

Seeing I enjoyed your mishaps so much, I guess I should share mine too.

Bought my first scoot aged 22 - XT500 bitch. We had a stormy relationship where I did all the loving and she ditched it. I guess most of it my fault anyway (I'm married).

I'm not mechanically inclined - whatever I take apart either never again work or need an inhuman effort to salvage. Although I did redo my Peugeot 504 brake booster myself and a unsuspecting Datsun suffered because of it. Let me just say that the rubbers have to be around the right way for them to have ANY effect!

I have dropped the bike on my calfs before (bah, who needs a side stand), I've tried to show off but forgot the on/off switch in the off position for 25 kicks (this actually happened several times which caused my wife to conclude I cannot be trained). 25 kicks on a XT500 - FARK, not nice.

I stopped at the robot near Brights in Bellville waiting for the lights to change. A packed lunch pulls in next to me (car full of chicks). Time to show off - Heehaa! I was standing in the middle of the lane (stoopid I know) and unknown to me at the time, in a puddle of oil - a rust bucket musta dropped his sump. So come green, I twist the ear, do a full 180 and sat there staring at this little old lady with saucer eyes... I pushed the bike off the road and lit up a smoke. twatwaffle.

Oh, this same XT500 bitch once kicked me into the basement roof and split my helmet and gawe even my klipkop a headache.

I miss my bitch...

Grootseun · « **Reply #58 on:** June 13, 2008, 09:09:29 am »

The dakar fuel tank is under the seat as we all know.
I get very impatient with poor service delivery at petrol stations.
The first dakar saw me opening the fuel flap ready to receive fuel, i wait, and wait.. there is one other vehicle on the forecourt. and three attendants hullding in the warmth of their little room where they can chill during nightshift. I get pissed off, put on my gloves and mount the bike, kicking off the fuel flap while in the still open position.

this hapened twice.

stopped at my job interview in the parkinglot, dismount, put bike on new light invisible sidestand...
pick up bike, check to see who saw....

just after i got my bike, i was riding home in this cloudburst up Corlett drive, past lyndhurst where i bought my bike.

after wiping my visor with my glove to clear excess rain drops the bike dies in the middle of the road, waiting for the light to turn green...WTF??

push the bike to the side of the road where a small river rushes shin-deep...

find shelter from the pissing rain....

I though once it stops raining i will walk back to the dealer to have them come and look at the bike...

after about 10 minutes i had a little lightbulb over the head moment...did you check the killswitch??

walk up to the bike..flick the killswitch and the bitch starts right up....dumbass....

when i wiped the visor and put my habd back onto the handlebar, i acidentally hit the killswitch...

slim

Trailrider · « **Reply #59 on:** June 13, 2008, 09:26:23 am »

Bwaaaahahahahaha!

Author Topic: What's the dumbest thing you've done with your bike? (Read 6098 times)

Oppad

BigEd

BigEd