What's the dumbest thing you've done with your bike?

[malgat (RIP)]

i was racing mx on a montessa capra way back at "the back of the moon" race track near cullinan

miscalculated the jump,,,,the bike went left and i went straight into a tree,,,,

actually hung in the tree about 5 foot of the ground

[fixit]

i was racing mx on a montessa capra way back at "the back of the moon" race track near cullinan

miscalculated the jump,,,,the bike went left and i went straight into a tree,,,,

actually hung in the tree about 5 foot of the ground

I could just picture that one. I think I would have pissed myself

[letsgofishing]

i was racing mx on a montessa capra way back at "the back of the moon" race track near cullinan

miscalculated the jump,,,,the bike went left and i went straight into a tree,,,,

actually hung in the tree about 5 foot of the ground

C'mon... post the pic! 

[Operator]

i was racing mx on a montessa capra way back at "the back of the moon" race track near cullinan

miscalculated the jump,,,,the bike went left and i went straight into a tree,,,,

actually hung in the tree about 5 foot of the ground

C'mon... post the pic! 

yes...............I'm willing to pay good money to see this! 

[husky]

Eish guys, amazing there is anyone left to be on this forum. Some good chuckles.

In my early days of dirt biking we used to ride up an old quarry. Pretty steep climb, start off with a bit of a run in 2nd, click down to 1st as you lost speed and crested out nicely. Of course when you are young you have to do things more than once. So I was blasting up in 2nd, snick it down to 1st, ha spot the mistake, it was too gentle a snick and I got neutral instead. Steep climb, bike stops and starts to run back. Panic, jam into first, back wheel locks and bike does a very smart and quick backwards wheelie, gives me a few smacks and we slide off down the hill. I was told I was lucky the bleddy 2 stroke engine didn't start, running backwards.

Put paid to a promising hill climbing career, not.

[Oppad]

Here's another Black Bomber story: In the early eighties we used to jol at a place called Keg&Tankard (long before the time of the plastic franchises) which was in a basement in Pretorius or Schoemanstreet in Pretoria and where we listened to long-gone acts like the Silver Creek Mountain Band. There was a tiled ramp going down between two flights of stairs. As I recall the ramp was much to steep for wheelchairs, probably for deliveries.

Anyway we were main manne so we went down the ramp on the boneys to park right in front of the door. So, several hours later we left in extremely high spirits (had to do with spirits in extremis) and I windgatted it up the ramp with a Chen Sing tyre or something similar fishtailing the rear. Of course, I lost it halfway, the bike came crashing down and something smashed a hole in the crankcase. The ouks still at the bottom were understndably de moer in as some oil was seeping down the ramp, but in the end our group managed to get all our boneys up by pushing some up the stairs. By that time and still in extremely high spirits, I had forgotten all about the crankcase and we went tearing down the street. I think the engine lasted for two blocks when it died suddenly and violently. For some of other reason the cam had jumped and bent the valves like fishing hooks.

I actually can't believe this shit now and if you are reminded of it nowadays it makes you think twice before coming down on some young windgat. We were all there at some time, I suppose

[LeonDude]

I have to stop reading this thread, I'm going to die laughing!

[Leo]

... where we listened to long-gone acts like the Silver Creek Mountain Band.

What do you mean long gone. They're still around.

They play regularly at BarkSA rallies - normally on Saturday afternoon, when we're all muff gedrink and in the mood for some mellow music 

[Oppad]

... where we listened to long-gone acts like the Silver Creek Mountain Band.

What do you mean long gone. They're still around.

They play regularly at BarkSA rallies - normally on Saturday afternoon, when we're all muff gedrink and in the mood for some mellow music 

Ja, granted but it's actually only the main man, Rod (the bearded one with the toe-ring who still uses the name together with whoever wants to play with. Thirty years ago they were still a serious 5-piece band and played a bit of rock apart from the bluegrass hillbilly stuff. 

[GundaGunda]

A true story I wrote for our "writer's circle" a while ago.
Felt a bit of a jerk.
*==========
Humans, with the possible exception of Genghis Khan and Adolph Hitler, have a capacity for great sympathy, but there is a type of injury that for some strange reason evokes not sympathy, but great amusement.

A while ago I joined a few dozen Kawasaki KLE and KLR riders on the gravel roads and passes between Newcastle and Ladysmith. On the way home I peeled off for breakfast and a cup of coffee with the souls of long-dead travellers at the ancient Nottingham Road Hotel, and then called at the filling station where a young and cheerful pump attendant  �??eish�??d�?� and �??hau�??d�?� at the dusty and muddy state of my motorbike.

I regularly use three dismount techniques. The first is for unplanned dismounts - last used when I stopped at a red light next to a pretty lady on a cute red scooter and forgot to put my foot down. This technique usually involves bruising and extricating myself from underneath the bike with a sheepish look on my face.

The second is a far more graceful technique and involves swinging a leg over the back of the bike �?? a bit like Rudolph Nureyev in Swan Lake but without Tchaikovsky�??s music, and a little less artistic impression. My buddies describe my technique as like a dog peeing against a tree, but I think that is unfairly harsh.

But when the bike is loaded with a top-box and tog bag, and when wearing my size eleven, metal toe-capped Fox off-road boots, this technique is not possible without ripping clothing and important body-parts, and I have to resort to technique three - the less graceful Naas Botha up-and-under kick and step back method.

This was the method I used in Nottingham Road, but unfortunately the petrol attendant was advancing, nozzle in hand, and my size eleven, metal toe-capped Fox off-road boots caught him fairly and squarely in the testicles. His knees and eyes buckled. His left hand shot to his groin, and his right hand gripped the fuel nozzle so hard that he sent a great plume of bitter-lemon coloured unleaded over me, the bike, and much of the forecourt.

Now one would expect the other attendants, all of whom were male, to have been sympathetic, but this was not to be. As a man they clutched their own genitalia while howling with laughter at their young colleague�??s misfortune. I am sure there is some deep Freudian explanation for this behaviour, and I suspect it has something to do with reduced competition in the human gene pool, but what do I know? I have only a technical education. If you want confirmation of this phenomenon, the next time you see Makhaya Ntini bowl his ball into the batsman�??s, look around; you will see a sea of smiling men all with their hands between their legs.

I was of course deeply sorry and ended up paying for seventeen litres of fuel for a fifteen litre tank, and giving an extra large tip in the hope of avoiding litigation.

Eish! I hope the youngster is able to reproduce

[I&horse]

Not me but this was funny.

Grew up in Ceres, and every year the "skou" was one of the highlights of this small town. The one year they had an "Evil Knievel" impersonator who jumped his 2 smoke over cars and things. Then there was a break, all the flood lights came on and people went for a pee or to buy a beer. Then two locals came past on a blue XL185 obviously well oiled. there was a small ramp on the track and the driver proceded to do a 2-up jump over this little ramp. The crowd cheered louder than they did for "Knievel" so Mr XL decided to give them something better.
He picked up speed and his pillion was getting ready for the show. They hit the jump really fast and the pillion just carried on going up, while the bike was going down. Now rider and pillion were off the seat, and the bike was going down fast. When the bike landed, both passenger and rider were comming down fast, but not in line with the bike. They ploughed into the darkness where the floodlights weren't shining to the delight of the crowd. Got up unscathed, proving that a drunk man gets off better due to his slow reactions!!!!

[Welsh]

So who hasen,t gone to refill there motor with oil after a change, but forgotten to refit the sump plug???

Welsh 

[Extreme Velcro]

the less graceful Naas Botha up-and-under kick and step back method.

Ah yes this method - one that can also on a cold morning end up with your leg in a cramp and you looking like a tit as you try and get out of it.....

Although better than kicking an innocent in the nuts 

[Grootseun]

So who hasen,t gone to refill there motor with oil after a change, but forgotten to refit the sump plug???

Welsh 

just when servicing the car, twice, after the driptray was removed....makes for nice blotches on the garage floor....

[GundaGunda]

Another dumb thing I did.

Used to have my bike serviced by DMC in Durban and they were a 15 min walk from my beachfront flat, so used to ride the bike there and walk home to get my cage.

DMC then moved up to Pinetown, so next service I trailer the bike up to them day before and leave the trailer and bike and take car to client next day.

But then I forget and organize a lift to get the bike. So now I am cageles, helmetless and jacketless in Pinetown and my cage is in Client's basement in Durban and DMC are shutting down for the night. I have to take a cab down to Durban, fetch the cage, go home and then retrieve the bike the next day. 

Grrrrrrrr 

[luke]

  it;s good to laugh.

[lecap]

So who hasen,t gone to refill there motor with oil after a change, but forgotten to refit the sump plug???

Welsh 

Not the "flying" oil change but a similar story:

Riding buddy and me pitched at a friend's place to pick him up for a ride. Our friend still had to "quickly" change oil on his VFR. He took the chance to introduce his latest purchase: A plastic can which had a funnel shaped dent on one side and was fitted with a number of plugs. You throw it under the bike (so we were told), take this plug out (at the bottom of the dent) and it works as a drain pan and storage can for the old oil at the same time.
Smart.

Needles to say that he forgot to take the little breather plug out of the contraption.
Not so smart.

The VFR's oil was filling the rather small funnel with speed while the oil refused to drain into the can unable to displace the trapped air.
After a few seconds the oil started to pour over the sides of the can and onto father's spotless garage floor while the air trapped in the can started to create occasional spluttering burps ejecting more oil out of the funnel.

"Could have done that without the new oil pan" was my riding buddy's comment while our friend was trying to limit the size of the oil spill with his hands shouting for rugs and oil binder.

[husky]

Oil changes.

Had a bakkie where the oil drain plug worked loose after a service. Stranded. No problem. Offload enduro bike, ride to garage, get 5litres oil and refill. Last minute dash underneath to tighten plug. Whew.

Mess. Bought a thing called a "Sumpy" from a swinish company - Addis. Used it to drain nasty black oil from my diesel Landy once or twice and stood it in a corner, almost full.  At some time one of the bungs popped and it spewed an evil black tide across my garage floor. 1 litre of Clean Green and about 4 hours of labour to partially restore. Addis have a black dot in my book.

[Kamanya]

Ok, another one, seeing as we are on oil and sump plugs.

My XT500 again. I had bought another engine to go with the 2 that I already owned. I was using the best bits of all of them to make a good one. I had removed the whole engine in the afternoon, done the business with the �??new�?� bits and replaced it. I had a deadline to have this all done as I had to be up at  5 in the morning as the Cape Argus Cycle tour was going to be the next day and I wanted to see the leaders come past and then ride to Suikerbossie to watch the whole tour come past and have a great time.

I test ran it at about 2 in the morning, all looked good. Took it for a quick spin around the block, nothing was leaking. Great! Into bed, set the alarm for early.

All went smoothly till later that afternoon. I had been sitting on Suikerbossie getting steadily more �??enthusiastic�?� with the big brown quarts I had taken with me. The girlfriend had had enough and was going to be driving back with her friend. I was going to follow them back to the friends place.

ATTGAT in those days was motocross helmet, shorts, vellies, day pack with camera and beer and a short sleeve shirt.

There was jam packed traffic on the roads as a result of the cycle tour. I was riding like a prick of note, wheeling past the slow moving traffic and then cutting back in at the last moment before the oncoming traffic. There is a series of corners going up towards Constatia Nek from Hout Bay that are pretty tight. I had just past the girlfriend when I peeled into the first left. I was now in mega show-off mode, trying to get the sparks to fly from the pegs and hangin off a bit. As I flicked over to take the right the bike just fell away from me. No warning at all just the back came around instantly. Somehow I ended up surfing the sliding bike across the tar and then rolled the last few meters.

My thoughts whilst sliding were, �??shit I�??m going to get run over by all those people who I�??ve just pissed off whilst passing�?�. The bike and I came to a halt half in the road. I was up instantly and dragged the bike out the road. I was moving so fast more out of embarrassment than anything else. More than one person screamed at me as they drove past, about being an idiot or some other justified bit of abuse. My girl was trying to cry and shout at me at the same time, I had scared the crap out of her coming past her then had fallen right in front of her.

Stymied as to what had brought me down, it didn�??t take long to figure it out. In my haste to get the bike going again the night before I had only tightened the sump plug finger tight. With all the riding it had worked its way out and had finally must fallen out just before the series of corners. I am so incredibly lucky that the sump plug for an XT is slightly off centre to the right of the rear wheel. Anything else and I would have fallen taking the left corner into the oncoming bumper to bumper traffic.

Incredibly, the only thing damaged was my pride and ego. Even the one quart that I had left in my day pack was still whole. I had no roasties anywhere, I had not even been wearing gloves?

I was too embarrassed to accept a lift from anyone and slowly freewheeled my way back down the hill, turning the engine on briefly two or three times to get up a bit of pace to make it to the garage. There I got more oil and a cork and managed to ride back home.

I lost the girl not too long after that, she said amongst other things that I was too juvenile. Cant imagine why?

[ActionAnt]

That's the most I've laughed in ages.
It took me almost 2 hours to read though this all.

The people in the office must think I do no work..