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Offline Whethefakawe

PVPW
« on: December 06, 2016, 08:53:30 am »
HA......got you, perverts!

This is NOT about your favourite topic, sorry.  :lol8:

Last week Wednesday in the pub, my long-time dirtbike riding buddy and close friend (let's call him L) pulled out his iPhone and showed me a photo of his newest toy. It was......a Harley  :snorting:  I was taken aback, he'd had an older one that he hadn't even started in about 8 years and sold last year for something like $4000 US. If I'd know he was GIVING it away, I'd have bought the feckin' thing and sold it for 8000. 

But he's the same oke who, also about 8 years ago, went to the Yamaha dealer to buy two cans of oil and filters to do an oil change on his YZ250F, and  came home with a yellow Kenny Roberts paint job R1.

In defence of my friend......20+ years ago as a young baastid,  L was involved in the Warbird community. His dad was an airline pilot who flew a wealthy friend's Spitfire at airshows. Tragically, he died in the Spit, got caught in bad weather while ferrying to Canada for an airshow. But L learned to love the round-engine planes like the Harvard and Beech 18....it seems most American WW2 planes had radial engines. L says the Harley engine is 1/4 or 1/5 of a radial engine, that's the only reason he likes it.

Anyways, L is my good mate so I immediately offered to drive him to the shop to pick it up. He calls on Friday around 2 pm, so we drive down there......the missus wasn't missing any of the action, so she climbed into the dickey seat of my Toyota bakkie and went along to see what's what. Her late brother had owned three Harleys, and she'd actually ridden one of them quite a bit. After he died, she was offered the Harley. She politely declined  :lol8:  But she was curious to see this new one, so along she went. 

But moi......had never set foot inside a Harley shop. Ergo, popping my virgin.

I really dislike Harleys - or more accurately, the poser 99% crowd that ride them - so I always laugh and point when driving by a Harley shop. But I'm on this "new experiences" mission, you see.....courtesy of the missus. So I went with an open mind, eager for enlightenment. I wore a balaclava and put ducktape over half my licence plate for the drive down. 

Non-descriptive place, really, in an older blue-collar part of town.


When we walked in, the salesman about knocked L over, gushing and smiling and wagging his tail. VERY friendly. First thing he said was, "...hey L, we want to take photos and ring the bell (wtf??) and put it on facebook immediately".  L was a bit babie from the previous day still, and hadn't shaven in about three days. Not to mention, he is a classic introvert (and former expert class mxer) so he declined the offer of instant fame.

While they took care of the final paperwork, I wandered around the shop with my camera. L had told me that he'd seen "Harley Davidson Beef Jerky" at some shop, so I was on a hunt to see just how kak fake biltong COULD taste. The shop was divided in two parts, to the left was the bike showroom and to the right the......profit centre, in H-D corporate speak.

The clothing, boots, T-shirts, trinkets, cheap flashy jewelry and other rubbish section.

It was bigger than the bike section  :lol8:

This was it. About 40%  of it, to be accurate.


The bike section


Make no mistake, that's a lot of money on the floor. This chrome thing was priced at $29K.


THIS monstrosity was $40K  :eek7:


Only Hellen Keller could find that pleasing on the eye.

I wandered up to a sales.... uuuuhm.....lady, 55 in the shade and dressed for the "biker chick" part: tight-tight jeans (with a flat arse  :lol8:) a long-sleeve T-shirt with some H-D writing on it, bangles up to her elbows, big owl-eye glasses with a bright blue frame....and the obligatory "do-rag" around her forehead. She looked like fucken Rosie the Riveter. But she KNEW she was hot, I have no doubt about that. 

I decided to mess with her, and asked "....where's the beef jerky?".
"Huh?"
'Yes, you know, the Harley Davidson beef jerky".

TILT. She looked at me like I just flew in from fucken Pluto. "Uuuuuh.....we don't have THAT....I've never seen any?"

I soon lost interest in her guppy-effect reaction and started looking at price tags on stuff. To my surprise, it wasn't nearly as expensive as I'd been made to believe all these years. The leather jackets, T-shirts, gloves etc I inspected were all the same prices as most other decent kit I'd seen anywhere. Besides actual clothing there were racks and racks of.....shit. Any trinket under the sun. One that amused me was a rotating display of "vest extenders"  :lol8:

To keep fat baastids' fake-leather vests with all the badges on, buttoned up....sort of.

In the bike section were two long walls of.....more shit. Any aftermarket bike part imaginable. Lights, dongles, seat rails, footpegs.....all in chrome. Or rather, chrome-COLOURED. I didn't think of checking the packaging to see where all this kak is made, but I have a very good idea. Let's just say it's not Milwaukee  :lol8:

Anyways, by this time L had signed the papers and was ready to leave. This is the bike he bought, it's called a LOWRIDER S. A 2017 model.


And to my everlasting shock and shame, I actually thought (and still do) that it's not a bad-looking bike. Doesn't look all that different from my Triumph Bonneville, except its 1800 cc engine puts out less HP than the Bonnie's 863  :lol8:

It's also 2 1/2 times as much as I paid for the Bonnie. Granted, I got a killer deal, but still.....if I EVER spend 20K on a bike, iot will be an Italian V-twin of some kind.

L departing for home. He pitched it into the corner past the bike shop like a YZ125 and I had to laugh.


Now I'm on a mission to walk into the biggest Harley shop around here, Scottsdale Harley-Davidson. A wanka-torium of note, it's ........ginormous. Can't wait to see what amusing things lie within its walls. First point of order, turn over tags and see where the trinkets and assorted shit's made. That's when the "public wanking" part will manifest  :lol8:



 

« Last Edit: December 17, 2016, 07:41:32 pm by BlueBull2007 »
You been using dogsh*t for toothpaste, Mullet?
 

Offline EssBee

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2016, 12:53:42 pm »
I'm not going to thank you for sharing  ::) ;)

 

Offline Eendstop

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2016, 01:52:40 pm »
Charge 1: Misleading advertising
Charge 2: Posting about Harleys under a topic dealing with bikes specifically

Anything in mitigation?
Thought so, tough behind a keyboard, but no balls.......
 

Offline Fuzzy Muzzy

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2016, 02:06:37 pm »
Lynch mob gathering

to be fair, one or 2 of those bikes caught my eye..
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Offline Offshore

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2016, 02:40:30 pm »
Sub. Being a Harley Owner myself I wonder why?  Gooi, I can take it. 
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Offline Kykdaar

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2016, 05:27:16 pm »
Good read :thumleft:

When you doing a ride report again for us misfits to enjoy?
 

Offline elandsrider

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2016, 06:28:58 pm »
Lekker read
Had a good laugh, thanks  :lol8:
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Offline Chairman Meow

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2016, 07:33:52 pm »
 :lol8:...nice one
 

Offline eberhard

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2016, 07:50:34 pm »
Well written.  :thumleft:  Now you must upgrade your writings in the religion and politics section to this same level of logic and deduction. The above piece has proven that you can.
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Offline blauth

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2016, 05:22:04 am »
Awesome read to start my day.

Offline KiLRoy

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2016, 06:16:50 am »
Bi-curious - or should i say HD-curious - the first step.....
 

Offline Buddy

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2016, 09:48:20 am »
Must be getting old!  :lol8:
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Offline BlueBull2007

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2016, 11:43:16 pm »
Hehe @ the comments here.

WTFAW you have a way with words. Seriously. You should start a blog or write a column. I'll read every word.

"Only Hellen Keller could find that pleasing on the eye. " :imaposer:
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Offline Dirty Boy

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2016, 09:40:07 am »
Your 'friends' (we know its you) bike, that number plate mounted off to the side just looks weird. Is that standard ?
 

Offline Whethefakawe

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2016, 09:18:49 pm »
 :lol8: no mate......easy to prove, I'm about 30 cm taller than L. If it were me on the bike, you'd REALLY laugh.

Yes - that side licence plate is a favourite way for cruiser bikes to legally display it without cluttering up the rear end.
You been using dogsh*t for toothpaste, Mullet?
 

Offline Whethefakawe

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2016, 10:48:50 pm »
Well, mission completed.

While in the area a few days ago I went to said H-D circus....cause that's what it is.  :lol8:

The place is HUGE - two storeys above ground, and a basement where they supposedly keep 250+ bikes. I didn't go down there, after half an hour of nosing around I started to get arc eyes from all the shiny shit on display. Their website says it's 150 000 square feet, which is around 1400 square metres. Besides the bike showroom and clothing and trinkets sections the downstairs has the workshop, the "Rumble Zone" where you can start bikes and listen to the plopping sound, a lingerie "gallery" and a few other things I didn't go into. Upstairs is a large tattoo "parlour", a reception area, wedding chapel, coffee shop and an outside patio twice the size of my house. Oh - and there's a 48 seat movie theatre in the basement, too. I didn't count the bikes inside - too many - but there were 59 outside, all the used bikes. Hard to tell though, they were as shiny as anything.

The place should be renamed "Wankerland". They are terribly proud of the fact that (allegedly) it's the "biggest Hardly dealer in the world". Hmmmmm....what's that old saying about quantity and quality again? They certainly market it as a "biker destination" and have pissups, weddings, parties, cock-measuring contests and such there almost round the clock. All the hardcore bikers from Scottsdale - it's widely known as SNOTTSdale, for its snooty moneyed residents and wannabe's - ride anywhere from 4 to 17 blocks on Saturdays to go "hang with the bro's" at their adult playground.  :lol8:

The people are very friendly, though, I must admit. But as soon as they see you're just nosing around and not climbing on bikes and talking to salesmen, they get less so  :lol8: The place supposedly has 100 employees. I saw dozens, but didn't count.

My mission for the day was twofold: investigate the source of all this shit, and find the world's worst biltong-like substance aka "Harley-Davidson beef jerky". 

Approaching the main entrance, at the rear of the building away from the very busy street. nice new place, It opened about a year ago if I remember right. The "new and improved" place anyways, it had been on the spot for years.


The old bullet at left was sitting on a trike, making VROOM-VROOM noises until the saleswoman walked up and started it.....he was like a kid in a ice cream shop, later saw him running around inside looking and touching bikes with "don't touch" signs on them.  :lol8:


We were in there around 4 pm, and people were pulling in with bags of food, coolers and so on. Some had helmets in their hands but most rocked up in BMW X5's, Porsche Cayennes and Cadillacs. Many were just hanging out, standing around like "n spaar piel in die hoer huis" as I was once called by sergeant Stewart at Infantry School. They were there for no particular reason, just wallowing in the ambience  :lol8:

The amount of money standing around was just astounding. As mentioned I didn't count the bikes, but must have been well over a hundred on the showroom floor. I saw one custom painted version that listed for $19K, after getting blinged up it was $39K  :imaposer:
 



Just inside the main door to the right, is the "lingerie gallery". Check the sign 



Brilliant - one moerofa sales incentive to drop $35K on a 500 kg, 78 hp pig.....but the funny part is, IT WORKS  :imaposer:

I DID have a flirtatious conversation with three....shall we say, apparently free-spirited ......young sales chickies at one point. I have no doubt that, had I steered the conversation towards panties, things would have gotten very interesting very quickly.

The street front outside, where I counted 59 used bikes.
 

Probably half the employees have to report for bike-pushing duty every evening 15 minutes before closing, from the looks of it.

Now for the MISSION REPORT:

1) Another 50-ish sales woman in sprayed-on jeans........... although I suspect she was a high-mileage 33-year old - hard to tell........knew nothing about the elusive "H-D beef jerky". Maybe it's unicorn jerky?? I'll continue the quest, I doubt L would have talked k@k about such a serious issue.
2) We did much tag-turning.....while prices seemed about the same as for similar shit at other brand shops (weeell......I haven't compared the BMW prices at the shop down the street - there's part 3 of this mission), the only things I found MADE IN USA in this, the Grand Temple of national biker pride and patriotism, were various chemicals like "boot mark remover" and "bug remover" and "chrome polish".
3) Every T-shirt tag I turned said either "Made in Bangladesh" or Pakistan.
4) Every leather jacket I looked at, said "Made in China". Every vented nylon jacket sad "Made in Bangladesh".
5) Every Piece of clothing in this feckin GINORMOUS WAREHOUSE was made in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, or China.
6) Every piece of bling-bling that I turned upside down, was made in China. Even the "Willy G skull" fuel cap badge..... a thin medallion with a skull on it, about 10 cm wide (and cost 79c to manufacture, selling for 19.99)......that is glued onto your hog's fuel cap for an extra two microns of bad-ass......

In short - the only things in this giant WANK-A-TORIUM that are made in the good ol' USA.....are a few bike-cleaning chemicals. Read this
https://www.throttlexbatteries.com/details.aspx?p=A4D3D61DCEB3C859&ppid=59924&beid=7BD67A6B7D0B565F

Summary - SOME Harleys are ASSEMBLED in America from parts made all over the world - China, Pakistan, India, Brazil - and the woefully underpowered "Street 500" and 750's are made in India (So are the 390cc engines in the newer small KTMs, btw). Some Honda dirtbikes are made in Brazil, ferinstance the mrs' little CRF 230F was, but they don't wave the American flag around, paint eagles on everything and throw the word "freedom" into every sentence now do they?  :lol8:

Two things stand out for me:
1) The hypocrisy and GREED of the corporate unit (and the Davidson family), of whom "Willy G" is the leader now, and the CEO of H-D as far as I know. Their flag-waving and "made raaaght heah in America" is just PR bullshit.
2) The ignorance of people who buy these ugly, underpowered, poorly-made, non-turning, non-accelerating, non-stopping pieces of shit.....or maybe it's just their severe state of DENIAL that no, Billy Bob, your "hog" is NOT an example of yankee ingenuity and worker pride. :imaposer:



One thing stands like the Rock of Gibraltar, though. H-D's marketing department is the most brilliant, if devious such unit of the last feckin' century.  :3some:

Now, if only  I can get hold of my mate L to go with on a breakfast run on his new Hardly...........he's been off the radar since he got the bike. Maybe he did some reading, as I did, and had second thoughts and returned it  :imaposer:

Too bad....wasn't a bad-looking bike at all  :patch:

« Last Edit: December 17, 2016, 12:12:53 am by Whethefakawe »
You been using dogsh*t for toothpaste, Mullet?
 

Offline Whethefakawe

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2016, 11:11:53 pm »
Charge 1: Misleading advertising
Charge 2: Posting about Harleys under a topic dealing with bikes specifically

Anything in mitigation?

charge 1: I'm so sorry yoronner....I throw myself at the feet of the court
charge 2: I'm so sorry yoronner....I throw myself at the feet of the court

I was merely on a quest for knowledge. No physical harm intended.  :patch:
You been using dogsh*t for toothpaste, Mullet?
 

Offline Whethefakawe

Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #17 on: December 17, 2016, 12:29:21 am »
OK....like eating ginger after sushi, just to clear the palate....THIS is my kind of bike.

The missus' 2006 CRF 230 F, bought stone stock from another oke with a short wife, then upgraded a few things. Power-up kit and rejet, new air filter, free-flowing exhaust, new triple clamps and handle bars, footpegs, gearing, and a light kit. Oh - and a licence plate  :thumleft:   About ten hours on it.






My XR 650R will be back in my garage in a month or two.

 :diablo_ani_fire:

« Last Edit: December 17, 2016, 12:48:10 am by Whethefakawe »
You been using dogsh*t for toothpaste, Mullet?
 

Offline Kykdaar

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #18 on: December 17, 2016, 05:52:35 am »
What's the story with your XR650?
 

Offline Dorsland

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Re: Popping virgins and public wanking
« Reply #19 on: December 17, 2016, 08:44:06 am »
"I DID have a flirtatious conversation with three....shall we say, apparently free-spirited ......young sales chickies at one point. I have no doubt that, had I steered the conversation towards panties, things would have gotten very interesting very quickly."

Needs pic of said "young sales chickies".

You know, else it didn't happen  ;)
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