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Online Dux

Funny motorcycle stories
« on: October 07, 2018, 08:11:55 pm »
Yes , we've all had them , funny , stupid , embarrassing stories around motorcycles .

Years ago our one student mate had a DT175 with a stuffed ignition switch which could be switched on or off with a screwdriver , so he left it permanently on and used the kill switch , so one night he pissed off a few of us and one of us turned his ignition off , he pushed his bike home that night .

Get a call out one day , client with a Triumph Sprint and his bike is dead but he is in Clanwilliam , I shoot through and realise someone had switched his kill switch to the off position and that cuts power to the dash as well as ignition , anyway a flick of the switch and all is good , at least I had a good ride through .

Was on my way back from Mossel Bay and I stop off at the fuel station in Riversdale and I bump into a guy , lets call him Bob , so I ask what he was doing there , he was on a ride with a club to Greyton and due to his sluggish slow speed he kept falling way behind and the club would have to wait for him , in Grabouw they told him to just follow the N2 and he will arrive there . They forgot that he wasn't exactly a bright spark and as I mentioned I bumped into him in Riversdale . Who knows how far he would have gone if I weren't there .

Had a guy at Wingfield with us , he was arrogant and anal , both in large quantities , so he services his bike , a CB900F one day , after he had finished we put a puddle of oil under his bike , he almost did a complete engine strip there and then  :biggrin:

Another guy asks me to find out the fork oil quantity on his bike for him , I duly give him the correct quantity and he phones me a few days later , something is wrong , he put in what I had specified but it was too much because it overflowed and now his front suspension was solid . The tosser hadn't removed the original oil  ???

So I am practising at Killarney , and my mate John asks me to test his bike because he is convinced it is about to seize , I take it out and realise his problem , the grip is rotation on the twistgrip o down the main and back straight it would start closing  :biggrin:

As school lighties we were a mischievous bunch and one night the coppers had a big road block and about 10 bikes on duty , so we went and played musical keys with their bikes  :biggrin:

So I am on my RZ350 pissing off guy on Katana down Franz Conradie road , we both see the lines for the speed trap so we cross it at 60 then pin the throttle , we didn't see that the first was a dummy and the real trap was a couple hundred meters further . Murphy was on my side that day , ass I pinned the throttle the bike hit reserve , the poor guy on the Katana got a moerse fine .
 
My first bike was an MTX200R , great little machine , so I am out one day with the car and when I return I notice that my bike has an extra reflector but I don't think much of it . A few days later the family are sitting around at dinner table and my mom bursts out laughing , she just can't keep it in any more . In my absence on the Sunday my dad decided to ride my bike , he only got about 2 or 3 meters and had flipped the bike , tyre marks 2 meters high on the wall and handlebar through the window . I had just purchased a whole bunch of used spares a few days earlier which he used to repair my bike and he was too afraid to tell me , the only thing I was upset about was not having been there to witness it .

Was at a club in CT one night , guy is revving his bike , his mate goes and taps him on the shoulder and biker turns around , but forgot bike was still in gear when he removed his clutch hand , the bike bliksemed right through the plate glass window with the rider totally bewildered .

We go on a breakfast run , John arrives but something is wrong , where is the wife , they had stopped for fuel and she ran in to use the loo , he forgot and rode off without her  ;D

Ok , that is a few and there are loads more , that is without even going into the industry side of things , add a few more stories





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Offline capeklr

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2018, 09:24:02 pm »
 :laughing4: :laughing4:
 

Offline capeklr

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2018, 09:33:37 pm »

Years ago our one student mate had a DT175 with a stuffed ignition switch which could be switched on or off with a screwdriver , so he left it permanently on and used the kill switch , so one night he pissed off a few of us and one of us turned his ignition off , he pushed his bike home that night .


When I was still at school I worked Saturdays at a petrol station for pocket money.
One Saturday in summer this older gent rides in on his XT 500. I fill his tank and then he starts kicking and kicking. Bike won't start.
He takes off his helmet and wind breaker, he is going redder by the minute, but the bike still won't start.
He checks the ignition switch, yes its on and continues kicking.
In the meantime I have helped another client with petrol and I go back to him. I notice that the kill switch is off.
I switch it on, he sees this and goes even redder.
Next kick one huge backfire, everybody one the driveway ducks.
Two kicks later the bike starts, he puts everything back on again and rides off.
 

Online Dux

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2018, 10:02:54 pm »
My mate Dave asks me to test a Ducati 600 Pantah for him , this is about 1990 , so I collect the bike in Thornton and I am on my way back home when I realise I have a tail , this cop  is following me , so there is me on my best behaviour , and still I have the tail , eventually cop pulls me off , I am crapping myself and he asks the question , " Is this a real Ducati " , my fok  :biggrin:

There was one day I almost had a heart attack , after work one Saturday I decide to go for a ride , lane split between the cars and pull up at the front of the queue , next thing there is a hand rubbing my butt , the cougars in the car next to me were having a bit of fun , I am sure they caught my blushing right through the helmet

So on my way to work , overtake a car , lights change red , I come to a stop and my shoe lace has gotten tangled on the rear brake pedal , en daar slet ek neer , voor die kar vol meisies  :-[

One of the track days that I was instructing at I was offered a clients TL1000S to take out for a session , this particular one had been breathed on by TG and amongst other things it had a full fairing conversion , so I go out and have a blast , come back in and chatting to the owner when TG bliksems me in the ribs , I had ground through a hole in the fairing panel , oh bliksem , I will replace this for you . No , no , no comes the reply , people will think I did it so leave it  :biggrin:

Along the way I was also testing bikes for various publications , so we are doing a group test on 125's and I am bombing over Du Toits pass on the Aprilia , over the pass I am overtaking a lot of guys on big bikes , I stop at our agreed point to wait for the rest of my group and this breakfast run group decide to park there as well , one guy on a GSXR comes across and starts talking to me about how fast this 250 is that I was riding , I didn't have the heart to tell him it was only a 125 , ek dink ek sou op my moer gekom het  ;D

I mentioned the shenanigans at Wingfield , so we were predominantly dirt bikers but a few guys had road bikes , so earlier mentioned anal guy with 900F is berating us for riding toy bikes / sewing machines , so we let him take one of the dirt bikes for a ride , he wacked the throttle in second gear , not wise on a YZ250 , the thing launched forwards , front wheel way off the ground , and he was just arms and legs everywhere . He didn't bale but damn he was close , he rode slowly back , pronounced the bike a piece of shit and stomped off with all of us rolling on the floor with laughter .

I pass Maitland college one day and wheelie away on my 350 , the next thing I have 2 x CB1100F's come past either side of me on their back wheels , I didn't wheelie for a long time after that

Last one for the day , one of the practice day's at Killarney and most of the guys have already gone home and there are only a few of us on the track , I am using the stick at the end of the back straight as my braking marker , but dammit the braking is getting more and more hectic , took a few laps to realise the stick was a snake slithering its way towards the corner and I was braking later and later each lap  :biggrin:

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Online Dux

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2018, 10:15:01 pm »

Years ago our one student mate had a DT175 with a stuffed ignition switch which could be switched on or off with a screwdriver , so he left it permanently on and used the kill switch , so one night he pissed off a few of us and one of us turned his ignition off , he pushed his bike home that night .


When I was still at school I worked Saturdays at a petrol station for pocket money.
One Saturday in summer this older gent rides in on his XT 500. I fill his tank and then he starts kicking and kicking. Bike won't start.
He takes off his helmet and wind breaker, he is going redder by the minute, but the bike still won't start.
He checks the ignition switch, yes its on and continues kicking.
In the meantime I have helped another client with petrol and I go back to him. I notice that the kill switch is off.
I switch it on, he sees this and goes even redder.
Next kick one huge backfire, everybody one the driveway ducks.
Two kicks later the bike starts, he puts everything back on again and rides off.

One place I worked at we bought an XT500 , the guy had bought the bike new , and he stuffed around with the manual camchain tensioner and needed a new camchain so it went to the workshop who duly installed the camchain , and the bike wouldn't start , so off to another workshop and it wouldn't start , after 4 workshops the disgruntled owner lost his sense of humour and sold it to us at a stupid price . I was still an appie so was given the job , it ends up the points timing was 180 degrees out , so it was firing on exhaust stroke and not compression stroke . Once I had the timing right it started straight away  :thumleft:
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Offline 2StrokeDan

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2018, 10:56:38 pm »
Bike shop in Stellenbosch, this was around 1986, was overhauling a KTM 495, and while pressing the crank from the casing, did not notice the conrod not clearing the side of the press.

This is how I bought a cheap 495 that needed a new conrod.
 

Offline 2StrokeDan

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2018, 11:05:03 pm »
Late at night 3 bikers stop at a filling station, and one leaves to go on ahead.

After a few kms he starts wondering when his 2 mates would catch up, so turns around to go look for them.

He sees the two headlights approaching and decides to give them a fright by splitting through in between them.

It turns out the two headlights belonged to a pick-up truck.
 

Offline BlueBull2007

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2018, 06:17:39 am »
Nice thread & stories Dux  The wife left behind one and the bike through the window were classic :spitcoffee:

I have fortunately not left my wife behind (she rides her own bike), but once I had to fetch her helmet from the bottom of a canyon in Peru after she tossed it down there because she had enough of the deep mud and "corners with too much gravel" and decided to quit biking there and then. :o  :biggrin: Took me about half an hour to climb down and back again.

To be fair it really was quite hectic, late in the day, and we had been riding for 10 hours on pretty shitty tracks. She would have paid someone to take her 650 away at that stage. Fortunately no one came past in the hour or so we sat there on the side of the road. Eventually we pressed on because it was getting dark, and thank God the track turned into a road after a hairy downhill and we found civilization and an okay hotel about 15km later.

« Last Edit: October 08, 2018, 06:18:14 am by BlueBull2007 »
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Offline BlueBull2007

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2018, 06:25:08 am »
We were riding in the mountains also in Peru when two dogs jump over a wall in that cave and run out to get me. These two dogs:


As you can see from the photo I missed them but they were so focused on me they did not see my Mrs on my 5 o'clock and she went straight over the white one. Did not know how she kept it up but she did. Both dogs ran off, the one howling. The next day for whatever reason we came past the same place again (I think it was close to the mine where I was working or something) and we slowed down to see if they would come out again. It was both funny and a relief to see them both behind the wall looking over the top at us. ;D
« Last Edit: October 08, 2018, 06:25:33 am by BlueBull2007 »
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Offline Anjisun

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2018, 07:34:10 am »
A friend of mine an I did some backyard servicing on friends bikes back on the mid 80's in PE. Some bike club riders heard about this venture of ours and soon brought their bikes for minor tune-ups and small repairs.
One Saturday morning this rough guy brought his clapped Suzuki GS850 with the message: here is R50 - please make this bike GO again. We looked at each other and smiled. Told him to come back later the day. We did the usual checked the valve gaps. Balanced the carbs. Wiped here and there. And then we sprayed some Silicone Dash spray on the seat. When he came back to fetch his boney he asked if he could test ride it first. He did so and came back with the biggest smile ever. He started shouting: "what the hell did you oaks do with my boney. This thing is now unbelievable. This thing now goes the clappers. I can't believe it is the same bike, This thing now goes so well I slide back on the seat when I pull away"
He jumped on his bike and pulled away like a mad man just to get that feeling of sliding back on his seat because this bike now goes the clappers!

:-)

 

Online Dux

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2018, 08:43:31 am »
We were riding in the mountains also in Peru when two dogs jump over a wall in that cave and run out to get me. These two dogs:


As you can see from the photo I missed them but they were so focused on me they did not see my Mrs on my 5 o'clock and she went straight over the white one. Did not know how she kept it up but she did. Both dogs ran off, the one howling. The next day for whatever reason we came past the same place again (I think it was close to the mine where I was working or something) and we slowed down to see if they would come out again. It was both funny and a relief to see them both behind the wall looking over the top at us. ;D

I once had a maltese poodle run right underneath my bike , not a mark on the dog at all .
But on another occasion I stopped at an intersection and a St Bernard that a woman was taking for a walk decided to jump on me , there I was , down and out in the middle of the road , and the dog licking me with his tail wagging away , I was ok , bike was ok , but the woman was frantic and screaming away , took a while to calm her down :biggrin:
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Offline silvrav

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2018, 09:29:30 am »
 :sip:
 

Offline JFE

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2018, 09:33:55 am »
A friend of mine an I did some backyard servicing on friends bikes back on the mid 80's in PE. Some bike club riders heard about this venture of ours and soon brought their bikes for minor tune-ups and small repairs.
One Saturday morning this rough guy brought his clapped Suzuki GS850 with the message: here is R50 - please make this bike GO again. We looked at each other and smiled. Told him to come back later the day. We did the usual checked the valve gaps. Balanced the carbs. Wiped here and there. And then we sprayed some Silicone Dash spray on the seat. When he came back to fetch his boney he asked if he could test ride it first. He did so and came back with the biggest smile ever. He started shouting: "what the hell did you oaks do with my boney. This thing is now unbelievable. This thing now goes the clappers. I can't believe it is the same bike, This thing now goes so well I slide back on the seat when I pull away"
He jumped on his bike and pulled away like a mad man just to get that feeling of sliding back on his seat because this bike now goes the clappers!

:-)
Had a 900F in matriek and my closest friend decided to wash it for me one day. Canít remember where I was at the time but he did a stellar job, polish the worx, except he used Cobra Touch on the seat.
Got the bike and drove out the driveway, and to my utter surprise and horror I had my tools pressed up against the clocks when I hit the front break.



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Offline Sabre

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2018, 10:08:51 am »
In the mid 70's I was on my way to Kyalami on my GT750 Suzuki. I stopped at 4-Ways to fill up. (4-Ways those days consisted of a garage and a shop)

Whilst filling the bike, a guy on a BMW stopped on the other side of the pump to also fill up.

When I started my bike, there was a distinct clattering noise from the engine as soon as I revved it. The BM guy, having taken off his helmet, looked at me and, shook his head, and said "Japanese !" He left

I looked all over the bike, started it a few times, but the noise was there as soon as I revved the bike. And then I noticed one of the casing bolts missing, and when I looked further down I could just see the head of the bolt where it sat in the split of the exhaust pipes. What happened was that the bolt would lie still whilst the bike was idling, but as soon as I revved the bike, the vibration would lift the bolt by about 5mm, and then shake the bolt against the two pipes where it generated the clattering noise.

With the bolt removed, the engine was "normal" again

I passed the guy on the BM at quite a rate of knots well before the Kyalami turn-off  :biggrin:
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Offline Welsh

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2018, 10:17:59 am »
Back in the early 80's I had a modified Suzuki GS750B twin cam but still with wire wheels, we were coming back from a party with my mate Drewy (Andrew) on the back, at the top of the hill was a "T" junction, so sharp right in first or second I guess, gave it horns then a 90 degree right and 90 degree left in the housing estate, thrown in deep, turned around to see what Drewy thought and no Drewy, so back I went and there he is walking down the road towards me, he had gone to open his visor a bit at the "T" junction when I gave it horns and flipped right off the back, whoops.. :biggrin: :biggrin:
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Offline 2wdrift

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2018, 12:49:55 pm »
We wired my one friends bike with a piece of wire from the spark plug to the hand grip where we painted the wire black. He would get on, kick it over and jump of with a shout. I get on holding the grip next to the wire and ride the bike around a bit reporting that I felt nothing. He gets on and once again shouts and drops the bike, so my other friend jumps on and rides the bike around like I did and once again the owner falls for it. Only after getting zapped about 9 times did he finally take the time to look at the grip and did he see the wire. Since then it has happened to all of us at least once when riding with the group.
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Offline Altie7deLaan

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2018, 01:56:21 pm »
Guy in Paarl was telling me about how he sold a XR500 some years ago.
Those were the days when you placed a ad in the paper.
Anyway, 2 guys  rock up together at Paarl from CT on a saturday morning, to look at XR500.
One of the two says he wants to take the XR around the block for a test ride.
Owner of the bike ask this guy, have you ridden a XR500, they are quite powerfull?
The guy responds with "Oom, ek het nog nie `n XR500 gery nie, maar ek KAN n bike ry!"
Anyway, this guy gets on the XR, and as he pulls away this XR is way up, on the back wheel, this guy is hanging unto the handlebars and running behind XR with the tail piece scraping on the tar.
Lucky the guys saves it, turns the bike around, parks it, and tells the oom:
"Nee wat oom ek gaan nie verder ry nie,  hierdie bike is reg ek sal hom vat..."




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Offline TheBear

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #17 on: October 08, 2018, 02:38:36 pm »
Parked at a road house in the early 80's, this dude arrives on a Suzuki GS1000 with full fairing and everything.  His girl is with him, an odd couple as he must be 6'6" and 110kg all muscle while she cannot be a big as Danny Pedrosa.  Anyway, they have something to eat.  When leaving the bike refuses to start.  Once the battery is flat, he and the teensy chick tries to push start, but she is teensy and he is not and then there is the bikes weight as well.  In their wisdom, they decide he would push and she would ride, dropping the clutch and all and all.  As the devil would have it, the drop the clutch, the bike starts after a few wild jerks and barks, then dies again, but a good couple of meters further on.  She keels over as her feet doesn't touch ground.  She falls on her arse, hops up an proceed the moer the shit out of the boyfriend.  That in itself was funny, but I will never forget his panicked voice, begging for his life: "Sorry liefie, sorry liefie, eina liefie ....." 
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Offline I&horse

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Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #18 on: October 08, 2018, 04:13:33 pm »
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Offline Kortbroek

Re: Funny motorcycle stories
« Reply #19 on: October 08, 2018, 04:28:29 pm »
Herhinner my aan 'n storie wat ek 3de hands vertel is van 'n eks kollega (Noem hom maar net HM):

Jare terug na 'n party op Kovsies kampus ry hy huistoe met die bike. Hy vertel toe blykbaar jare na die tyd die storie aand 'n ander kollega (noem hoem maar A):
HM: My bike se lig was nie wat wonders nie, maar het darem so effe geskyn. In die donker kom daar toe 'n student op 'n fiets van voor af. Ek hou links en die fiets swaai voor my in, ek swaai toe regs en die ou op die fiets volg en draai weer voor my in.

So hou hy op met praat.

"A" vra toe: Nou tref julle toe mekaar?

HM antwoord: Nie die eerste keer nie, maar toe ek van my bike afklim!!  :deal:

« Last Edit: October 08, 2018, 04:29:00 pm by Kortbroek »
- you reckon that thing will pop a wheelie? We're about to find out, SLAP that pig!