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Author Topic: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga  (Read 12246 times)

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #160 on: September 14, 2019, 01:26:27 am »

Yip, same in NZ and I believe the same in Aus but @BOZO can confirm

The reasom being the risk of medical expenses and support services to scrape you of the tarmac is much higher then with a car. So here the goverment says why must the rest pay for it? So the bike license and insurance is higher due to the higher risk.

 :imaposer: ok ok @immigrant you win

Not here in Victoria from what i have seen. I have a Tenere 660 and when i was looking around for Insurance the cheapest was from Yahama, they cam in at about $500 a year, The cars are about $1000. and we don't have the luxury of monthly / weekly insurance. The problem with that is alot of Aussies dont have insurance after their cars are paid.

BUT This may not be the case in the other states in Aus....

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #161 on: September 14, 2019, 01:31:34 am »
When it comes to breaking up a Sudanese teenage racket, you will find the coppers pretty useless.

Do they cause any problems?

Yep, they do, but there is a method to how the police fix this. They will go over the footage and 2 to 3 weeks later there will be some page 3 news article of how the instigators have been arrested.
All they need to do now is deport them back to their own countries.
You may agree or disagree, but why should the tax paying people pay for them to languish in jail here for 5 years.
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #162 on: September 14, 2019, 01:56:33 am »
It’s been a while since you have received news from the island, I must apologize for my tardiness and general lack of communication.
A lot has happened since we (me, myself and I) have communicated with you.
We have had a public holiday for a horse race.
There was one day when the sun came out in Melbourne and the mercury hit a high of 30 Degrees.
Wonder Woman went to watch tough mudder and tried to convince me to do it next year
We found another South Africa shop
The Bokke have successfully delivered a crushing blow to every supporter on the globe. After loosing to the silver ferns 57-15
The South African Cricket Team has handed the Aussies their proverbial asses to them.
I looked like a tool at Aldis when we went shopping.
I have been here for 6 months already and it’s my 12th letter and 6 is ½ of 12 which is the same amount of months in a year, and the average temperature in Melbourne
There you have it. BOOM. That’s the short version and you can consider yourself all caught up and go back to work.
If you want the longer version then by all means please read on.    :deal: :lamer:
So In Victoria (that’s like Gauteng) on the Island they have a horse race every year called the Melbourne (that’s like Pretoria) cup. But because the locals here love a day off they found the tallest animal around and decided to make it run in a circle. I think they tried with the kangaroos first but apparently when sitting in the pouch the Jockeys looked like a tiny penis sticking out and it hurt the kangaroos feelings. The RSPCA got involved and after 3 years it was voted that although the kangaroos do have feelings, it was the fact that they are too lazy to care that got them voted off the list. 
The Melbourne cup is Large ,they call it the race that stops the nation, it runs on the first Tuesday of November , that way is always a public holiday. Everyone places bets and has some sort of party. Last year the tab’s (it like a betting business) did a turnover of $80 million.
Anyway November 1 rocks up and it’s a public holiday, we are all excited to watch these “walking glue factories” go round a long green track as fast as possible. Some of the Jockeys were even wearing water wings in case they fell off the tall dogs. Not to be mistaken with tall horse which is a good wine or a giraffe.
As race time approaches, I’m pumped, I can feel the electricity in the air I imagine that I’m there at the race. I have been looking for horse a called “my-face” so I can place a bet for wonder woman and stand next to her when the race is on. Just so I can record her shouting “COME ON MYFACE”. Unfortunately the only interesting tall dog was called “who killed the barman” ,the Jockey is 13cm taller than a two year old and looks like he never left the kangaroos pouch. The race starts with a bang and the horse are off…… 4 minutes later and some tall dog crosses the line ahead of the others and the race is over. What a crock of shit. But I enjoyed the holiday anyway thanks Australia. Fast forward a couple of days and I heard that the commentator that has been calling the race for the last 38 years is going to retire and they are looking for a new “World class” race caller.
This got me to thinking that there is no time like the present for a career change. I was sure I was in with a chance, but reality struck a cruel blow, when I thought about my credentials and what I could put in my CV.
From a public speaking point of view there is no problem there. A merit award for acting in 1993 is a step in the door. A slight stutter when having to speak quickly starts to close the door with me on the wrong side and the final nail in the coffin is my inability to remember the name of anything that’s not a friend or a motorbike.
I can see the reply now.

Dear Sir,
After due consideration of your rather weakly worded and uninspiring application we have decided to decline your application, however, as Australia is an all-inclusive and participative nation and we love to look like we are trying to help, we suggest that you do the following.
The is a Terrapin racing tournament happening on the gold coast in two weeks the big contenders are Flappy, Snappy and Crusty. We believe that the 1.2m blow-up pool will fall within your current eyesight limitations as well and the uncomplicated names of the contestants. However the speed of the contestants may be a challenge but if you stick to it we are sure you will succeed.
In closing please never apply for this post again.
Yours,
Kangaroo jack   :deal:


Sometime after the Race the sun came out and the mercury shot straight past the 22 deg marker all the way up to the 30 deg.
The Aussies were like poms out there. They chuck a sickie (“Sickie : day off sick from work (chuck a sickie = take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy!)”) and rush down to the beach.
It was foken NAG, well actually, it wasn’t NAG at all, it was DAG out there, people were jumping in to subzero water, they were all tjuning each other “flip flap flop” or something. Which means put sun cream on. 
The Okes were loving it. All-of-a-sardine the wind picks up and the clouds come in strong and fast like Mother Russia. “No Worries Mate” this is Melbourne, the locals head off home in 20 minutes the sun will be back and there will be open parking again.
Well mother nature had different plans this time, the pollen count was so high that people were dying from hay-fever ok well it was only 3 but still. I quote: “There were 2,000 calls to triple-0 for ambulances between 6:00pm and 11:00pm — nearly seven times more than usual.”
"In the 15 minutes from 7:00pm when we would expect about 30 triple-0 calls for ambulance there were 200 calls — that's a call every 4.5 seconds”
LOL have you ever!! because going for a ride in an ambulance is free and so are doctor visits if you shit your pants you can call triple-0. ------- only if you are a citizen…. Us immigrants just look at a doctor and you are in for $80. Nevermind the ambulance ride. I had to help Trenticles understand that every time he stubbs his toe we don’t need to see a doc or go for physio, just because his mates get it for free doesn’t mean we do. Also, man-up!! we are South Africans. We have survived through it all. Locking doors at night, having an alarm system at home, burglar bars on windows, buying a car with air-con cause you can’t open the window.
Flippit these okes here are babies.
Wonder woman went off to a race called tough mudder to watch our chommie take on 21km of mud, kak and tree houses. Its similar to the warrior races in SA but there are aussies and nobody speaks Afrikaans. She comes back as says to me. Ooooooh that looks like fun I think we should do it next year…….REALLY? The last time something “looked like fun” I had to carry a frikken house on my back for 5 days up and down a mountain 500 times a day, my balls chaffed and I ate out of a tin!!! Clearly my definition of fun is different from wonder woman’s. I did nip it in the bud and said no straight off but I have a feeling that next year this time you will be reading a long soliloquy of how I got mud and shit in my crack and how my but cheeks have been rubbed raw.   >:D

One advantage of living in this time zone is not having to watch the springboks live, my humble internet connection and streaming sport channel’s do little justice to the shocking state of springbok rugby.
It easier to wake up on a Sunday morning and scroll through whatsapp and facebook to get a general feel for the match. All I can say is don’t waste money buying a supports jersey!!!
On the other hand Darren the Cricketers are smashing the Aussies, you wouldn’t think that anybody watches cricket when you walk in to my office, well that was until FAF put some spit on the ball.
Now apparently everybody does and the only reason the Aussies are losing is because the South Africans are cheats and Hansie’s legacy still has a grip on South African cricket and yada yada yada….. If I was FAF I would have given that channel nine reporter a PK at the airport. While he was down on the floor looking for his mic I wouda taken the offending lolly and stuck it in his hair…… actually, I would never have done that, but hey how boring would this story be then……

Ok one last update before I sign off.  ::)

So you will remember when I told you the story about “aldis” and Trenticles having to pack the Trolley for the first time. How I laughed and laughed at him.

Well wonder woman and I trundle off to Aldi’s to do the shop to feed the eating machine. All good, it now time to pack the stuff on the counter, pack and pay. Standard stuff. The Tills here are different, almost opposite of what you get in South Africa, they have a long conveyer belt where you put your groceries, and then a small area where the teller sits and a tiny area where you have to pack your shit back into the trolley as fast as possible.
The conveyer belt is so long it can hold about 3 trolleys worth of food. So what you do is pack your stuff on the conveyer belt and then get a little plastic thingy and divide your stuff from the people in front and behind.
For the last six months this how it works and I have had this love hate relationship with the teller’s because they wait for me to pack the stuff on the belt and they jerk the motor on the conveyer to make all the shit fall over. And they all do it!!! 
It’s like when you go for induction training at Aldis’ there is some bitter old cricket player that teaches the tellers how to piss off customers.  But we are a team and wonder woman doesn’t like it when I give the tellers my “come on test me” look. As you can imagine this must be quite a sight. A squinty-eyed, pig faced, bleskop fat man, trying to read the small print on a flavoured condom box, but trying to look cool is not really going to scare anybody let alone some teller.
We are standing in the queue waiting our turn to pack onto the conveyer belt when some Aussie choones that they are going to open another till so we don’t get tired of standing in line. Shweeeeet I recon to the musses and we start unpacking on the conveyer belt. When we have about half of the trolley unpacked the conveyer jerks into action and I’m about to give my best “come on test me” look to the teller………
I look up and there is nobody there…….
Ooooohhh boy… here’s kak I think to myself.
If this conveyer doesn’t stop quickly all this stuff is gonna go straight past the empty teller seat and moer off the end…..and still the belt is moving, at high speed by the way.
Being the man of action that I am, I stick my arm out to hold all the food back on the conveyer belt…… now just take a minute and think about what I looked like. 40 years old, balding, grumpy, fat man holding back a trolley load of food on a conveyer belt with a quickly developing look of panic, searching in desperation for someone to turn off the belt……
Jussus man the wine was in front, imagine that had broken……
One of the shoppers in the line behind us waits till his kak is pushing against ours aswell and says……
”It’s an auto stop mate, there is a sensor at the end of the belt”…..
Wonder woman is all of a sudden very interested in the small print on the display items, I’m left alone, a beautiful red light bulb on a string, a lonely wolf howling at the moon.
 At least wonder woman didn’t laugh directly in my face, she waited until we were in the car…..!!! :imaposer:
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Offline Ri

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #163 on: September 14, 2019, 09:53:52 am »
Where is the crying-with-laughter emoji when you need it ... :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #164 on: September 17, 2019, 12:28:21 pm »
Ahhh man..... it’s only Tuesday.........come on weekend.. we are having great weather until. Friday and then is going to be shitty again.. that’s ok though. I spent some time today pondering over it...


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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #165 on: September 17, 2019, 12:30:49 pm »
Summer is approaching like a chameleon on a dance floor, which means that we will possibly be able to wear shorts and tee shirts again. Long hot days, ice cold beers, cricket, solo bike trips and braai's are invigorating for the soul. Trust me when I say that “this year”, I will be taking full advantage of that big old yellow ball in the sky.
 
My first thoughts, after beer, bikes and boobs, are with my see-through wife and kids.
They will have to apply liberal amounts of suntan lotion using the Aussie mantra "Slip, Slop, Slap". Living with three glowing red radioactive Muppets pouting around the house because they crossed the street unprotected is not fun.
Ok so maybe I'm being a bit harsh. I do however feel that I am better prepared this year. We have been collecting other people’s stuff, and the way I see it is, it’s not hard rubbish if it never made it to the pavement.
In an effort to protect wonder woman, who, on a cloudy day burns like a forgotten minute steak on an open fire. We have umbrellas, straw hats and a slave waving a palm leaf in the background ready and waiting for her.
Spiderpig has fully evolved into a full blown teenager, basically he burrows away in a darkened room plays PlayStation only emerging like a sloth to eat and shit. I recon if this unhealthy trend continues, he should be the completely vitamin D deficient by this time next year. As a parent (obviously not a very good one) I know I should put a stop to this lifestyle but my geeky science side has kicked in and I'm morbidly fascinated to see the long term effects of extreme sloth-dom-ness. Also, I'm tired of fighting with a hairy slinky that apparently knows everything. (as a side note, his teacher made him join the school debate team.....Do we have the next parliament member in our ranks? God, I hope not!!)
Trenticles does pretty well protecting himself from the sun, but he does have a girlfriend that lathers him up so much he looks like competitor in an oil wrestling match, but it’s for only for men, wow that’s a nasty thought.....(delete from memory banks). In quest to have the perfect mullet, he did do an inspection of the top of my head the other day and asked if wearing a hat all the time would do what it’s done to my hair (or lack thereof?) A little old lady, one hand in a plastic bag tethered to her shitting dog, was almost taken out by a laughing Wonder woman who was driving at the time. Lucky for me my vanity died long ago with my ambition and my testosterone production, I really don’t care if I look like a turtle in a half shell. I’m just glad he wears a hat! Although I can’t understand why the youth of today refuse to take the stickers off them. I mean you don’t go to woollies and buy a tee- shirt and leave the xxxl sticker on it do you? Kind if fits into the same bracket of people that say Nikey instead of Nike. You know who you are. Thank the pope my name is not Mike......
There is really no other news to tell you about what’s happening here only that this helps me feel connected to you in some weird cosmic fluffy bunny way.
Alas as Oscar Wilde pontificated "Work is the curse of the drinking class", I must return to mine.


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Offline roxenz

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #166 on: September 17, 2019, 01:49:28 pm »
Sounding more and more like a philosopher there, BOZO. Has a certain ring to it: Philosophy of BOZO...   :biggrin:  Perhaps a book? Or a syndicated little column in the Melbourne News?

Thanks for the laughs - much better than all the political crap!   :thumleft:
 

Offline Buff

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #167 on: September 17, 2019, 02:02:08 pm »

As race time approaches, I’m pumped, I can feel the electricity in the air I imagine that I’m there at the race. I have been looking for horse a called “my-face” so I can place a bet for wonder woman and stand next to her when the race is on. Just so I can record her shouting “COME ON MYFACE”.

I'm dead  :laughing4: :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer:
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Offline ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #168 on: September 17, 2019, 02:05:51 pm »
 I have been looking for horse a called “my-face” so I can place a bet for wonder woman and stand next to her when the race is on. Just so I can record her shouting “COME ON MYFACE”.

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Offline Offshore

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #169 on: September 17, 2019, 07:39:42 pm »
Bozo, you are our loss and the Aussies Trophy.  :thumleft:
 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #170 on: September 19, 2019, 06:20:56 am »
This next part was written at the end of 2016.
We had been on the island for about seven months. I was SERIOUSLY home sick. I was missing my friends and family.

Its come to the end of 2016 and I thought it would be a good idea to summarize up what’s happened over the last 365 days.
I’ve never done this before so please excuse me if I miss out some bits and pieces.

But first it’s time for a quick story. “PATIENCE YOU MUST HAVE my young padawan”

Amazingly the sun eventually came out and we went for a swim in the bay where the locals hangout. It’s all very civilized, no one wants to sit on your lap, nobody is having a conversation at 100000 db with the person sitting next to them. In fact it’s so civilized that you can even watch the 20 somethings almost pomping in their tents.
Trenticles obviously didn’t believe me when I told him, so he went for a walk to check it out. True as nuts, pun intended, :deal:  there’s two young ones leaning on the edge of 3rd base. Obviously, I don’t endorse this kind of behavior as it sets bad example to my offspring, that have very young and impressionable minds.
I did spend some time trying to check what was happening, purely for research purposes.  :drif:
Besides If I’m going to be impressing anything into their minds it will be about keeping a souf efrikan aaakkkcent.
AG Ja, We had a lekker day on the beach where we saw a few blokes strutting their stuff wearing budgie smugglers (speedo), sunnies and casually necking a bottle.
The wife even went in to the water…………… I know……. Have you ever???
While I was sitting quietly holding a stubbie, and watching the *brickies, sparkies, truckies, chippies, and posties enjoying themselves I started to wonder about a few things.

One of them being parrots.
It seems to me there is a rite of passage in South Africa that when you get to certain age or mental state or you are just really bored with life you say to yourself. I want a pet.
Not just any pet, I want a pet that lives for 50 years, shits in a cage, needs constant attention, fucks up anything it can put in its mouth / beak and copy’s everything I say.
Oh and to top it off, after all of that I also want it to be expensive. REALLY Expensive.
Great now that you have ticked all the boxes go to your local pet shop, fork out a small mound of cash and buy a parrot.
A real life parrot. Then spend the next 50 years cleaning up after said bird, constantly walking past it saying “who’s a pretty bird then?”.......
ohhhh I bet you, if that bird knew how to answer you, it wouldn’t say “who’s a pretty bird?”……
aaaannnnnyyywwwwaaayyyyy I digress with my digression. .
Here on the island we have parrots here too. Lots of them. White ones with pink heads, they look like they’ve been caught unawares in a orgy with flamingos and got the short end of the stick at the wrong moment.  (picture1)
We have green ones, and then there are even grey ones.
But you need to understand one thing here, these birds don’t take no kak.   8)
They are mean seed eating, pip shitting screaming machines. (picture 2)
They are so bad the that doves have grown Mohawks to look meaner. (picture 3) :o

So as one does when one has nothing to do, I was wondering if anybody out there knows how to get some more interesting birds to Australia…
As you can imagine I didn’t spend too much time thinking about parrots, especially when it looked like the young couple had eventually reached 3rd base, it looked like we were in for a full on beach party when somebody’s moral compass kicked in and they decided to go for a swim.
The oke looked Da-Bliksem-in by the way.

So I went back to Parrots and cracked open another stubby.

Have you ever wondered what a parrot in wild sounds like.??

One would think that a “pretty boy”, with enough plumage to look like a royal guard outside Buckingham Palace would be able to sing like James Blunt.
If you close your eyes and imagine carefully the notes would elude to some soft wanting tune that pulls at the heart strings and seduces young virgins into nights of wild abandon…..
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this is definitely NOT what a parrot sounds like.
This pea brained pip shitter, sounds like Trenticles the next morning after the first time he ate a box of 24 Chicken Licken hotwings on his own like a porker. (http://www.chickenlicken.co.za)
Or the scene from dumb and dumber where Jim Carey says “Hey want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAWoP1kncRE
If you don’t have internet or haven’t tasted hot wings or don’t want to watch some of the funniest stuff on earth then just imagine this sound then.

Sneak into your mother-in-laws bedroom early in the morning before everyone is awake, climb quietly into bed without disturbing either mom-in-law or dad-in-law.
Go in for a cuddle and when they start waking up, ask
"what’s for breakfast""…..
The Noise that you hear, will be close to what a typical native Australian parrot sounds like.
I was going to say it’s nothing to write home about.
But then I already have written about it and I don’t feel like writing about something else.

To be continued  :thumleft:


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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #171 on: September 19, 2019, 07:26:42 am »
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Offline Ian in Great Brak River

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #172 on: September 20, 2019, 05:17:12 am »
Man Alive! Thank fark for this lekker thread, just the laugh I need...ed today. Nothing like the passing of a 160mph hurricane to put it all in perspective. You are to be commended Master Bozo and your Bozoites.
So many wise truths in these just read 9 pages, and again I am psychedelically reminded just how fortunate we are to be able to do what we do in SA. One of my 3 best mates calls Albany WA home and it would appear that the remaining 2 and I will be in his part of the world next May, so I must begin to practice saying FlatWhiteDoubleDouble regularly from now on.

Seeing more and more good Aussie bike RR’s on the Tube out into the Simpson and Flinders areas but the guys do seem to keep a certain social distance from each other ... might just be my imagination I s’pose.

I am stunned at the vehicle insurance costs on your island.

Awaiting your next installment.

 8)

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Offline Tman21

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #173 on: September 20, 2019, 09:04:51 am »


Amazingly the sun eventually came out and we went for a swim in the bay where the locals hangout. It’s all very civilized, no one wants to sit on your lap, nobody is having a conversation at 100000 db with the person sitting next to them. In fact it’s so civilized that you can even watch the 20 somethings almost pomping in their tents.
Trenticles obviously didn’t believe me when I told him, so he went for a walk to check it out. True as nuts, pun intended, :deal:  there’s two young ones leaning on the edge of 3rd base.
'
You have been gone for longer than you think.  Its gone up to 350000db since youve left. >:(
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Offline THROTTLE JOCKEY

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #174 on: September 20, 2019, 10:45:58 am »
You made my Friday.

Not sure if I want to go to Aus now or stay well away.  :biggrin:
Ride it like you stole it!

OWN:KTM 950 SE***Suzuki DR650***Yamaha XT 600 Tenere***Yamaha XT 200***Honda CRF450X***Honda TRX 300 Quad***CRF1000AT
LIBERATED:KTM 640 Adventure***Suzuki 200 Djebel
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Offline Boerbok

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #175 on: September 21, 2019, 06:49:46 am »
You guys are amateurs when it comes to insurance.....

 :eek7:  :eek7:  :eek7:

Ek het redelik jammer vir myself gevoel toe ek in Jul $1600 moes betaal vir die kar en bike... Ek belowe ek sal nie weer kla nie.

« Last Edit: September 21, 2019, 07:03:33 am by Boerbok »
Hans

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SOLD: 2013 BMW F800GS - 2007 BMW G650 XChallenge - 2004 BMW R1200GS - 2002 KTM 640 Adventure - 1998 Honda XR600R
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #176 on: September 24, 2019, 01:08:02 am »

This was written at the end of 2016. It was a recap of the year and a merry xmas letter.
I can tell you that the after being here for 3 and a half years that saying merry xmas across the ocean doesent get any eaiser.
Qantas and the rest of the Airways take full advantage of this situation and its SUPER expensive to fly over December.

Almost 365 days ago, wonder woman and I had a sit down to discuss the future of us, that’s “Morty, Wonder Woman, Trento and Spiderpig”
The future of our beautiful county we call South Africa and where we fit in, how it all fits together and where will we be in 10 years’ time.
I had finally got my Degree in Business Management, I had put new tyres on my GSA, we had an awesome farm to visit on weekends, hell even the sin tax on cigarettes and beer didn’t bother me too much.
Things were looking up. ;D
And then they started burning Universities, appointing DimWits into financial Minister Positions and the list goes on.
Changing Jobs was basically impossible for a WEM, or a WAM and my the future for my boys was looking slim. :dousing:

So we decided to “Investigate our options”….. this is where the fun starts. My Investigations vs Wonder Womans gestapo style "I vant to only heer von Clik" Style
My investigations were have a chat to some foreigners that I have met over the years and some expats, you know, standard questions like.
How much is beer?
How much are smokes?
What’s the weather like?
Are the chicks hot?
How much are bikes?
Wonder woman on the other hand went full balls to the wall investigation, as one would expect I suppose.
We quickly (in retrospect mistakenly?) ruled out Canada as an option, ‘too cold hey’
America, as you just can’t get in there
The UK is already full and besides I can’t speak soccer.
So, we were left with Australia or New Zealand. 
I put out feelers and before you know it we were organizing plane tickets. Holy CRAP in a bucket, what? From a fleeting thought to sitting in Melbourne where the sun shines, then doesn’t, then does, It’s a bit like a four year old discovering a light switch for the first time.  >:(
Living in Melbourne is like driving a RENAUT that’s just passed its warranty date, very unpredictable and F#$Ken expensive.
But wait, before we got to Aussie, we did other stuff aswell.
Wonder Woman and your truly “Fatty long bottom”, joined the Benoni Gym Bunnies in a “fun” event called the Otter Trail.  :snorting:
Its advertised (I imagine) as a 45km meandering walk through god’s country where you can take in spectacular panoramas of the Indian Ocean, get lost in the breathtakingly beautiful forests and become one with nature.
That’s all true, except it felt like a 450km walk up and down the side of cliffs where we enjoyed the parts where we could sit down and die quietly. All this time the GYM bunnies bounced from rock to rock like mountain goats, singing the hills are alive with the sound of music.
FOK that was hard. But lekker. Would I do it again? Yes.  My fat ass lost 6kg on that little trippie.
Trento had made the transition from "big fish in a little pond to little fish in a big pond" and went to JEPPIE to discover that boarding school is the worst and best thing that can happen to a young man.
He went in thinking that he was going to be DA MAN, came back a week later, tail between his legs, not happy with the world. Wonder woman and Trento were not happy with the situation. BUT 3 months later Trento and Wonder Woman had adjusted to the Boarding School life and peace was restored, albeit tenuous.
I can tell you without a doubt that even though Trento was only in boarding school for 6 months, he came out a better person with a new appreciation for the finer things in life. Like a fridge, TV, and food.
After the news of immigrating hit home. I started selling off my children and I have to tell you it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done. :o
Firstly I had to say goodbye to my WR450, when I think of her, she was like that HOT girl everybody wanted to get stuck into but was too scared to approach.
I found that if you massaged her ego a little and treated her nicely, she would behave, but, add one or two beers, get brave, and pull her hair and you are left with broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. There is a reason the yamaha symbol is made up of tuning forks. Just test that 450 and it tjunes you riiight back my bra!!! :deal:
So with a heavy heart I let her go to an unsuspecting young Jedi Knight that had not yet turned to the dark side.
I held on to my favourite for as long as possible, although not everyone’s term of endearment is “fat pig,” I fondly referred to her as such with affection and love, she was comfortable, always ready for a ride, even in the chilly mornings she would keep my hands warm by allowing me to grip her just that bit little harder, her loving embrace at 180km/h always managed to get my blood pumping and the fun between my legs factor just never ended.
She was even more beautiful with her new takkies that I bought her for her birthday.... Sadly I could not bring myself to say goodbye to my “fat pig” and while I was hiding at work I made wonder woman do it.
If I sit quietly, I can still hear those twin akrapovic’s screaming “10% More”. Oh well, now when I’m Luss, I sneak off to the bathroom and watch BMW GS Adventure videos on the toilet.
Ok where was I……. Oh JA,
We jetted off on a plane to Australia (Stralia) in May where after a frantic week of looking for a car and a place to rent, Wonder Woman returned to the mainland and left me on the island to fend for myself. I managed to survive (just) in the sweeping rain and shitty weather, on a basic diet of one pot cooking and streaming TV.
When the family arrived, I was over the moon looking forward to having a conversation with someone. We slept on blow up mattresses for a month before our stuff arrived and we had a great time bonding as a family and learning all about this strange new land that we are in.
The kids settled in to school quickly and Wonder Woman started looking for a job.
Apparently finding a job here is not as easy as we thought but through thorough tough thought and determination, she eventually landed a sweet position.
I’m sure she will be running the business soon enough. :)
We have done a lot of cool things here and met lots of cool people, every now and again we meet up with Nicola and her crazy connections and neck a bottle or two. I’m currently King of the pool table, Nicola is Queen of swing ball, and wonder woman is hunting for a trophy (I Think I should get a dart board).
We will be spending Xmas eve with a 50/50 couple Marius and Vanessa, both are South Africans, but Marius has recently got his citizenship and Vanessa is still waiting, so now when we seem them is like “hello mate and Tannie”.
Xmas Day will be spent with Nicola and it looks like the sun will be out. Anything can happen is all I can say.
In closing when we were saying goodbye to family and friends, there were parties, tears, hangovers, laughter and hugs. The laughter is the happy memories that last forever.
I suppose because we/I didn’t know how hard it would be, to be away, I didn’t take the time to sit down and look each person in the eye and tell them how much each and everyone means to me and how your friendship and love have pulled me through the dark times.  :'(
Its hardest at this time of the year when we know everyone is together, there is nothing like those impromptu golf games that last well into the night, the 200 beers and potjiekos. The loud music and the poker games.
It’s with a lump in my throat that I say to everyone on the receiving end of this mail, have a fantastic Xmas, look into the eyes of the ones you care about and tell them how you feel.
Its hard to do that when there is an ocean between you and a 9-hour time difference. 
Remember, Blood doesn't make family. Love makes family.
I feel like I have a big Family and I’m all the richer for it.   8)


Some Aussie Terms....
brickie = bricklayer
sparky = electrician
Tradie = Tradesman
trucky = truck driver
chippie = carpenter
brekkie = breakfast
tinny = can of beer or small aluminium boat
prezzie = present
Chrissy = Christmas
Barbie = barbeque
Mozzy = mosquito
Pokies = poker machines
Chewie = chewing gum
Lippie = Lipstick
Rellie = A relative, family member
Brizzy = Brisbane (capital of Queensland)
Sickie = To take a day off work when you are not be actually sick
Pollies = politicians
Bikkie = biscuit
Cozzies = swimsuit
Boardies = boardshorts
Postie = postman
Vinnies = St Vincent de Paul Society (charity)
Sunnies = sunglasses
Woollies = Woolworths or warm winter clothing
Exy = Expensive
Footy = Football
Laccy band = elastic or rubber band
Mundy, Sundy, Satdy = Monday, Sunday, Saturday etc.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Online Mr Zog

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #177 on: September 24, 2019, 03:40:23 am »
A brilliant letter you wrote there mate  :thumleft:

I also left SA in 2016, March 15 to be exact, and it was effing difficult to say goodbye. The absolute worst was saying goodbye to my son who was 9 at the time.

Friends, family, parents... it left an ugly pit in my guts.

But very soon I was too busy trying to earn a buck to pay bills and buy food. Keeping busy as all heck helped to keep the thoughts of those left behind from the forefront of my mind, and writing my "blog" on this forum helped to share the hurt, and all the other ups and downs.

Starting over from scratch, with nothing, and without any recognized qualifications or references was, and still is, hard as fuck. But it does get easier. Just a little at a time.

I'm sure you have experienced the same  :thumleft:
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #178 on: September 25, 2019, 08:36:42 am »
A brilliant letter you wrote there mate  :thumleft:

I also left SA in 2016, March 15 to be exact, and it was effing difficult to say goodbye. The absolute worst was saying goodbye to my son who was 9 at the time.

Friends, family, parents... it left an ugly pit in my guts.

But very soon I was too busy trying to earn a buck to pay bills and buy food. Keeping busy as all heck helped to keep the thoughts of those left behind from the forefront of my mind, and writing my "blog" on this forum helped to share the hurt, and all the other ups and downs.

Starting over from scratch, with nothing, and without any recognized qualifications or references was, and still is, hard as fuck. But it does get easier. Just a little at a time.

I'm sure you have experienced the same  :thumleft:

I agree, Keeping busy is the only way to move on.
Its hard.
My biggest disappointment was after spending 6 years of early mornings studying to get my Degree to arrive here and find out that it's not worth the paper it printed on....
Anyhooo as someone said to me.

"drink a cup of cement and harden the fuck up"  ;D
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #179 on: September 25, 2019, 08:41:50 am »
So today I got to do a road trip with a slaes guy at the office. For the first time I got to be in the passenger seat and got to look out the window and take photos of our country side.
A quick 40 minutes outside the city and the beauty of the Victorian country side is inspiring.
In these pictures you can see the daisies growing in the lands. So lekker!!
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z