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Author Topic: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga  (Read 13708 times)

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Offline Ganjora

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #240 on: October 11, 2019, 04:17:38 pm »
forget about a shoe.
get the vacuum cleaner.
with my hoover you hear a solid whack as the bastard hits the side of the drum.
it's the final solution.
 :thumleft:
 

Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #241 on: October 11, 2019, 05:18:32 pm »
My wife will bliksem me senseless if I use her hoover... :patch:
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Offline big oil

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #242 on: October 11, 2019, 05:58:45 pm »
I couldn't kill something so beautiful and beneficial to the ecosystem.

Spiders are brilliant creatures.
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Offline jaybiker

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #243 on: October 12, 2019, 03:10:32 pm »
I couldn't kill something so beautiful and beneficial to the ecosystem.

Spiders are brilliant creatures.



Except for the 'beautiful' 'brilliant' creature that put me in hospital and made me a sweating, shivering weakling for a couple of weeks.

I'd cheerfully kill that little fucker!   :cussing:
 

Offline big oil

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #244 on: October 12, 2019, 03:35:47 pm »
I couldn't kill something so beautiful and beneficial to the ecosystem.

Spiders are brilliant creatures.



Except for the 'beautiful' 'brilliant' creature that put me in hospital and made me a sweating, shivering weakling for a couple of weeks.

I'd cheerfully kill that little fucker!   :cussing:

, you shouldn’t have gotten in the spiders way

The most poisonous spider in my neck of the woods is the Brown Recluse. 



After effect








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Offline tau

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #245 on: October 13, 2019, 08:02:23 pm »
Awesome read. I spent 2 weeks in Northern Queensland beginning September. I just stopped ordering coffee after day 2.

Went fishing and almost stepped on a snake .

Stayed in many guesthouses that had no possibility of locking the backdoor or windows.
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #246 on: October 13, 2019, 10:28:21 pm »
forget about a shoe.
get the vacuum cleaner.
with my hoover you hear a solid whack as the bastard hits the side of the drum.
it's the final solution.
 :thumleft:
You mad, what if it survives the ordeal. and it comes back. ANGRY...... Its easier to move countries.  :imaposer:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #247 on: October 13, 2019, 10:30:22 pm »
The most poisonous spider  in my neck of the woods is the Brown Recluse. ......

That's not pretty. not pretty at all.  :'(
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #248 on: October 13, 2019, 10:34:28 pm »
I thought of you, @BOZO and @Maverick, when I found this near my bathroom last night.

This morning I threw my towel over the shower wall, turned on the water and stepped under it. When I turned around, a stealthy movement caught my eye. This one was crawling carefully up the towel and away from me, barely centimetres away. A chilly shudder went through me as I hastily shoo'ed it on its course up and out.

Now, I have no fear of spiders, but this was a bit too close for comfort, and reminded me of that scene from "Psycho" where instead of a knife, a spider flies at me.

AWWWWWW HEEEELLLLLLLLLLL NAAAAAAA..... that's a good case for dialing 000, get the fire department, police, ambulance, and while you are at it call S.W.A.T  :imaposer:
 
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Offline big oil

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #249 on: October 16, 2019, 03:58:59 am »
The most poisonous spider  in my neck of the woods is the Brown Recluse. ......

That's not pretty. not pretty at all.  :'(

I'd like to lick the wound to see what it tastes like......
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #250 on: October 16, 2019, 04:41:01 am »
 :laughing4: :laughing4:  :confused4: :brushteeth:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #251 on: October 17, 2019, 10:04:54 am »
It’s 19 degrees, not bad for October, the time had just gone 15:15. And it was a Sunday afternoon. It felt much like any other Sunday afternoon.
Well not really, peace had descended in the household of the family on the island. Trenticles was at a basketball game dressed in his mullet mafia outfit.
Spiderpig was in his room trying to learn to play his newly acquired guitar, hopefully filled with dreams of playing like slash from guns and roses . Wonder Woman was multitasking, doing washing, searching for a dog on her iPad, watching the rugby and some other kak.
I was almost horizontal on the lazy boy, being, literally, a lazy boy, my attention was glued to the tv, watching a world cup rugby game. To keep my energy levels at peak performance I was busy eating left over steak from the night before’ s braai smothered in my “world famous” chilli sauce. (trust me its pretty good)
While I was in mid bliss steak chew, I heard something outside the back door. I leant back and looked through the sliding door and literally shat my fucking pants.  All the joy of steak eating and rugby watching was ripped from my feeble mind.
In one swift, unfortunately not smooth, move I launched from my semi catatonic state into a something that looked like a three legged cheetah chasing after a rabbit on a greyhound race track.
Wonder woman, who, after almost 20 years of marriage, had not seen such dexterity from this wobbling mass of human flesh was left wide eyed, mouth hanging open like a Venus fly trap and stunned in my wake. 
By the time wonder woman realized that I was not going for an emergency shit all she could hear was the fading sound of my foot thongs going fap, fap, fap around the corner of the house as I sprinted to fetch the hosepipe from the front garden.
You see in the back corner of said garden, there was an inferno going on. The flames were about 2 meters high and growing rapidly!!!
With the blaze increasing by the second there was no time to dilly dally and I hurriedly connected the hose and started to attempt to subdue this hot angry beast from hell. < wow that’s pretty dramatic if I do say so myself
If you think that the story ends there  you would be wrong. You see the hose pipe that we bought 2 years ago was originally 10 meters long. Over time it has gradually become shorter as random people walking past cut pieces of to make bongs. It so happened that on this particular day, this was a problem. I stuck my finger into the end of the pipe to get the water to reach the blaze but it was not giving a satisfactory result. Wonder Woman was now standing next to me with a salad bowl in her hands said in her best “I’m not panicking” voice. “What can I do?”
In a staggered stuttering answer where my brain was working faster than my mouth I managed to tell her to get the thingy-ma-bob that fits onto the end of the hose so that I could spray the raging fire that was now starting to burn the neighbours shed. In a flash still with the salad bowl in her hand she was back and we worked like a well oiled machine to assemble and continue our fire fighting efforts. Eventually after copious amounts of water and smoke I had won a battle of epic proportions (20% -40% added for drama) the fire was out and we could asses the damage. Not pretty comes to mind. Lucky the shed was aluminium and the biggest problem is the paint that has blackened and peeled. The fence on the other had will need to be replaced…. URGH…… oh and my compost pit is now just a burned pit of coals……   
We eventually made it back inside to finnish  watching the rugby, I had to reheat my steak, but just could not get back into my lazy boy state again…
Oh well. Ended up being quite a different Sunday evening.
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Offline Ri

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #252 on: October 17, 2019, 04:09:34 pm »
:eek:

Did your compost heap spontaneously combust?
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #253 on: October 17, 2019, 06:41:18 pm »
:eek:

Did your compost heap spontaneously combust?

They do that. So does hay bales...
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Offline silvrav

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #254 on: October 17, 2019, 08:44:26 pm »
:eek:

Did your compost heap spontaneously combust?

They do that. So does hay bales...

Yip, compost heaps generate methane gas, and can reach up to high 70 degree celsius, so give just the right combination and poof.

Lots of independant farmers in the US actually uses compost heaps to heat pipes running through it for various things (greenhouse heating, water heating etc)
« Last Edit: October 17, 2019, 10:57:50 pm by silvrav »
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #255 on: October 17, 2019, 10:18:28 pm »
I'm not sure what started it, but I'm just happy that I was there to stop it. Those fences burn quickly and with quite an intense heat. The end result could have been very different. :thumleft:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #256 on: October 17, 2019, 10:46:04 pm »
Time to continue with the stories.
So we are now at the beginning of 2017 Life on the island is still not easy, I am swinging in an out of i know i made the right decision to move here but I would rather be back home.
These thoughts are made worse when Wonder Woman's dad passed away from cancer. She was obviously heart broken, and I was taking big strain as we were quite close aswell.
The hardest part about being so distant and having a huge time gap is when this kind of thing happens. Ask anyone that has immigrated and they will agree.

AAAAAAAnnnnnnnnd GO!

Life as we know it is a funny thing. As soon as you think It’s all going well something comes up behind you and gives you a RFS from behind.
_________________________________________________________________________________
2017 did not start out as all fun and games and we suffered a terrible loss in the family, Nikki’s Dad, John, Passed away. 
He was a Legend of a Man, Father, Father-in-law, Grandfather and Friend and I truly respected and loved him with all my heart and mind.
I have many fun and memorable stories that I could share about John but I feel that this is not the forum to tell these stories, so all I will say is rest in peace John you are missed every day by many many people.
________________________________________________________________________________
Hold on to your panties because today’s is a ripper… as in rip off, like I’m stealing your time.
During the long flight back to the Island from the motherland I had time to reassess my priorities, my first priority was to make a list of my priorities.
The problem with flying cattle class is you don’t really have any space to write anything down. If you are, how do I put this gently, FAT, there is even less space. Now combine FAT and TALL and you have even less space. Also I didn’t have a piece of paper to write on.
So I reprioritized my priorities and decided to make a list of them but instead of writing them down I memorized them with the intent to write them down as soon as I remembered. 
Needless to say, I forgot what those priorities were, but, I felt it necessary that you know I at least thought about them and prioritized them.
14 hours stuck in a pressurized sardine can facing the back of a chair can do little wonders for your psyche. Thoughts about Deep Vein Thrombosis or “DVT”, as us jetsetters like to call it, settle in and once you go down that rabbit hole you are in trouble. They give you a reference card with exercises to do while sitting in your chair. I’ve seen a 20kg baby strapped in a car seat in a Mini with more space to move. When reading these reference cards I believe that the artist that drew these pictures had never made used of Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian man and does not understand the general principles of proportions, and, the saying that size does matter. If your mind is not already in the gutter I would help you but I’m trying to keep this clean so………instead I’m reminded of a quote that Paul (not family of Dean Elgar the cricketer) a world renounced ….oops.. renowned engineer used to use when it looked like he was going to lose an argument “Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world” (Archimedes) … He also used this a lot so I had to share it aswell.
“'n grap is 'n grap, maar jy maak nie n sambreel in n man se hol oop nie” loosely translated to
“A joke is a joke, but you do not open an umbrella in a man's ass”
SO YES Size Does Matter……
 I tried to spend some time checking out the airhostess but flying with Qantas limits you to three 50+ year old Sheela’s with sore feet and a diminutive sense of humour. The rest are men that are trying desperately to look like Patrick Swayze in Pricilla Queen of the Desert. It’s a long flight (did I mention this already) but, on the bright side, the island that’s shaped like scoobydoo’s head was calling us, as well as our offspring that we could not give away. Trenticles was eating his way through Marty and Bones’s as well as Nicola’s house, Spiderpig was suffering from vitamin d deficiency and wonder woman was missing her kids. Me… I was missing Peter Stuyvesant Blues and Castle Lager already.
 
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, but a quick visit to customs helps to solve that problem. To be honest it didn’t take a lot of convincing to know I have made the right decision. When I got to the passport control the chap helping me behind the counter looked like he was stuck on a lazyboy, where the seat mechanizim was broken and the backrest cant go back up. After speaking to him for almost 30 seconds it was clear that its not the chair that’s the broken, it’s the entire government and the attitude that goes with it. With the call of Africa fading slowly in my heart, and a tear in my eye it was time to accept that my future is on the Island, and to really make this work I need to look to the future, but never forget my roots, family and friends.
AAANNNNYYYYYWWAAAYYYYY moving along swiftly, like an errant arrow shot into a tropical storm in the middle of the night, we never will know where this story is really going.

To make a change one needs to jump start it with something meaningful and habit breaking, it should shock the system so that you know it’s changed both mentally and physically.
I could lick 9-volt battery, I could eat lots of chillies, I could buy a RENAULT, but we all know that that’s never going to happen.
Instead I have stopped drinking and smoking, for a while. This momentous effort has been made easier with the help of the Australian Government as this letter will elaborate on at some stage. When a person does these ridiculous things, one has instantly more time on one’s hands. Gone are the Braai’s, gone are the socializing with friends, watching sport on TV on a Saturday afternoon. You try talking to strangers without some liquid courage backed up by a quick smoke. This new found time availability conundrum has me writing letters, jogging and parenting. How…… incredibly…… boring…… although I do sneak looks at the latest motorbike websites a lot more now. I think I need to start studying again…… whahahahahahahahahhahahahahah. That’s never going to happen.

 
Anyway I’m into my 3rd week of water and salty cracks, I’m debating that 9-volt battery and chillies, but never the RENALUT. And while I was jogging yesterday, I decided to share this with you. The actual point of this letter…..

Coming up
« Last Edit: October 20, 2019, 07:38:35 am by BOZO »
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Offline big oil

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #257 on: October 18, 2019, 03:32:50 am »
"Instead I have stopped drinking and smoking, for a while. "

Yuda man, bra, you got this
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Offline jaybiker

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #258 on: October 18, 2019, 07:25:29 am »
Jeez, but I'm glad I started reading (relatively) early this morning!  :sip: :lol8:
 

Offline Herklaas

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #259 on: October 18, 2019, 09:25:19 am »
Please keep them that side of the pond! We have very little dangerous spiders here and NO snakes, not even the zoo are allowed snakes.  :o

 :bueller: Jeez what a boring flippen place  :pot:
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