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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #340 on: November 15, 2019, 05:42:23 am »
Its been a Quiet week. I was travelling to Adelaide to do a software install and data migration there.
Adelaide is in South Australia "the state" not in South Australia the island, that’s Victoria, and Tasmania.
Yawn.... So what’s cool about South Australia? well.
"Adelaide has more serial killers per capita than any other city in Australia" according to Dexter....
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-12-15/why-cant-adelaide-bury-murderous-capital-reputation/9249142
And then there is the other little interesting piece of information.
This place that I was working makes metal detectors. They have been making them for a while, and its popular thing here. They range in prices from $200 to $7999. They also make other kak but that’s not as cool as these magafatas..
In their reception they have a model / casting of a gold nugget found by a prospector a few years ago in the Ballarat area.
I’m not talking about some little pebble that makes you smile and move on. I’m talking big like stop and take a second look big.

 

This nugget was 4.1kg. That’s $ 250 000 worth of shiny rock.  CHAAACHING!!!
Since then people have been going out to that area and it keeps delivering.
That little discovery has made some serous money for the company.  $73 mil in 2015 to $ 182 mil in 2019.  CHAAAACHIIINNNGGGGGG!!!!
Gooie donner Immma gonna get me one on those.  ;D


 


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Offline jaybiker

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #341 on: November 15, 2019, 09:32:07 am »
No taal on this thread. We're down under now.

Google translate dan maar soutie  :imaposer: :biggrin: :biggrin:



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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #343 on: November 21, 2019, 10:58:47 pm »
excellent article about a guy that managed to get off the island: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2019/nov/14/a-long-flight-to-freedom-how-refugee-behrouz-boochani-finally-left-his-island-jail-behind
Its a different outlook when the people are desperately trying to get into your country instead of the other way round. 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #344 on: November 22, 2019, 04:22:57 am »
Ok Story time again....

7 days after we moved into our house with a garden it started to rain, I have not received any instructions on how to build an ark or seen any animals gathering 2 by 2 in the driveway so I’m pretty sure that at some stage it will stop. Just to put my mind at ease I turned on the news and the weather lady said Winter has just about arrived.
The sky gets lighter later every day, the local island inhabitants have gradually retreated into their caves and emerge wearing darker and darker clothes. I’ve been told that Melbournians wear black to mourn the passing of the sun for the next 8 months. I think this may be true because I saw Bones and Marty last night and they were dressed in black, black like under the bed. This morning I watched spiderpig place his rechargeable lantern on the window shelf to charge, it was a cold and gloomy morning, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s beating a dead horse. It just goes to show, what I saw was unprepossessing but his sunny disposition can break through even the toughest of moods and he said that the rain will water his sunflower seeds and he will have more time for PlayStation.
Before I get another lecture from Bones, Marty and Wonder Woman that happiness is a choice and I should not be so negative. (need to find a name for the gang bang lectures that I keep getting) I think I’m going to call it. “fukit here we go again” or how about “the aussie inquisition” similar to the “Spanish inquisition” just without the pain and suffering and extensive travel. Or how about “Intervention X”, Interventions are only really for people that want to buy Renault’s so I guess that’s out. Ok Its decided. Imma gonna call it “aussie inquisition”
Before I encounter an “aussie inquisition” from the Trio about “happiness is a choice” I have a disclaimer. In my 41 years of life I have used “The Internet” once or twice to look for more than just porn, and believe it or not I’m not the only one who thinks Renaults suck but I’m also not the only one that thinks that MELBOURNE WEATHER SUCKS.


“Here's a list of things that Melbourne is great at: coffee, hipster cafes, streets that run parallel to each other, supporting the Australian Games Industry.
None of this makes up for the fact that Melbourne's weather is a total garbage fire, deserving of being sent out to sea where it belongs. Preparation means carrying half your wardrobe with you on a regular day. You never know what's going to happen. I think I've seen the sky once. And that was during a heatwave that probably killed people.
Clearly, I'm not the only one frustrated by this fact. Behold: The Melbourne Jacket.




I read somewhere that New Zeeland or nuzilland as the nuzullanders pronounce it is the land of the endless white cloud. Hmmmm clearly whoever came up with that profound statement never went Melbourne. Ok enough endless ranting about the weather, it’s time to embrace it and accept that it will happen at random, like when you are 16 and you have no control your boner that just seems to have a mind of its own and just pops up at the worst of times, like in class when you are sitting next to a hot chick or, cringe, when your mom hugs you!!….
For the South Africans that are thinking of visiting us, you need to know how to pronounce Melbourne. The easiest way to do it, is to join two world famous figures that everyone knows. If you don’t know them then you have been living under a rock and will never survive the swim across the pond. You need to join “Mel” like Mel Gibson, the guy that starred in Mad Max, Lethal Weapon, Braveheart and more recently Rosalind Ross 35 years younger than him. See what a net worth of $450Mil will get you, some good, some not so good, he also has 11 kids, eish everyone has their own demons to deal with… and “Borne” like “the Borne Identity” a brilliant series of books written by Robert Ludlum. Which they then made movies of so that 50% of my friends, that consider a book is something that is square in shape and contains sharp pieces of hard toilet paper, can also enjoy this fast-paced action thriller. As you would know (because you have seen the movie) Jason Bourne lost his memory, his struggle to remember his name as well as who he is the underlying story. This really falls waaaaaaayyyyyyyy short how cool he really is. He wakes up on a boat riddled with bullet holes, and then begins discovering  that he has crazy Ninja Skills that would make Steven Segal shit his pants, if that not enough to blow your socks off he then starts finding out that he knows like 20 languages, has 20 passports and seems to have endless hiding places filled with hordes of cash. A true understated modern-day hero!!! When I woke up this morning I pulled a calf muscle doing a half handstand trying to piss in the toilet without making a mess. I’ll take a bullet wound for that kak any-day, think how cool I would be playing darts or pool with my Chinas, using my Ninja skills to whip some ass and then some foreigner says, “excus-im-wa sin-oir, muchos grandos ze beers are onze ze ouse!!”
Leaning back nonchalantly against the dartboard, placing yet another x next to double bull I say. “Ja sweet, shot my china”, I bounce my eyebrows in my best Magnum P.I. impression and triple bounce a R2 coin into a waiting shot glass across the room. Thank-you, thank you very much.
Well we can all dream about having an eight pack and bullet wounds, but I can have a 6 pack any day of the week, and, if I pay my electricity bill it can be cold right out the fridge!!!
Oh so, So back to the correct pronunciation of Melbourne. “Mel” as in Mel Gibson and “Bourne” as in the Bourne Identity not Burn like burning man.
Say it with me.
“Mel” “Bourne”
Easy ne’ :thumleft:
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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #345 on: November 22, 2019, 08:11:30 am »


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Offline IanTheTooth

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #346 on: November 22, 2019, 10:41:01 am »
Like, duh, heard of Queensland?

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #347 on: November 22, 2019, 10:42:46 am »
 Queensland?

Is Queensland at times unbearably hot or is the temps mild in summer?
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Offline IanTheTooth

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #348 on: November 22, 2019, 03:10:35 pm »
I'm at 20 degrees South in Proseprine. In Winter warm days and single figures overnight. Now it is clear and around 30 in the day and low twenties overnight. We are running the aircon in the bedroom overnight but it is not humid. Shortly it will rain and when it clears it will be so ducking hot that no one at work will walk the 200m from work to Woollies without a good excuse. It will be like that until March and then winter begins. I hope next year the trade winds will also die off in April.

The picture. We are behind the great barrier reef and the Whitsundays islands. Don't bring your surf board it always looks like this. Ideal for boating.
« Last Edit: November 22, 2019, 03:15:54 pm by IanTheTooth »
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Offline Ri

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #349 on: December 05, 2019, 06:44:54 am »
That facial expression :biggrin:

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Offline IanTheTooth

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #350 on: December 05, 2019, 07:47:02 am »
One of the three South African shops on the Sunshine Coast. Their locally produced biltong (you can't bring in prepared meat products) was really good and not too much of a King's ransom gave us a bag that lasted until Hervey Bay.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2019, 07:47:50 am by IanTheTooth »
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Offline windswept

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #351 on: December 05, 2019, 08:54:26 am »
Just as a matter of interest the tinned pilchards that we get are produced in RSA but the fish is imported. :thumleft:
 

Offline tulips

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #352 on: December 05, 2019, 11:46:42 am »
Nice shop
 I see a bunch of portable hippos and nunnus, given that the aussies are so strict on imports those must have baked fumigated certificated etc ?
I recall helping my mate scrub bicycle tyres, de-wax surfboards etc to go in his container, as fumigation fee? can be costly
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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #353 on: December 05, 2019, 10:01:37 pm »
That facial expression :biggrin:



LOL thats Awesome!!!
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #354 on: December 05, 2019, 10:10:41 pm »
Nice shop
 I see a bunch of portable hippos and nunnus, given that the aussies are so strict on imports those must have baked fumigated certificated etc ?
I recall helping my mate scrub bicycle tyres, de-wax surfboards etc to go in his container, as fumigation fee? can be costly

The Cleaning fee can be pricey. But its a bit of a lucky pot. I have heard of people that unbeknownst to them have had their fridge delivered to them with the contents still inside. Vrot
When we landed on the island they went though our container with a fine tooth comb.
They spotted our Braai and said it needed to be professionally cleaned. If i remember correctly it was supposed to be in the range $500 odd. :o
We pushed back and said that it was already cleaned and they can go and fly a kite. We got lucky and they agreed. ;)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #355 on: December 05, 2019, 11:24:06 pm »
So I have been away for a While but now I'm back briefly  O0

This was written mid 2017....

We are well into winter on the island and here it doesn’t come gently like it does on the mainland. There (the mainland) the African weather progresses like a queue in any government department, where the squares on the linoleum floor that have been haphazardly placed down over 40 years ago still serve as a distraction to pass the time as you try to figure out the logic to the pattern with the off coloured tiles.
The gentle breeze that brings in the chilled air slowly drops the temperature over the period of 3 weeks, pushing you unconsciously to dig into the back of the cupboard to find your winter woollies and remind yourself to buy that extra gas bottle this winter so you have it when there is a 3 day cold snap and none of the garages have gas bottles.
Here it’s a little different, in “Mel-Bourne” on the Sothern tip of the island the seasons change like a woman’s mood with PMS or a handprint mark on your back after a running-fuck-slap (personally I’ll take a RFS before a PMS Woman). One minute you are out in the garden sucking back on a stubbie, munching on a snagg, and the next thing its pissing down with rain, the the day becomes an hour shorter and the temperature plummets for the next five months to between 8 and 13 degrees. (at least with a RFS the pain subsides and your ribs heal)
Winter does bring winter sports however, and in Victoria, they don’t know what rugby is but they do love their footy.
I did try to explain footy and its rules a little in an earlier letter but now that Trenticles is playing it I have developed a broader understanding of the sport.
While it’s still a coconut kicking contest where the locals basically run around in laat-my-sterk-lyk-hempies and tight shorts. Its more than that, it’s an all-inclusive sport.
Firstly, the field is roundish, not because they are using a cricket pitch, or it made sense to use a rugby field, or a soccer field or hockey field or an athletics field. Its round because when they were measuring the size of the field there was only one person to do it. That said person decided to peg the one end of the string in the ground and just walk in a big ass circle.
Each side has 18 players, this is not because the field is so big, it’s because the island is an all-inclusive-group-hug kind of place and we would want to hurt someone’s feelings by making them a reserve and have them sit on the bench.
In every game, (no matter what kind of game, rugby, hocky etc..) you need a referee and in footy this is not different.
Well, actually, it is a little different. Being an all-inclusive-group-hug kind of place one referee is not enough, there is the main referee and then there are / can be an additional four, yes pappie that’s an additional 4 referees running around on the field assisting the main referee to blow the whistle, which they blow everytime someone catches a ball that someone else kicked.
It sounds a bit like a toi-toi outside a taxi rank sometimes. The referee positions are skilled positions and you need to go through years of training to become an official and get your green jersey. For example, after the ball has traversed the centre poles, there are four poles on each end, the man in the lab coat violently waves two white flags like is trying to surrender to the other man on the other side who is playing mirror mirror, the ball is given to the main Referee who takes it to the centre of the field and bounces it into the air so that the game can begin again.
Before he bounces it again however the other four referees have to stand on the corners of the square that is inside the field of play.
This is an interesting point as just last week on the news… that’s national news…. The Referees don’t want to bounce the ball anymore, because it puts too much strain on their bodies………yes. Stop… go back, read that again……. No lies. They have appointed a panel of doctors to investigate this and I’m sure the findings will be expensive. Flippen softes. Ag-ja-no-well… AANNNYYYYYYWWAAAYYYYYYYYY
Being a parent of the club, we are expected to join in on this group-hug of sports. To facilitate this they have positions that we need to fulfil on game days.
My First position that I successfully completed was “umpire escort” this is a particularly complicated position I realized when I received my bib indicating my position and my laminated instructions card. It was my job to escort the referees (the ones in the middle) to the middle of the field at the start of the game, I was to provide protection in between quarters on the field and escort them off and on the field at half time and at the end of the game.
Had I known how dangerous this game was for the referees I would have borrowed Trenticles gum guard during the breaks in the game. Every team has an equal and opposite official, by the way.
My next position that I was moved to was, “Waterboy”, here I get to run on the field and give water to the kids that look thirsty. I donned my bib with my designated official position and read my rule card. I also had one or two of the dads instruct me how to perform this job. Let’s just take a step back here…… there are 18 kids in each team on the field, they kick the ball to each other, there is no off-sides and each quarter is only 20 minutes. Apparently the kids are thirsty a lot and they need water all the time, also its frowned upon to say they need to run more before they get water….Really?????? …….WHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHAHAHA.. I was fired after the first half. Some 13 year old took over and probably did most of the running. Don’t forget that each team has the equal and opposite position.
My next position was goal umpire, that’s the dude that dons a white lab coat and stands at the end of the field by the 4 posts and has the job of watching the ball traverse through the middle two posts and point two finger guns at the referee (the main one) like a Rambo in Rambo or when it goes through the side posts one finger gun like John Wane in a western movie. Added to this complicated position of trying to look like Rambo or John Wane you also get to practice your Drum Majorettes flag waving skills and wave to the other guy on the other side of the field. (which means you have to watch what’s happening on that side of the field as well and that’s hard if you forgot your glasses.)
Other Positions that I have not been given a bib for yet, as they are apparently specialized, are:
•   Runner, where you get to give messages to the players from the coach.
•   Assistant Coach where you get to eat the oranges at half time and nod and hold your chin when the coach is talking, you also get to carry the white board to the change rooms and place the magnetic stickers on the board.
•   Team Manager, who gets to wash the kit, organize the rule cards, send the emails etc.
•   Boundary Umpire where you are given a whistle and can throw the ball in backwards that’s so you cant cheat…
•   Time keeper because the referee is too busy blowing his whistle to watch the stop watch.
•   Parent Voting, where you get to choose 3 or 4 awards for your team and the opposing team.

I’m sure there are more but its early days. Ok…..so lets do the numbers quickly.
36 players
5 Referees
2 Boundary Umpires
2 Umpire escorts
2 Goalpost umpires
2 water persons
2 Assistant Coaches
2 Team managers
2 Time keepers
2 Voting people
That’s 57 people for a game of kick the coconut. Anybody for a group hug?

Tangentially moving onto other matters more or less important than the coconut throwing madmen on the island and their antics, I/ we have been through a year of new experiences, ups and downs and tears and smiles.
Some experiences happen quickly and are fun like seeing proper snow for the first time, some happen slowly and are painful like converting to Rands when buying beer (R500/Case) or Biltong (R700/kg) or Wine (R100 for Tassies equivalent) or Smokes (R360 box)...
You know the little luxuries in life.
I'm pretty sure that the last time I drank this little I was in matric. On the glass is half full side of the mirror, I only need 6 beers to have a hangover now.
Where was I, oh yes.
When I arrived just over a year ago I was given a desk, a chair, a laptop, and cell-phone, and for the last year I have looked out the window at the road that goes past Monash University and waited for some sort of excitement, every now and again I get released from my cubicle and I am allowed to see a client.
We chit chat about the weather and the news highlights of the day, and sometimes, on a good day, the traffic is light, and it only takes 45 minutes to travel 20km.
But it’s always back to the Cubicle, my chair, and the Monash University road.
Just Recently however my life improved tenfold.
On any normal stock standard day my ass would be positioned on this device that resembles a chair, but after 8 hours of "sitting" this chair was more of a medieval torture device, my somewhat flabby gluteus maximus and gluteus minimus, have slowly, over the course of each day, being under constant pressure from my potjie pot smuggling shaped belly changed shape from being bumpy like a golf ball to square like my first date.
This unnatural shape for my ass cheeks makes for an interesting shooting pain up through my spinal column.
Watch an old movie of Frankenstein, when the monster starts walking, that’s what I look like when walking to my car.
Being classified as a second-class citizen you don’t just ask for a more comfortable seating device, you wait for the opportunity to acquire one.
Fast forward a year later, after I finally mastered the fine art sitting on a toilet seat with a square ass, and not sliding off. I was gifted with the opportunity of acquiring a new chair...... wow. 
The joy that I feel is so great that I am brought to a tear just thinking about my new chair….
Now, on Quiet days (Monday through Friday) when I watch real world through my window my thoughts are filled with motorbikes, new running routes and winning the lotto, not the long term effects of spinal curvature on an overweight 41 year old narcissist with a privileged white boy complex…. Life is good.  Here is a picture of the new device that keeps my ass and my mind in a happy place.  ;D
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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #356 on: December 06, 2019, 06:05:30 am »
Thanks mate  :imaposer:
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Offline Ri

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #357 on: December 06, 2019, 07:05:23 am »

What he said  :laughing4: :imaposer: :imaposer:
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #358 on: December 06, 2019, 08:46:33 am »
Bozo, I love the way you f-upped all the footy jobs! That's how one get s away with it >:D >:D
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