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Author Topic: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga  (Read 16108 times)

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #380 on: January 06, 2020, 11:30:34 pm »
Happy new year to you all. Thanks for the good wishes and I return the same to you and your families wherever you and they may be.

The fires have been hectic on the island this year. I think mainly because it was such a dry winter in Victoria and NSW, I'm not a meteorologist so I could be wrong. 
I think what people (worldwide and here on the island) don't understand is the areas that these fires are burning in. The Alpine national Forest is 1.6 million acres of forest.
Largely inaccessible forest. one does not simply drive ones landcruser through these places. So with out rain its hard to stop them.
We in Melbourne are safe as there is lots of concrete between us and the bush. There has however been a pall of smoke over us since Monday and will probably last until the weekend.
Pray for those poor souls that have lost everything.
Pray harder for those animals that have suffered what can only be a horrendous end.
Pray for rain.

 :'(


:'(
:'(




One thing that I must say surprised me about the Aussies is their support for the communities when something like this happens.
Yesterday on the radio on the way into work they were asking people to stop sending in care packages to one of the centers. They had something like 600 pallets of donated goods to send to the communities in need.




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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #381 on: January 07, 2020, 02:41:31 am »
Herro here is the next part of our saga.  O0

WHAT SUUUUUUP MENSE!!!!! What’s happening on your sides of the oceans?
We are just approaching the end of winter and in about 3 months’ time the sun “should” come out for about 5 minutes, we are ready for that yellow ball!
The sun cream is placed on the entrance hall table so that we can apply it to my see-through family, we even have our Gazebo close at hand so that if we make it to the beach, Wonder Woman and Trenticles can suntan in the shade.
We are not too concerned with spiderpig as he only comes out of the games room to deposit a load of “devils doughnuts“ and consume large quantities of 2-minute noodles.
I’m sure that lots (probably only 2 or 3) of people are keen to know what’s happened to the cookie thief and other such happenings.
Before we get to that I invite you to cast your mind back to when we were much younger and you had to have the dreaded railroad tracks attached to your teeth.
Those monstrosities that made you look like you’d lost a fight with barbed-wire fence. Braces were mostly for people whose teeth were so bad they could eat an apple through a tennis racket.
I heard that this was caused from sucking your thumb until you were twelve or having a mother that smoked ciggies during your path down the birth canal.
Now days in the past 10 years or so it’s become a fashion item, and here the Aussies that have metal in their mouths are generally the wealthy snobs that can travel to Bali to have them put on there.
If you can afford to have them fitted here, on the island, you mingle with the crowd that drinks skinny tall blacks, flat whites and know what an Affogato is, also you don’t mind spending $5 on tepid coffee.
I don’t fit into that category, I fit into the category of, when I see the price I want to vomit and I say “is jy fokken mal???”
But, and there is always a ”but” isn’t there?
We were not aware of this before we landed on the Island. Six Months before our departure we had Spiderpig’s choppers welded with shiny new tracks.
We happily landed here with our Souf-Effricen accents, suntans and flip-flops and just carried on regardless. Shortly after the regardless part however, we needed to get spiderpig an appointment with an Orthodontist.
Unlike marrage these days, once you start with braces, you can’t just call it quits and have a party. While I was grafting at work Wonder Woman found a chap called Dr Snow, as in Snow White, only his surname is not White its Snow and his first name is Andy not Snow so its Andy Snow not Snow White got it?….
Month after Month on a saterday morning I took Spiderpig to Dr Snow as he slowly fixed Spiderpig’s munchers. Every time we went to "Dr" Snow I told Spiderpig to take as much free shit as possible, tooth brushes, tooth paste, elastics, you name it pappie.
I was even tempted to take his national geographics from the waiting room but Spiderpig has a honest face and it looked like he would tell on me.
Eventually the tracks were removed and Dr "Snow" gave Spiderpig a retainer that he needs to wear every night for the next 18 months.
It’s a long story with no real point but if I told you the point first you could just skip to the end and that’s pathetic.
Anyyyyyyyywayyyyyyyy this story actually has two endings both unrelated but interesting nonetheless.
Spiderpig’s face cost us almost the same as the BMW GSA that I sold before we left the mother country. Which means that when that little shit plays PlayStation and smiles, I feel some (maby one) emotional joy that straight teeth are the number one reason PlayStation geeks get laid…..
Playing PlayStation is obviously a physically challenging activity for kids, just this school holiday I have seen spiderpig devour 4 packets of noodles in one sitting, but the best part is the late-night snacking.
I don’t have to wait up to catch one of the two human eating machines that live in my house, I normally just see the remains of empty packets and crumbs strewn across the expanse of the kitchen counter.
Because of this it’s difficult to single-out which one of these thieving hell-swine’s is performing these midnight raids on our stash. I was 90% sure that it was the eldest oxygen thief.
Interrogating them under a bright spot light or waterboarding them only ends up with denials and endless finger pointing.
Lucky I have picked up a few tips at the office in becoming a super sleuth and sometimes, just sometimes, the world turns in my favour and I am delivered a little gift from the gods.
One Morning I was making coffee for wonder woman and myself, (just standard instant coffee, army issue, none of that fancy frappe, ristetto kak) and low and behold, right there in the cupboard, next to the biscuit tin (empty), is Spiderpig’s retainer (HA HA got you, you blicksem!!!)…
Needless to say, I waited for the perfect moment that night to launch into my best “Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury” diatribe. It was a “touch and go” argument for a while until I closed the case with my presentation of the evidence.
Like Cinderella and her glass slipper, this retainer was a perfect fit!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHA HET JOU KATVIS!!!!!! I’m Loving it!!! Patience is my new weapon to teenage resistance.
Well that what I thought, apparently sometimes patience doesn’t always work.
In the office, every now and again we get surprised with a random two week enforced sugar free diet, it’s a radical new type of diet, and it’s pretty simple, this is how it works.
The lazy fucking admin person just doesn’t buy sugar, because he is waiting for the order to be big enough so he doesn’t have to pay delivery fees, this Admin person drives a BMW X5 so obviously I can understand why it’s important to save on the $2 delivery fee on the company credit card…..
This random sugar diet has had yin-yang effect on my quest to catch the cookie smuggler. I had a feeling that this person was going to be cantankerous in their efforts to the placement of their cookies in their sneaky hidey-holes.
I had a feeling that he was onto my masterful efforts to track him down and catch him red handed. To prepare for this battle of the minds (mine being the weaker) I embarked on an upskilling exercise and continued to watch episodes of Murder She Wrote and Magnum P.I.
I even watched MacGyver in case I ever needed to repair a RENAULT with a toothpick and staple gun. (generally its eaiser to just push it into the horbour)
I was making great lengths forward and was at the precipice of nabbing this cunning crook, when the random sugar free diet hit us, this was a particularly bad one as the diet lasted for 3 weeks instead of the normal 2 weeks.
As this person (the cookie thief) seems to drink sugar in their coffee (instant) they took a reprieve from chowing down on hidden treats for the same amount of time.
My mission was on hold. My main reason for driving through the grey clouds in the morning and being first in the office was fading fast, what was I to do?????
And then the fasting ended. A bright light of happiness shone through the cloud of despair that had descended on my parade.
We had Sugar, BOOM BABY!! Game on, for 5 more days I inspected the hidey-holes, nothing, nada, zero, zilch. Alas my quest had come to an abrupt end.
I can only assume that my thief had succumbed to the food gurus. Possibly Tim Noakes’s eat only heart stopping fat and enjoy life diet.
I think my cookie muncher has become a vegan, wad de fok!, now all I see in the morning is some disgusting concoction in cup.
It’s so bad that I can’t describe it so I took a picture..
This is the cup…
 
This is the kak in the cup…yuk!

Needless to say, I think it’s a phase, nobody can actually drink that and be happy, if someone in office has a mental breakdown or tries to kill themselves with a plastic spoon or a chopstick I’m willing to bet $20 that that’s my cookie smuggler.
When they snap out of their master chef delirium and start tucking into the tastyies again its gonna be overs kadovers for them. Now all I have to do find out who owns this mickey mouse monster mug.
Does this bring this gripping case to a close? Hell no! Not by long shot, but, when it does it will make my discovery even sweeter. 
On other interesting news Trenticles got some vacation work and has been grafting, digging holes, filling cracks in walls etc. He gets home tired and has worked through the stage where he is ready to eat his left foot.
It has saved us a fortune in holiday hunger pangs and has extended his and Spiderpig’s life span by at least 6 weeks. He was paid $100 a day…… F@#$$@ ME that’s good money. 8 days of work and he puts R8000.00 in his back pocket….
This money was so hot it burnt a hole straight through pocket. But hey easy come easy go. Before he spent it he was desperate for me to take a photo of him.
One to be able to look at his money that he earned and one to show to his mates in SA I’m sure. 
As you can see in the picture, he thinks he is a “gangsta my bra”. Splashing the cash all over the place. Just like all “gangsta’s” the early onset of Parkinson’s is starting to show with his head stuck in perpetual motion rocking back and forth between the hours of one and eleven.
The very next day, he was up and out of the house as soon as the shops opened, a wallet full of cash, and places to go, he hot footed it like a lonely sheep in stuck in a paddock in Perth on a Friday night.
Of all the places to go he went to the apple store and came back with an iphone. Of all the things to buy, a phone, and its an apple, before we know it he will arrive at home in a Landover and I will have to strike him from my will.
It’s a shame really, I used to like that kid.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Ri

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #382 on: January 07, 2020, 07:52:22 am »
iPhone? The boy has taste :imaposer:

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