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Author Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga  (Read 39692 times)

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Offline Ri

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #460 on: March 04, 2020, 07:23:18 am »
 :thumleft: Good looking bosses  :lol8:
 
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #461 on: March 04, 2020, 08:36:32 am »
:thumleft: Good looking bosses  :lol8:

Was going to say the same... At least you don't look like your avatar... :peepwall:

Looks like a happy family.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2020, 08:39:30 am by BigEd »
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Offline big oil

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #462 on: March 05, 2020, 03:27:23 am »
I just knew you were a fabulous display of  hawwwwwwwwtness, some guys have all the luck!!!

Beautiful fam bro  :thumleft:
Prepare yourself for four more years 😎
 

Offline Sam

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #463 on: March 05, 2020, 09:46:48 am »
Good source of pride that you have there!
 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #464 on: March 06, 2020, 09:12:32 pm »
Thanks very much all. I do love them to bits.
Obviously there was a fair amount of photoshop done on my ugly mug in order not to break the internet.
For some reason after I hit 40 my eyeballs got lazy. I now have to wear near-far-near lookers.
When I take them off for photos etc I tend to have the look of someone that is in the middle of a prostrate exam desperately concentrating on not getting a woody.


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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #465 on: March 07, 2020, 05:41:13 am »


Was going to say the same... At least you don't look like your avatar... :peepwall:

Looks like a happy family.

Whats wrong with my avatar?  :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #466 on: March 07, 2020, 05:42:32 am »
I just knew you were a fabulous display of  hawwwwwwwwtness, some guys have all the luck!!!

Beautiful fam bro  :thumleft:

Thanks living proof that one wrong an a right can make a right!! :biggrin:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #467 on: March 07, 2020, 05:45:15 am »
« Last Edit: March 09, 2020, 10:49:53 pm by BOZO »
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline IanTheTooth

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #468 on: March 07, 2020, 10:11:20 am »
Funny old thing. We hadn't bought paper for a while and were on our last roll when this happened. There isn't a bog roll in the whole of the Whitsundays for sale and we are now rationing the last one out. Joke is that the paper is made locally and the factory is on extra shifts. A clever bit of marketing by someone.
The dog that caught the car. What now?
 
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Offline Boersoeknbike

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #469 on: March 07, 2020, 12:30:54 pm »
Bozo. I must say if you ever do a more formal thing of your writing please sign me up. For a boertjie with soutie inlaws i relate and enjoy your style very much. Wiping tears from laughter. Close friend of mine just moved to Aus and the way they did it and the excuses was just rightdown irritating. I enjoy your spin and needed it! Nice to read your therapeutic ramblings boet!! strongs!
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Offline immigrant

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #470 on: March 07, 2020, 11:04:10 pm »
Funny old thing. We hadn't bought paper for a while and were on our last roll when this happened. There isn't a bog roll in the whole of the Whitsundays for sale and we are now rationing the last one out. Joke is that the paper is made locally and the factory is on extra shifts. A clever bit of marketing by someone.
Well, you got to give the Aussies some credit. When the world goes to shit, buy toilet paper
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Offline Ri

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #471 on: March 09, 2020, 10:50:12 am »
Funny old thing. We hadn't bought paper for a while and were on our last roll when this happened. There isn't a bog roll in the whole of the Whitsundays for sale and we are now rationing the last one out. Joke is that the paper is made locally and the factory is on extra shifts. A clever bit of marketing by someone.

Isn't there a factory outlet nearby? :imaposer:
 

Offline Welsh

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #472 on: March 09, 2020, 11:03:15 am »
I saw a news story, some woman ordered 48 rolls on line for home delivery, she wanted a box of 48, she got 48 boxes, 2304 toilet rolls...  :lol8: :lol8: 
When is this "Old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?
 

Offline Fudmucker

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #473 on: March 09, 2020, 04:43:34 pm »
I saw a news story, some woman ordered 48 rolls on line for home delivery, she wanted a box of 48, she got 48 boxes, 2304 toilet rolls...  :lol8: :lol8:

In light of the shortage, she can sell at a tidy profit...
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Offline Willem-Ben

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #474 on: March 09, 2020, 05:52:20 pm »
Jip the profit is going toward a school trip to Sydney later the year.
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #475 on: March 10, 2020, 07:10:51 am »
This one is out of Sync with the rest but I thought you may enjoy it as its current news.
February is supposed to be a month with an average temperature that ranges between hot and fuck its hot. Well you guessed it, somehow when 2020 happened, global warming became more evident, thanks to Greta von Blosssom-Bottom who won a noble prize for being a standard rich entitled teenage girl, and, now it’s cold all the time. (this information was accurate a time of writing)
It would also seem that the bottom part of the island has drifted even closer to Antarctica. As it so happened I was driving home to the LoveShack yesterday in the rain and 18 deg weather on my new one hour commute listening to the wireless, when the news reader announced that in Victoria all “Old convictions for minor crimes to be wiped from the records”.
Hang ten! What? What? Old convictions for minor crimes to be wiped from the records!!!!!
Holey Toledo!!!! Stop the Bus!! If we look back in history, the only way you could get on this island was to have a criminal record and now they want to change that!!!!!
People are used to walking around calling each other “prisoner” and other interesting name’s that I won’t mention.
It’s part of the heritage of this scobydoo’s head shaped piece of land.
I mean what are the far-flung repercussions of this wild and altruistic move by the federal government?
Does that mean that there will be a new market for tattoo removal? You know the one’s I’m talking about, the heart outline with an arrow through it and mom in the middle!
Does that mean that the visa process to gain entry will be easier?
Will you no longer need a criminal record to get in?
I just have so many unanswered questions.
One of the most important question that I have is: Will I be forgiven for my sins that I have committed in the past. Things like “Flies eyes “, or the more subtle “flight of the plucked dove” that involves an innocent bystander participating in the event and coo’ing like a dove, or possibly the bigger elephant in the room, multiple “Leuw Loop” acts at weddings, bars and other such locations/opportunities.
Don’t get me wrong is not like it’s not likely to stop, I just want to know if I can use my apology list like an when earth worm eats and shits at the same time, in one end out the other……….
AANNYYYYYYHOOOOOOO I won’t hold my breath for a clear record.
And now on to more important matters.
****Flash News****
Corona Virus. Not to be mistaken with the beer that you add a lime slice to.. (who actually does that)
It like the flu but it’s not, and it must have been a slow news day when patient zero clocked into hospital complaining of a snotty nose. When grilled under questionable circumstances in a dark warehouse with bright lights, a wooden chair and a car battery, he finally fessed up to eating a concoction of bat’l'orange with a side of cat’s paws marinaded in rat guts. A considerable amount of time was used extracting the tasty recipe from this character of dubious origins and eventually the doctors issued some disprin to this fellow and set him free, back into the wilderness to spread his unseen contagion.
“Nelly the news hound”, who is always looking for the next big story, followed, “Barry the Bat Eater” home in the chance that he would lead her to the secret bat cave. (*names have been changed to protect the innocent, unless they haven’t who knows) 
Her intentions were to:
1.   Find batman (the Asian one)
2.   Buy the cave.
3.   Setup a food truck
4.   Sell delicious bat bits with guano soup (almost as tasty as miso soup)
5.   Make millions. (like the American batman) (#NotBruceWane)
6.   Write an article about the “Billy the bat boy” and his flu.
7.   Become the first Chinese winner of the Pulitzer prize for newsworthy sleuthing. (no research was conducted on this wild statement)

The result was:
1.   Worldwide panic over the common cold.
2.   Pending financial ruin for most medium sized countries.
3.   Extended holidays for cruise ship passengers.
4.   A shortage of toilet paper on the Island.
5.   Two weeks self-administered isolation
6.   Kids licking light poles and shopping trolley handles

These are all salient outcomes but point four is the most important.
Not one to overshare but still wanting to give context I have decided that it’s better that you know rather than not. The white throne beckons my behind on a regular basis, at least four times every day (morning coffee, arriving at work, getting home and just after dinner). This, of course, is possibly healthy or not, but I can tell you that being an earthworm is not great when there is no lavatory around and you are turtle heading a hearty breakfast..
With this escalating crisis there is no shortage of dumping grounds but there is a big problem when you are done and all there’s almost nothing left on the roll to clean your poop muscle.
Sitting there as tumble weeds drift past the door to the dunny, a dingo trots passed, in the distance, coincidently, the haunting tune of the final countdown (sung by Europe) plays and you know that you only have 10 precious squares left, you realize that there is a problem afoot. After those 10 white squares disappear, it’s time to use tissues, then colton roller towel and then when that’s all gone, well, I suppose I will be showering 4 times a day with a clear distinction between the face cloth and the other one…… if I get that wrong Wonder Woman may not be happy. Sort of gives a new meaning to skid marks.
Trenticles even sent a whatsapp today saying he had found some single ply, I nearly cried with joy, it only has to last for another week and then I’m off to New Zilland with a large suitcase where I will be purchasing as much as I can fit in. No Jokes.!!!  This calamity is making headline news. For instance: One family accidental bought 2300 rolls of toilet paper, enough to last them 12 years. (lucky them) except maybe for the $3264 additional charge to their shopping bill.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-03-06/queensland-toilet-paper-accidental-purchase/12031070

Image 1
 
They could make a lot of money right now on ebay with some people spending $8 a roll……I know you don’t want to do the math so I will do it for you.
2300 X 8 = $18,400 – 3,264 = $ 15,136 clean profit (and bung holes)

 Image 2

My personal favourite at the moment is this one.  Slightly tarnished but it is refurbished. At $0.99 I may be buying this or crapping at maccas during the crisis.

 Image 3

To finnish off: When life gives you lemons make lemon juice.
When life gives you a shortage of toilet paper, swipe, fold, swipe, fold swipe and prey that you don’t need to swipe again!!!!

ZOY
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Offline frankmac

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #476 on: March 10, 2020, 12:52:09 pm »
I had to marvel at the civility displayed between the bog roll protagonists recently. No eye gouging, garotting or disembowelment.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzm1XSnT-oI]

I do enjoy your thread so please keep it up.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2020, 12:54:08 pm by frankmac »
 

Offline ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #477 on: March 10, 2020, 01:57:02 pm »
and you are turtle heading a hearty breakfast..

 :laughing4: :lol8:

Bozo jy is letterlik vol kak!! :deal: ;) :lol8:
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #478 on: March 10, 2020, 02:43:27 pm »
Seems appropriate here  :biggrin:
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Offline RrP

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #479 on: March 10, 2020, 08:33:26 pm »
Had to swipe and fold many tears this episode keep it coming!!!

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