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Author Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga  (Read 51700 times)

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #580 on: May 03, 2020, 12:51:16 am »
Ha ha . This man makes me laugh.

“There’s plenty of evidence that wasps are not of this earth. Unlike any other animal, with the possible exception of the owl and the Australian, they serve no purpose. They’re not in the food chain, they can’t make honey and they’re not fluffy. Nature has a habit of extinguishing its more useless experiments. The dinosaur went west when it grew too big and the dodo when it mislaid its wings”

Excerpt from
And Another Thing
Clarkson, Jeremy


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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #581 on: May 04, 2020, 06:57:04 am »
Todays post is different..
today T'm looking for someone to solve a problem that I cant seem to fix.
In the hope of hopes maby one of youse can like to see the problem :)

I'm trying to connect w1ndchill with integrity requirements and validation through OSLC so that i can manage traces to a part.
Problem is the OSLC server uses npm which i dont know and its chucking a error. which ironically is forbidden..... I know right!!
anyhooooo
please have a look and give me your best suggestion.
If i solve it i'll be sure to let you all know.

OKKAY,

No need to stress people. So i solved the problem.

It seems that although I was working on what I thought was an OSLC problem it was in-fact a problem that stemmed from a different server earlier up the stream of 1's and 0's.

This is commonly known as a PICNIC problem.....
(Problem In Chair Not In Computer)

Thanks for the support, even though it was not obvious in these here pages, I knew that you spent the weekend mulling over my issues.  ;)
Onto bigger and brighter things.



"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #582 on: May 07, 2020, 05:58:39 am »
How to change a tire.
Separating the mechanics from the IT dude

It’s only the beginning of 2019 and I already feel like I need more leave… After what was a whirlwind Christmas and New Year with, Three, yes you read that correctly, Three Ladies over the age of 40 fuelled by boatloads of bottled grapes of the red and white variety I’m feeling a touch tender.
You would not believe the amount of talking that happens at once. Men are from mars and woman are from fuck knows where. At one point I was sitting quietly in one corner of the garden trying to follow the three of them having four conversations at once.
Needless to say, I got lost, but they seemed to know exactly who was being spoken to, which conversation it was about, the timing of the nodding, laughing and they even had time to swallow the last quarter of their glass and look around for an abled body to refill their chalice of happiness before ending a topic and starting a new one…..
Me I just drank beer and cooked food. I was happy. It was hot, there was cold beer, and there was a weber with steak. (wash, rinse and repeat these 14 times to understand my vacation)
At the beginning of these 14 days, I decided that my scoot-toot needed new takkies.
I have always wanted to put on big knobblies, as in my mind, big knobs make for a better riding experience…. (man I’m a funny guy)
After the tires were delivered to the post office I called around to see if any of the bike shops would fit them for me.
Unfortunately the island is not overly populated with keen workers and if they are keen then you need to hoes pappie, most of the conversations that I had went a little like this.
“hello (place shop name here) “ or “(place shop name here)”
In my bestest friendliest non-strong-face voice, and using the African method of “double down on the please” for maximum results, I said
“Hi, I’m wondering if you can help me please, I need 2 tyres fitted to my bike please? When can you help me please?” I threw an extra please in there hoping for discount.
“Aaaaahhhh mate let me just check” (rustling of paper, obviously not looking at a booking sheet, just trying to make it sound like that) “Strewth! Ahhgh, we are full up at the moment mate first opening is 3 Jan”
“Oh! Ok and how much would that cost”
“If you bring the bike in its $60 a tire and if you only bring the wheels in is $50 a wheel”
(GASPS)
“oh! ok thanks I’ll get back to you.”
I’m no mathematician but I can add $60 and $60 and the result is hard to swallow, let me explain.

One time not too long ago, on a hot summer’s night, I was locked in an epic battle of darts. The name of the game was killer. We were in the closing stages said game.
My opponent, not to be named and shamed, let’s call him Ry Chan, who is a large slab of meat that drives a lady car and can, amazingly, burp like a hippo having sex, had the physical advantage over me.
He has hands the size of baseball mittens attached to arms that are so long they can deliver a proes straat pretoria klap to the driver of a mini bus from the back seat.
He is no athlete, but his sense of balance has been perfected since birth as he has had to balance on 2m long semi-articulating pins that end on size 13 fire stompers. 
My only advantage was that I had read more books than him, I know what “right click on your desktop” means and, when holding a dart in my hand, it looks normal.
There we were lined up:
toe to big foot.
Eye to Tit.
t was to be my greatest achievement (of that night, obviously I have had a lot more than just that one win).
The crowd hushed, the music was playing “I’m a looser baby” I was in the zone. After two dexterous flicks of the wrist a schhwaff  through the air a thud on the board and the game was over.
I had thrown two trip twenty’s… That’s sixty and sixty which makes one-hundred-and-twenty…. It was all I needed, I was victorious.
In my mind I looked like Rocky shouting AADDRRRRIIAAANNNNNEE!!!! In reality I recon I looked like I had stepped on a hot coal barefoot and was trying to catch the ceiling fan blades at the same time.
I turned elated, to bask in the glow of my victory!!! Unfortunately my “humbled” opponent and the supporting crowds were not applauding the sight before them, no, no, no, no, I was standing alone in the circle of light as they were already at the bar pouring potency…..
aannnyyyyhooooo that’s how I know 60 and 60 make 120 and that’s why that number is hard to swallow as it reminds me of potency.

Moving along swiftly, as one does, I  thought that $120 to change tires seemed a little steep.
When I say steep I’m not talking about the gentle slope of the Kingsmead cricket ground where the turf slopes gently to the duck pond end.
I talking about spitting off the bridge at Gouritz river and seeing if you can watch that spit ball all the way to the bottom. 
Armed with these facts and a sense of bravado from my recent win at darts.
I decided I would do it myself, after all how hard can it be. I know how to do this stuff….. I have fixed 100’s of punctures on my old BMX. All I needed was some tire irons and a bit of effort. Easy I said. HA!
(TBC)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #583 on: May 07, 2020, 06:11:24 am »
Day 1…
Deep breath, it’s a wonderful day to be alive. The sun is out, there is sea cool breeze, even the psychotic magpies are looking friendly.
I went off to the local auto repair shop with Trenticles and bought two tire irons for a “measly” sum $16 each, not bad,
I just saved myself some Mula and that means more money for beer.
Once I was home I opened the toolkit provided by Yamaha and tried to take off the back wheel.
Hmmmm it seems that when they packed my tool kit they forgot to put in the spanner that fits the bolt for the rear axle.
Being the thinker that I am, I checked to see if there was a tool for the font axle and to my surprise there was not one of those either…..
Ok, I thought, well if I’m in the bundu I will need those anyway so it’s a good thing I discovered it now. And I’m off to the shop again..
Two axle spanners and $50 later I’m still in the green. After downloading the Manual and YouTube’ing what I needed to do I was into it like a fat kid protecting drinking custard in the cupboard.
Within 10 minutes the rear wheel was off and I was letting the air out of the tube.
That’s when I realized that a valve tool would actually make life A LOT easier. So I added that to my list of things to get next time I was at the parts shop….
With as much of the air out of the tube that I could get out, I could now use the tire levers to pry the tire off.
According to YouTube I just needed to slide the magaffter between the rim and the tire and leaver it over the edge and keep doing that until the tire was off. (Simples)
Twenty five minutes later with skin missing off three knuckles, a blue nail and sweating profusely I had managed to get the tire off the rim.
A further twenty five minutes later more skin missing off the same 3 knuckles, bruised fingers and looking like I had been for a swim the new tyre was fitted to rim.
I stood back and admired my handy work. Bear Grylls se gat, I’ve got skills, I’m a survivor!!.
All I needed to do now was put sky into the rounds and do the front wheel.
URGH…guess what, no pump to make the sky move into the tire.  Even though the blood and sweat is flowing freely from my body, I still chipper!!!
I’m having thoughts about dirt roads, tents and campfires, hell I’m even considering entering the Dakar.
I load the wheel into Wonder Womans battery powered Lexus and pop down to the servo to pump up the tire. 
There I am putting air in, and putting air in ,and putting air in, when I realize that there is a problem. This was like putting pipe after a big night of dopping, its getting hard but there is no end… 
Somehow, I have pinched the tube… URGH… my visions of the Dakar are fading as quickly as my energy levels.
I get home and remove the tire and tube (I’m quick now only 10 minutes to remove the tyre) and sure as nuts there’s the hole, I search for the puncture repair kit to discover that the glue is dry and the patches are so old that the plastic has turned yellow.. fark…..
I’m starting to think that a bike with tubeless tires is a good idea.  I’m off to the shop AGAIN to get a patch kit, and a pump, $30 later and I’m repairing effing pinches (yes more than one) in this effing idiotic rear tire.
My bruised and bleeding fingers are so sore I can hardly open a beer and trying to use a lighter to have a smoke is like running my thumb down a cheese grater….
I have to admit to myself that this is not that much fun anymore. I decide that tomorrow is a new day and I will complete the job then.....
TBC
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #584 on: May 07, 2020, 06:22:59 am »
Day 2…
It’s a nice day, the sun is out, the birds are making a noise, everyone excited about Christmas day approaching, I can just feel the energy around me.
I get dressed in my best mechanics clothes (shorts and an old t-shirt) and do what any competent mechanic would do, I made a cup of coffee and went and stared at the job ahead of me for at least 30 minutes before I started.
With the tyre back on the rim. Put air into the tube, bounce it about a bit to see if it’s really working and smile. So far so good. The Dakar is starting to look like an option again.
With the back end all sorted out I’m in a better mood and the ladies have decided to join me in the garden.
While they lounge about on the Pallet wood couches I made and drink wine, I’m ferreting away on my trusty steed. Their comments at this point are still light hearted and I’m taking it on the chin as I know what I’m doing.
There are questions like
“Will you take me for a ride this holiday?”,
“Can we go camping with you?”,
“How long does this normally take?”,
“Are you sure that’s loosening it?”
The last question was fired off probably 10 minutes after I had been trying to loosen the front axle. 
Sweat was building up, the Dakar was fading away again. Eventually after another YouTube session and lots of banter the front wheel is off.
10 minutes later the tyre is swapped and I’m looking good, feeling great. Hell the Dakar is back on!!!!
The peanut gallery seems to have taken a smoke break and even possibly even offering words of support and even an Ice-cold beer.
My inner voice is rattling off motivational sayings like
“True guts and determination is what separates the men from the boys.”,
“You only fail because you have not tried enough times” , “
You are truly amazing” and
“ Don’t make the same mistake as last time”.
I connect the newly purchased pump and while I’m putting air in the rim I have a well-deserved beer.
Unfortunately like a sharks supporter I was pre-emptive with my celebrations and had to put the cork back in the bottle. The now all too familiar sound of escaping air was filling my ears. I had pinched the tube…..A-fucking-GAIN..
My dreams of the Dakar are now officially shattered, I’m at the point of giving up on motorcycles completely.
I might aswell buy a Landrover and just watch it fall to pieces in my driveway. On the bright side I can change a tyre pretty quickly.
So after a 3 beer break I try again. And eventually after pinching the tube twice more the sky remains in the rounds. I have new takkies for the bike and there is air in them…….
TBC
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #585 on: May 07, 2020, 06:29:26 am »
Day3…..
This was to be a glorious day, the forecast is set for 33 degrees, a perfect day for a bike trip out to the mountains.
I have packed the bike, secured the bags, music is playing in my ears, I’m kitted up for a one nighter…
I’m certainly not concerned about the heat as at the end of the ride there is a pub with ICE ICE COLD BEER.
Braap Braaaaapp Braaaaaaapppppppp, down the road.
YES freedom at last!!!
My dreams of the Dakar are back and in force. I apologise to my bike of even thinking of giving up motorsport.
I’m 10km down the road am I’m thinking, just for safety’s sake I need to check the pressures. So I pull into the garage, put in fuel, and monitor the tire pressure, hmmm it’s a bit low, but my $20 pump is not exactly perfect so I’m just a little concerned..
I decide that I should return home get the pump as it will be more useful to me if I actually have it with me.
It’s at this point in the story where you are going to say bullshit I don’t believe you. And that’s ok because as I’m writing this I don’t believe it either, but, it’s the truth, 100% raw truth, no added drama.
Approximately 1km from home, the font end goes all mushy and I have to stop riding, my front wheel is completely flat……
Desperation, frustration, sadness, and generally just plain shitty was how I was feeling at that point.
The music that had continued playing in my earphones had gone from super awesome, to super shit.
The great riding weather of 33 degrees was now a coronal mass ejection (google it), that luminescent ball of fire was bringing hells fury into my helmet, and twat suit that I was adorned in.
I had no choice, I had to push that 220 kg monstrosity home… Twenty minutes of pushing this beast up the hill and eventually into the driveway I looked like I had just endured 3 hours of waterboarding from CIA’s best interrogators.
I was ready to admit that
•   The Dakar is never going to happen.
•   Bear Grylls can keep his never say die attitude and go and eat a fucken worm.
•   If one of those magpies divebomb me again it’s gonna be dinner.
I was done. If I had had the energy I would have used my lighter to light more than just a smoko.
TBC
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #586 on: May 07, 2020, 06:37:11 am »
Day 4……The sun is out again, the birds are back to being angry.
I’m stiff, my hands and fingers have swollen so much that I’m struggling to wipe my ass properly, my sunburn has turned a lighter shade of tomato and my hair has knotted into some kind of grey brown dreadlock (yes only one).
Waiting quietly for me outside was my new nemesis, it felt like I was in Standard 8 again, some over grown red gorilla with knuckles scraping on the floor was waiting to pounce on me and put me to shame while my so called “friends” would, understandably, for fear of their own lives, casually walk past like nothing was happening.
At least with the red gorilla I could hear him breathing through his mouth and avoid him.
If it was a Landrover I would be able to hear the oil dripping but Noooooo my adversary was like a JEDI Knight, the force was strong with this one.
I could do little to resist its pull.
Before I knew it I was standing looking at this mind bending two wheeled steed.
There must have been an epic battle that night between the tires and the atmosphere. It would seem that the atmosphere that was being kept prisoner in both tires had escaped.
As I stood there time slowed down, it became silent, and I knew that I had lost the war, it was time to admit defeat and hand it over to the pros…
I won’t go into the details about how I found a professional to purge the demigods that kept biting holes in my tubes but what I will tell you is this.
At 9:15 on Day 4 I found a shop, purchased 2 new tubes, another puncture repair kit and paid for the tubes to be fitted by anybody but me, for princely sum of $70. By 13:00 I was home.

This was not to be an average tire change.
Over the duration of four days of sweating and cursing, emotional turmoil, skin missing on 40% of my fingers, swollen hands and over $150 spent. Finally, I can ride my bike.
I can go camping and explore the outback… (only to discover my favoured spot (read “only spot”) was burned down in a massive bush fire but that’s another story)
I like to think of this experience as a journey, where a man struggles to find inner peace with a mechanical daemon.
It’s about how against all elements, imagined and real, when one is really struggling, there is someone out there that’s probably better than you, and for a price, will fix it for you.
Don’t get me wrong and read this like I failed horribly. OH HELL NO!!
I’m just good at other things, and on this particular personal journey of discovery I have realized that changing tires for me presents the same challenge as a person in a wheelchair competing in a steeplechase race and believing that they can win.

FIN-
Thanks for reading :thumleft:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Sam

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #587 on: May 07, 2020, 09:47:56 am »
"chalice of happiness".....heh! Good description!
 
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Offline Sam

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #588 on: May 07, 2020, 09:50:25 am »
those prices that you mention are crazy!!!!

Just a hint for next time that you might try........once you have the tube inside the tyre, pump a little air into it before you try to put the tyre bead back onto the rim. It makes sure that the tube is up inside the tyre, and not flopping about waiting to be pinched by an iron or bead....

 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #589 on: May 08, 2020, 04:09:10 am »
Yep, Even though it would seem that after 3 days of trying. I did actually try that.
And yes even then I pinched the tube.

Essentially if I get a flat I'm walking.  ;D ;D ;D
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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #590 on: May 08, 2020, 05:21:34 pm »
those prices that you mention are crazy!!!!

Just a hint for next time that you might try........once you have the tube inside the tyre, pump a little air into it before you try to put the tyre bead back onto the rim. It makes sure that the tube is up inside the tyre, and not flopping about waiting to be pinched by an iron or bead....
Best advice I ever got from an old biker, saved me lots of time, money and swear words. :deal: :thumleft:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #591 on: May 11, 2020, 04:59:44 am »
Look I don't know if its true or not.
I'm also sure that at some stage I will have to test it out.
But after 3 days of struggle I bought new tubes the thick ones and got someone that knows what they are doing to fix it.
Since then I have been lucky enough to not have a puncture (touch wood) 
If it does happen I recon I will just lay the bike on its side in the tall grass. Dig a hole with the tyre lever and bury my kit. Once that's done I will delete all my photos of bike related memories and buy a landrover.
That or struggle again and see what happen.  :biggrin: ;)
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Offline Sardine

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #592 on: May 11, 2020, 08:27:12 pm »
“ into some kind of grey brown dreadlock (yes only one). ”

🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for sharing.

@Ri, I am taking notes!
 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #593 on: May 12, 2020, 12:34:12 am »
Spotted this gogo this morning.
Are there any budding entomologist's out there that can enlighten me as to what it is?
If I was to guess I would call it a "DiaaDingSteekJouFuckedUp"
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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #594 on: May 12, 2020, 09:53:41 am »
Looks like the Aussie boet of our Koringkriek. ;) :deal:
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Offline Ri

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #595 on: May 13, 2020, 03:06:44 pm »
“ into some kind of grey brown dreadlock (yes only one). ”

🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for sharing.

@Ri, I am taking notes!

 :laughing4:

@BOZO, you have a unique and hilarious style. I'm also taking notes :deal:
 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #596 on: May 13, 2020, 11:26:53 pm »
Found this comic today while browsing facebooooooook
It a comic was to depict what if your dogs were middle aged men.




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« Last Edit: May 14, 2020, 01:17:34 am by BOZO »
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #597 on: May 13, 2020, 11:34:44 pm »
https://theoatmeal.com/comics/dogs_as_men



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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #598 on: May 14, 2020, 01:19:56 am »
Looks like the Aussie boet of our Koringkriek. ;) :deal:
Could be I was wondering if it was an immature version of something more sinister..... :o
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Offline Mr Zog

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #599 on: May 14, 2020, 03:15:00 am »
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.