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Author Topic: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga  (Read 11869 times)

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Offline Dirty Boy

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #60 on: August 21, 2019, 01:28:45 pm »
Thank you BOZO. Im having a crap day at work but snatching a few minutes during lunch to read this made me smile. Keep going.
 

Offline Sam

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #61 on: August 21, 2019, 01:44:28 pm »
Classic.

Post a pic of Spiderpig.......I'm really trying to imagine how this nickname / term of endearment came about.
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #62 on: August 21, 2019, 11:45:02 pm »
Ha Ha.
I suppose Posting a picture would make alot more sense. These are from around the time we first arrived.
The first one was from out farm in SA. When I look at photo my vision goes a bit blurry, How I miss the bush!!!
The second was when we had been here for a week or two
The third is their first day a school.
You can guess which one is spiderpig. ;)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #63 on: August 22, 2019, 08:37:24 am »
After a Late night, of debaucherous drinking, smoking and fornication, (in other words an early bedtime) day one for the newbies arrives.

I am going to give them the quick round trip of what’s what on the island, after all, in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king!!!

For step one we have to get food, I had forgotten how much 2 boys can eat in one sitting.

So we are off place called “ALDIS” its like a cheap place to get decent food, it’s the competition to Coles and Woollies the other 2 main food places in Aus.

As with all other food shops, you get a trolley and fill it like normal, but now you have two kids that are seeing stuff for the first time and they are not converting back to Rands, so everything is cheap according to them, which is great fun, until you explain the exchange rate, and then it all goes downhill, because now you have to  do the conversion for everything.

Here is a typical example.

Spiderpig “Dad this Nutella choc spread is only $4”

BK “Spiderpig that about R44, Lets look for a cheaper one”

Spiderpig “ how did you work it out to be R44”

Thinking I’m going to be clever I tell him this.

“Take the price add a '0' to the end of the number and then add 10% and add the 2 numbers together, then you will get a rand price”

Spiderpig shrugs says “ oh ok” and puts it in the trolley anyway.

Little did I realize what I had done to myself. By being clever I was beaten by one shorter and louder than me.  The shrug was not and oh ok that makes sense. The shrug was more of a “ lol you chop I have you now. You wanna be clever, well watch this place”

For the next 5 minutes,

Dad how much is this in Rands?

Lesson learned!!!


Now one of the reasons that “ALDIS” is cheaper than your average shop is because they have cut down in certain areas.
For instance.
1. They run an entire food shop with 4 staff. (packers, till operators, managers, zonkie)
2. When you get to the checkout counter. The conveyer belt its long in front where you load your stuff onto and its short where it goes past the till operator.  Now there is a good reason for this.

1.       You need to “ deposit” $2 to release a trolley from the locked area.

2.       You get your $2 back when you return your trolley.

3.       They don’t have packets to pack your items in.

4.       And they don’t have a packer to pack your trolley.

So I’m sure that by now you are wondering why I’m telling you this. Here is the fun part. We (Trent and I) unpack the trolley on to the conveyor belt and I tell Trent that he must take the trolley to the other side and pack it when the stuff comes through. Bearing in mind that Trent is still assuming that everyone works on Africa time, he thinks that this will be easy. The Teller starts pushing the groceries past the scanner at a speed, and thy are piling up on Trent’s side, I see the panic set in. He doesn’t know what to do, and we have a quick Chat

BK: “Come, come china you must pack this trolley. “

TK: “ DAD, what’s happening here? Where are the packets?”

BK: LOL “ Trent there are no packets. Just pack into the Trolley”

TK: “ Flippit this oke is sending the stuff through quicker than I can pack, and I have never packed a trolley before in my entire life”


The Teller is Pissing himself and keeps pushing stuff through quicker. I’m laughing at Trent and he is stepping up his game of learning how to pack a trolley really quickly.

That’s where I realized that I have also never packed a trolley before that day.

What a Laugh!!
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Tman21

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #64 on: August 22, 2019, 11:36:51 am »
Kak Lekker Myt! :thumleft:
Dames, se my wat jou naam is . . .
 

Offline Willem-Ben

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #65 on: August 22, 2019, 11:58:09 am »
Hi BOZO - More please don't stop.
Your island family are blessed with you.

Cheers
 
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Offline Antonie

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #66 on: August 22, 2019, 12:06:58 pm »
Hi BOZO - More please don't stop.
Your island family are blessed with you.

Cheers
Indeed. Get it going, what must I do at work all day?!

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #67 on: August 23, 2019, 12:03:24 am »
The Tale of the Bozo family landing on the island has now become an even greater event than Robert Louis Stevenson’s  “Treasure Island” or “The Swiss Family Robinson” (German: Der Schweizerische Robinson) a novel by Johann David Wyss, first published in 1812, about a Swiss family shipwrecked in the East Indies en route to Port Jackson, Australia.

**** it’s a rare talent to be able to hijack your own thread to educate yourself and those around you.
Just think, did you even know that “The Swiss Family Robinson”  were on their way to Australia?
Huh?
Well?
No, I thought not!!!
You can thank me later!!  :imaposer:
Education off
Hijack off *******
Why you ask?
Well that’s easy…. We got here!!! And guess what… it’s still an island. :P
I do believe there are many things that one can experience in life and one of the greatest is to watch the world change through the eyes of our children.
Yes they may work on our ability to see straight, buy nice cars, motorbikes, fornicate with sound effects or even…….god forbid just have a poo in peace and quiet.
They are there, all the time, but, we love it. Except for the trying to have a poo part.
I realized this when my two terrorists aka sons were still far away on the African continent. A continent that is so huge that the rest of the continents can fit into it (HE HE HE Zuma you beauty).
This realization became more apparent when they arrived on the island. Is the small things that we take for granted.
For example….
At the grocery stores here there is a thing called an self-check-out counter. I can just about guarantee that you will never see one of these in South Africa.
The concept is simple and it works. You walk into the shop and collect the stuff you want to buy.
You then walk up to the empty counter (there is no teller), scan the stuff you packed into your basket (yourself), load that into your packet (yourself), swipe your credit card and walk out the store. It works on a honesty principle.
Really? Really, really!!!
I have seen it, with my own peepers  :bueller:, but being old school, I’m happy to stand in line and wait patiently to get access to a Till Operator. (if you read this carefully you maybe be thinking to yourself…..” its because he is too shy to ask for help if something goes wrong”….. well you would be absolutely correct on your thoughts.)
Trent saw this and after his experience of shopping at “ALDIS” ,where he had to pack the trolley at lighting speed, he decided that this is his new favourite method of shopping.
Unfortunately his favourite method of shopping means that he needs to use my card. So I now have lots of charges on my card for $1 or $3 . (LOTS). *edit* Apparently you can use cash as well…..
The fact that the kids can stroll up to the shop or to the park without adult supervision takes getting used to, in a week they will be catching a bus to school and then I ask myself what’s next.
Well the island is an interesting place. BUT let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Things like washing clothes and ironing takes on a whole new meaning. Living a privileged life where your clothes magically travel from the bedroom floor or the shower floor to the cupboard, neatly folded and clean, well that life is over pappy. Wearing 3 different t-shirts during the day because you feel like it, well that’s over too.
On the journey to the island there was only so much space to pack stuff, as the rest of the escaping South Africans also needed space to pack their kak.
So there is only so much clothes to go round. In the first week the boys were so excited they tried to get through all their clothes in 2 days. Nikki the ever calm mother said nothing… for the first week.
Then we went washing.
At the laundromat.
Where its $5 a load. :-\
And you still need to tumble-dry it.
At $1 for 7 minutes. :-\
This is when I saw the edging on the perfect person start to fray, Juuuusssst a little, there were people (Nikki’s different personalities) standing in line trying to get out first to give their opinion. The operations manager part of her was almost at the door when the accountant did a double flick flack and landed just behind the mother part, leaning over the mother’s left shoulder whispering in her ear the current exchange rate and counting the loads of washing. On the other shoulder was Nikki’s General Manager personality saying things like,
”Get a grip of this situation, you need to ensure that this place runs like a tight ship, no over expenditure on the budget allowed”.
The operations manager is still in the background on her tippytoes trying to rally support for how to get to the laundromat with a ton of clothes on a bus, and further back is the admin person quietly crying over how this is all going to be ironed and hung without it getting dirty and creased on the ride home in the bus. (slowly we are starting to understand the mind of a woman)
While the edges are starting to fray, (and we had only just arrived) in the background Spiderpig has lost his marbles and is staring that clothes spinning in the tumble dryer making whooo wwhoooo whhoooo noises.
Trent is trying to look swag (in a laundromat) and I’m getting a high score on bubble breaker. 
Just think about this for a second. A family of four sitting in line at a laundromat doing washing. Talk about living on a budget entertainment!
With the washing done and the coins all deposited into the various machines we are now folding clothes and the boys come to see what this strange behavior is that their parents are doing.
We introduce this concept to them slowly, first the action is called folding clothes.
And It looks like fun, so we demonstrate/ instruct / show / help them.
A light goes on in Trent’s head as he watches this from the corner, he realizes that this is work and quickly does a sideways shimmy a small distance away, far enough to look like he’s helping but doesn’t actually have to.
It’s an old trick we all learned in boarding school, so that when you get spotted on the outskirts and chirped you can easily give a look of innocence and say “What? I am helping … see (and pick up something)”.
Spiderpig on the other hand has not learned this tactic and is standing there trying to tell a story unrelated to what we are doing. I give him a tee-shirt and try to show him how it done…….. Need I say more.
Watching him fold a shirt is a taxing effort, it slow, and wrong, and frustrating, and you know you should not take it away and do it yourself (every books says that they need to do it themselves) but in the end, we as parents failed.
His attempt looked like a someone losing a slow motion Kungfu fight with four kilograms of wet pizza dough.
After folding one shirt he thankfully went back to the tumble dryers to make whoo whoooo whooo noises. All this time Trent was trying to eye his muscles in the reflection of the glass.
I think I was foxed again. I think that spiderpig is the most intelligent human in the family and has out witted the rest of us.  He will probably never have to fold a shirt again in his life.
Only time and patience will tell.
Fast forward a couple of days and the kids are down to one set of clothes a day, the accountant has retreated to rest for a while and the admin person has stopped crying.
Peace has been restored on the island….. for now……..
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Online OomD

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #68 on: August 23, 2019, 05:55:53 am »
Love this! :lol8:
 

Offline Splash

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #69 on: August 23, 2019, 07:20:13 am »
Very funny. Can relate to this.
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Offline tulips

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #70 on: August 23, 2019, 08:54:24 am »
Classic :imaposer: Keep it coming
Very funny Mr Geller can i please get my bike back
 

Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #71 on: August 23, 2019, 10:06:30 am »
They say kids are our punishment for enjoying sex - I look at my youngest and I can honestly say I can't remember it being THAT much fun... :patch:
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Offline Dirty Boy

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #72 on: August 23, 2019, 12:26:24 pm »
Oh this is funny.

Ive been on Mud Island for 20 months now and still laugh at things 'that just wouldn't work in ZA' like the self help counters. The Supermarkets have stands with fresh fruit, free for kids to eat whilst trawling around with their parents.

Then there is the ironing that I have to do myself. This isnt a problem because I dont let it pile up too high and do it whilst watching a movie. The most amazing thing is that 20 months later and I'm still using the same ironing board and steam iron. No tight knot of cables spouting from the base of the iron waiting to electrocute me.

Same goes for all my other appliances, all 20 months old and still work. Brilliant
 

Offline Buff

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #73 on: August 23, 2019, 12:37:47 pm »
 :imaposer: this thread is better than Comedy Club  :imaposer:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #74 on: August 23, 2019, 01:46:31 pm »
They say kids are our punishment for enjoying sex - I look at my youngest and I can honestly say I can't remember it being THAT much fun... :patch:
Ha ha. You and me both.  Only thing is I didn’t learn my lesson the first time round and did it twice......*facepalm*


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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #75 on: August 23, 2019, 01:51:30 pm »
Oh this is funny.

Ive been on Mud Island for 20 months now and still laugh at things 'that just wouldn't work in ZA' like the self help counters. The Supermarkets have stands with fresh fruit, free for kids to eat whilst trawling around with their parents.

Then there is the ironing that I have to do myself. This isnt a problem because I dont let it pile up too high and do it whilst watching a movie. The most amazing thing is that 20 months later and I'm still using the same ironing board and steam iron. No tight knot of cables spouting from the base of the iron waiting to electrocute me.

Same goes for all my other appliances, all 20 months old and still work. Brilliant
First thing I did was find a bin. Anything that needs to be ironed got trashed. Then I went to savers. It’s like a second hand shop that sells good cheap clothes. I wash it, hang it and fold it. If it needs to ironed is not mine. We do still have our iron, someplace. It’s right next to the “ fuck that I’m not ironing that” pile.


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Offline Grunder

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #76 on: August 23, 2019, 01:52:55 pm »
They say kids are our punishment for enjoying sex - I look at my youngest and I can honestly say I can't remember it being THAT much fun... :patch:

Right!!??   :bueller:

And apparently if you close your eyes during the rocket show then it will be a girl.

So, the sex was so good I was given twins...and something must have scared me shïtless at the end because its two girls  :peepwall:
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #77 on: August 23, 2019, 03:31:44 pm »
Ha ha. You and me both.  Only thing is I didn’t learn my lesson the first time round and did it twice......*facepalm*

ME too, twice accidentally. One son 21 the other 10. Farked twice  :imaposer:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #78 on: August 26, 2019, 05:13:35 am »
I still have not found the Swiss Robertson’s Family) and I wonder what I told you last.
Some of this may be repeated, but when you have a good story sometimes you need to tell it twice. ( sometimes A LOT MORE…..you know who you are  :deal:)
The problem with telling a story twice is you have to remember the important pieces, the dramatic pieces and bullshit pieces.
I’m sure by now you will realize that most stories are bland and boring but if you add 30% drama and 50% bullshit the important pieces are really enjoyable.
Firstly, our furniture has arrived.
We no longer need to camp like bogans (what’s a bogan I hear you ask) well ……..
A bogan is an Aussie slang word used to describe a person of “lower” working-class background, whose speech, clothing, attitude and behaviour exemplify values and behaviour considered unrefined or unsophisticated.





Is it strange that I can identify with these people?  Or is it just the really cool hairstyle that you can have and people don’t care?
I mean really a smoke, a stubby, and a pie…. What else could one want?...
Annnnyyyway….. we got our stuff and Wonder Woman took 3 days to unpack all the boxes, clean everything, and repack the cupboards….
These little tests of character that I designed on the boat trip to the island have been passed with flying colours,
When Wonder Woman applies for a job and puts me down for a reference I will be able to confidently say that she is going to be an asset to any organization..
Only a couple more tests to pass and I think she is ready to get out into the working world.
An additional test that I personally did not consider was unpacking the boxes with Spiderpig and Trento123 around.
All I can say is Kids are like socks.
Every now-and-again one disappears. When one disappears and the other one is around they are/it’s pretty useless especially when you need them to do their job. When you finally give up looking for the missing one it eventually pops up, like it’s always been there, and it’s your fault you couldn’t find it.
So now begins the battle of the adapters….
For all the sales people out there if you can find South African to Australian adapters and sell them on the net for less than $8 delivered you will make a fortune!!!! If anybody is keen to come out and do some market research, you can come to Melbourne. WE now have beds, couches, plates, coffee cups, even a decanter to put the box wine in.
Oh…
There is this one thing that I did do……that may be considered Bogan…
And I could not help myself, it’s a South African thing.. After Wonder Woman had unpacked the house in the shake of a lambs tail, we realized that Spiderpig needed a desk in his room, to do homework and such things. (his idea of the island was ruined directly after his first day of school, apparently there are also schools at the beach, and that sucks). 
I had steeled myself to get off the couch and venture off into the concrete jungle, battling Aussies, Chinese, and many others in this multicultural city, and old people to get to a SALVO’s or Kmart to buy a table. I grabbed the keys for SSWFP (Silver Suzuki with flappy paddles) asked if one of the minions wanted to come with. (got no answer…. Somethings never change) I charged off like the hero of any childhood story, to retrieve a hidden treasure. (I’m my mind I was prince charming, in reality probably closer to Shrek)
Armed with a hat, sunglasses, wallet, a quick sip of water to prevent dehydration, I summed up the the mental determination of a blind man trying to thread a needle, I was ready to come back victorious showing the fruits of my labour.
I was careening down the road, the blissful tunes of Metallica “enter the sandman” playing on the wireless, charged by male gusto and feeling brave as I was edging just on 62km/h in a 60 zone about to throw caution in to the wind, and turn corners without using the indicators when….. BOOM right there. On the side of the road. A table, the correct size, in good condition. And most importantly FREE…… yes people FREE. Now who doesn’t like free stuff. I had no choice…. I wrestled SSWFP to a stop (after indicating my intentions to do so) and took a picture and sent it to Wonder Woman.  My excitement was electric, I was going to bring home the bacon, the big whopper, and its FREE…….. Check it out (picture below)…
Pretty cool hey? 
Some might say Bogan, some might say tappit,
I say, if that was a case of beers would you stop. (absabloodyluutley) if you wouldn’t stop for a free case of beers please reply and I can remove you from this list.  :imaposer:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline TeeJay

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! It’s the catchup thread.
« Reply #79 on: August 26, 2019, 05:45:24 am »
What a score - what a thread - thanks for the massive effort this takes - much appreciated  :thumleft:
Eat life!