Australia.... The Island Saga

[roxenz]

@Fudmucker and @roxenz thanks for the word doc.
I already have a Doc with all of my letters once I have shared them all I will share the full "book"
Cheers.

No worries mate. I was just bored and decided to muck around with Fuddy (by being over-pedantic myself). My personal view is that over-editing your loony musings would somehow sterilise it. It kinda has to sound as if you wrote it spur of the moment while taking a break with a tinny and a ciggie...

[BOZO]

This one is out of order but i thought you would enjoy it.. (written today) 2 June 2020


Covid Lockdown Diary day x?

It’s a cold winter morning as the sun creeps above the horizon on yet another day of covid lockdown. The human race prepares itself for an uncertain future. Facebook is awash with happy thoughts, meme’s of people being kind to each other, posts of people are running marathons around their houses, others are perfecting their home brew. Some have even resorted to pleading with their politicians to allow them to have a cigarette again. On the island, I’m seated in my office chair sipping a coffee, having chosen my Spotify play list for the day, I have taken a smoko out of the box and about to light it, when in that moment, I’m inspired by the way that mother nature has started healing the earth. (dramatic pause) (the pause can be as long as you like) (the longer the pause the more dramatic)
If you think that this is going to be a tree hugging, vegan supporting, greenie mail you can skip to the end and read this backwards. That way it will end with a sunset and me changing my mind about having a smoko and putting it back in the box. (short dramatic pause while the people that have printed this out skip to the end)
Ok ok, I’m ready now.
I had started writing a dairy for future reference but after twenty-five days of the same thing on repeat I changed my mind.
BUT, and you would know that a good story has to have a butt, I do have an interesting story to tell.
Will there be drama and action?
Will there be humour and tears?
Yes there will, and, most importantly it’s all 100% true even if it is exaggerated a little.

Lockdown dairy Day: fuckit….
Wonder Woman decided that we needed to use this time to do a health check. She studiously booked appointments at the skin cancer clinic, dentist and in addition just for me the optometrist.
Lucky for me they weren’t all on the same day. Unluckily for me everyone I went to had bad news for me.
The first encounter was the eye guy, let’s call him my-knee-only-so-hi, sat me down and asked me to do a series of multiple choice questions. He has this fancy smanchy no touch eye machine that swaps lenses automatically while he types way on his laptop. He kept showing me blurry letters and saying better or worse, I kept saying worse, worse, worse. After what felt like an age he checked my near-far-near lookers, shook his head and muttered under his breath. I told him that I’m tired of the near-far-near lookers and would rather have near lookers and far lookers and if possible, could he laser my eyeballs to make me see pretty again.
With a sad face, or he normally looks like that I’m not sure, he handed me a slip for new lookers and said I gotta go see a another eye guy about lasers for my eyeballs .
Due to covid I have had to do this in isolation which means that wonder woman was not there to help me to the door, or choose frames. Which was the next natural step in the process.
A friendly lady took me to the rack of frames and with a flourish of her arms told me to choose a pair. Which is easy ne’? Well yes, BUT think about this quickly. I’m wearing my near-far-near lookers, I choose a frame that I think will make look handsome yet rugged and distinguished at the same time. I then take off my near-far-near lookers put on the frame and then look in the mirror. Guess what I can see. Fack all. Nada, nothing, just a fussy grey blob. Hmm that’s not right I think, so I take off the frame and put on the near-far-near lookers to double check…… hmmmm no problem I think to myself, I’ll just try a different frame. Interestingly enough exactly the same result. Just an out of focus grey blob. Frustrated, after the fifth pair and no change in results, I turned to the assistant and said I’ll come back with Wonder Woman to help me chose the new far lookers and near lookers. Appointment one done!
Next Appointment was the skin guy……
We clock in on time, wonder woman being wonder woman fills in the forms. I hate filling in forms. In fact I hate it so much that a couple of years ago when I fell off a ladder and broke my heel, through the haze of pain I drove to the hospital and the lady handed me a clipboard and asked me to complete this useless piece of paper. Ten minutes later, tired of trying to find next of kin information, and medical aid numbers I hobbled back to the desk gave her the clipboard back with a half filled in form full of mistakes and scribbled out kak. I said to her,
“I would rather live with a broken heel than fill out this Godforsaken thing.”
Not even waiting for a reply I hobbled back to my car and let my heel heal on its own. If you are ever unfortunate enough to need me to complete a form for you…. Well, buddy, you are screwed, just saying!
AAAANNNNYYYYYYWAAAY….  Back to the skin guy. I’m directed into a room with a very very very chatty nurse, she asks me to disrobe and I’m thankful for once that am wearing a good pair of undies where my chillobe doesn’t pop out the front to see what’s happening. The “doctor” walks in and starts inspecting my biggest organ, my outerbag (skin). He comments on the fact having more than 100 freckles puts me in the high risk area for bla bla bla something, something doesn’t matter I had stopped listening. I did mention to him that he is going to have a field day when he starts on Wonder Woman, as if there was a competition between her and a Cheetah she would win. My comedic sense of humour was lost on him and he just kept checking my outerbag. Then, at one point he stops and say’s
“uh, you have a cancer bla bla bla something on your neck and arm” and  “I will need to cut them out.” 
The nurse had still not stopped lecturing me about applying sun cream and has now moved onto the benefits of applying it at night. I’m nodding at her like a dog watching a bouncing ball but I’m actually wondering if I have paid my life insurance. She hands me a slip and tells me she will see me soon for my procedure.
Fuck now I’m feeling old. I’ve been to two “doctors“ both have muttered under their breath, scrawled stuff on pieces of paper and told me to either see someone else or come back to face the knife!!
The following day I was off to the third appointment to get my chompers checked.
Upon arrival the receptionist welcomed us to the halls of oral torment with a sorrowful smile. She hands us a clipboard and asks us to complete, wait for it!!!! Forms… URRRHHH
Unfortunately for me Wonder Woman has already sent me in with a warning, that I will be given a form to complete and I’d better do it. Under duress and only 20 to 25 mistakes the form is completed handed back and we wait.
All this time I kept thinking that I recognized the receptionist but couldn’t quite place a finger on it. Eventually like a lightbulb turning on in the middle of load shedding, it came to me, I was laying on my back staring at the celling, mouth open, drool collecting in the back of my throat, answering questions like a panicked fat kid hiding a hamburger while being grilled by the police in covid lockdown.
I said “Hey!! I remember how I know the receptionist” lucky for me all they heard was “Uhnninggnhh!!! ggcchhh uuhhhhuuu  aannngghggghghggghhh uugghhhhggaaahh.”
It turns out I don’t know her are all, she just looked like the old version of April from teenage mutant ninja turtles!
To be honest the years have not been kind to her, she used to be the hot tenacious reporter that wielded a video camera bigger than your average bazooka, all while sporting a tight yellow overall that, incredibly, never got dirty, unlike my thoughts…. Her gig as a cartoon reporter obviously didn’t work out for her. To be fair at least she had her five minutes of fame unlike my gig as a real-life millionaire. Oh well. Our eyes met and just before I could ask her how she ended up as Dental assistant the woman with her tools in my mouth said. “I see you have a small cavity, we will need to fix that up”…… No frikken way another doctor another problem!! 3 for 3.
Lookers  = Screwed.
OuterBag = Screwed..
Chompers = Screwed…
All I can say is thank goodness Wonder Woman didn’t send me to the dude that checks your prostate!!!!!!
AHHH Well at least I still have my health… for now anyway.
When I turn 50 I will get a poo bag from the government where I have to defecate into it and sent it back. They say it’s to check for colon cancer but I recon it so they can check if they have screwed me over enough!!!
AANNNYYYHOOOOO
For one that never goes to a doctor for fear of a form, I thought I did quite well and was almost proud that I had crested the hill of appointments and doctors notes. The view from the top of the hill was good but in the next few up coming days it was time to face the music, I needed to go back to these separate white cloaked, educated humans and let them fix this ailing and broken frame that holds the mind of a Genius. (well if I know what I know now and was born in say, 1000 BC, they would have thought I was a genius)
Firstly I was off the skin guy, guess what…… more forms, I remembered to wear my good undies again, which was a great thing because the assistant was quite hot. There I was sitting on the operation table in my tighty whities, when the Doc started to inject me. It reminded me of the time wonder woman would jab me every 3 days, for 21 days, for Rabies, she would take the muti directly out of the fridge, suck back a vial of ice cold liquid into a needle the same diameter of a pencil and with a touch of malice in eye, drive that freezing steel tube into my arm. Sometimes while the pole was still in my arm she would see if she could bend it into a 45 degree angle. Anyway he stuck this fiery steel appendage into my neck and arm several times and released liquid lava into my body, for what he says “will numb the area”. While there was a little wee-wee seeping into my good undies, I was very brave and hardly flinched showing the haaaaawt assistant how tough I am. She made all the right comments and even accidently brushed my arm which I interpreted as she thought I was “ok bordering on hot”. After slicing a five centimetre chunk from my neck and punching a hole in my arm he stitched me up and said I was good as new. Later that week they called and said that it was not malignant and I’m all good. Seems I will live forever!!!!! (booom tick box)
Next was the laser eyeball guy….
Ok deep breath.
Wait for it!! More freeeeeking forms, UUUGGGHHHHHHH, More waiting in a waiting room, UUGGGHHHHHH and eventually it’s my turn. Dr Do-little-and-charge-a-lot puts eyedrops into my eyes to stop the black bit from getting smaller when he shines a light into it. I waited for 10 minutes for the drugs to work and then we started some more tests. We do the multiple choice quiz where he asks better or worse, and I keep saying worse, worse, worse. He takes photos of the insides of my eyeballs and says. “Mate we will need to wait for a year to see if your vision has stabilized”. Well that, or he can just replace my lens completely. The thought of having a knife enter my eyeball and to make matters worse completing another form, is just too much for me, which kills my enthusiasm and I tell him I happy to wait for a year. We are all smiles and I leave…….
But Hang on a section that cant be all can it?
NOOOOO!!! Remember those eyedrops? Yes? Well when I walked outside the sun was out in all its glory. My now paralysed eyeballs cannot contract and it feels like I’m staring directly at the sun. Everything is BRIGHT!! Even clearer and I’m thinking to myself “Hey! That’s pretty cool!!. Any more of this and my personality might improve aswell!!“
Shortly after I started driving home, the brightness and the movement, caused my tear ducts to start working overtime, tears filled my eyeballs making everything blurry (more blurry than normal) as well as my eyelids now involuntarily closing. I’m using every muscle in my face, forehead and even my ass is trying assist to try and keep my eyes open so I don’t have an accident. I recon I looked like I was running away from an angry charging buffalo and sucking on a monster sour ball. At one point I had to pull over on the side of the road to get my bearings. What’s normally a six-minute drive took just over thirty minutes. I was tired, my face neck and ring piece were sore from the strain of trying to survive and worse, I looked like I had been crying because I won RENAULT in a sweepstakes competition. I sat on the couch like a deflated balloon, with paralysed eyeballs, a lacerated neck and chunk of skin missing from my arm and I thought to myself only one more appointment to go…….. well its now a week later and I still have not gone to the dentist. I think I will just get wonder woman to fill the hole with Polyfilla and some soldering wire.
By the time you read this I will have my new far lookers, near lookers, the twine holding my outerbag will be ready to remove and you will have been to the bottle store to replenish your booze cabinet.
So enjoy your stubbie, be safe, hug a tree and don’t go insane in isolation.
ZOY
 

[Sam]

Classic!

[DeeCeeBee]

Please look me up for sure.

I’d be more than happy to show you round a few good routes.

Darryn

0427 879 785

AHHHHH Mate, This letter was written last year just before Easter.
Trust Me the next time in Tazzie I will be sure to give you a call.
 

Easy done!

[BOZO]

**a covid story**

The sun had set on a typical winters Friday evening, it was cold the wind was blowing and the 3 musketeers (Wonder Woman, BurntWild and I)  were huddled around the heater sipping on wine and beer. The conversation was typical to those suffering from covid lockdown and even though stories were repeated ad nauseam we all nodded at the right times and feigned interest in the topic. That was until of course Wonder Woman’s mobile rang.
Trenticles was on the other end with a request.
In the art of manipulation, similar to the art of war, to get what you want you need to lead with a heartfelt story to get the attention of the listener. Once you have hooked them you can move into the request and finally omit some truths to get what you want.
Trenticles, being a descendent of wonder woman’s blood, had planned this conversation perfectly. He started with some idle banter to soften her up, he gauged the conversation to the intake of wine and the malleability of his mothers heart. His story started with the fact that the next evening he was supposed to be attending a mates 18th birthday party and that there had been an issue that whereby the party had to be cancelled. If you sat quietly, as I did, in the background you could hear a single lonely violinist playing a tune to dramatize the event. Sufficiently hooked Wonder Woman was unable to change the subject and Trenticles continued. Seeing as his mates party was cancelled could we have it at our house. An extra violinist somehow being added to the score to emphasize the desperate plea. Unfortunately for me I was hooked into the story possibly because of my love of classical music or maby because I was six beers in. Wonder Woman looked at me and with her puppy dog eyes and I know it was futile to oppose what was happening before my eyes. She approved his request to have his mates party at our house.
I would be spending my Saturday cleaning out the garage, preparing the braai, (yes we would be catering for them aswell) shopping for “refreshments” and packing the cooler box. Essentially we would spend out day preparing for a party we are not invited to. Remember that part about omitting something….. Well the kid, whose birthday party was cancelled, the reason we are having it at our house….. well he is not coming. We are having a party at our house that we are catering for, for a kid that I don’t know, that is not even coming!!!! When I spoke to him about it on Saturday evening when he finally got home his words were.
“We were all geared up for a party and needed a venue so you guys were it.” followed up with “Did you put the beers in the fridge?” I don’t want you, dear reader, to think any less of me so I will not write down the words that spewed from my mouth but if you imagine a mechanic hitting his thumb with a hammer and venting his feelings you would not be far off.
Eventually five lads arrived and they proceeded to drink beer like only 18 year old’s can. Trenticles had purchased a funnel to down beers with and proceeded to “show” me how its done.
To be honest I’ve seen a water drain an Olympic sized swimming pool with a hosepipe quicker than that lad trying to guzzle a beer. I tried to tell him its all about technique, pressure and mental ability, but words are just words and in this case actions speak louder than words. I grabbed one of his tropical island namby pamby beers and showed him the correct technique to pouring the beer into the funnel. When he was the correct elevation I swallowed that beer in one gulp, burped and said that’s how you do it. My audience was dumbstruck, as I looked around all I could see was bloodshot eyes and gaping mouths.
**Drops the mike, walks away**
This old ballie can still teach these young upstarts a few things. 

[Ri]

 

[BOZO]

This made me laugh


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[BigEd]

This made me laugh

Of course it did

[BOZO]

Ok this is not a picture thread but this one has to be one of my favourite.



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[mox]

Reply #644
 

[BOZO]

Four years ago Wonder Woman, Trenticles and spiderpig arrived on the island. Wow. Time files. We can now apply for citizenship. How mad is that’s?


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[Sardine]

 

[roxenz]

Four years ago Wonder Woman, Trenticles and spiderpig arrived on the island. Wow. Time files. We can now apply for citizenship. How mad is that’s?


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Good on ya, mate! 

[ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS]

Four years ago Wonder Woman, Trenticles and spiderpig arrived on the island. Wow. Time files. We can now apply for citizenship. How mad is that’s?


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Wow that was fast!!!!
So now you do not need a criminal record to get in anymore!!
Can you keep your SA passport or not?

[BOZO]

Four years ago Wonder Woman, Trenticles and spiderpig arrived on the island. Wow. Time files. We can now apply for citizenship. How mad is that’s?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro

Wow that was fast!!!!
So now you do not need a criminal record to get in anymore!!
Can you keep your SA passport or not?

You don't need a criminal record per se but I know a guy that can provide one if you do. 

Re the SA passport.... thats an interesting topic for discussion.

To keep my Passport I need to inform the both governments that I wish to keep dual citizenship. which is easy enough.
The upside is that I will have a piece of paper that says I am a South African. but lets look at it from a practical point of view.
Say something hectic happened in the world. Like I donno, say a pandemic swept uncontrollably across the world, borders were closed, international travel was banned and I was stuck in Usbeckistan.
If I had dual citizenship, my original country (SA) would be responsible to assist me in getting out. That means that I would need to apply to the SA embassy for help.......... We don't need to go down that road to know how that will work out.
If did not have dual citizenship, Australia would be responsible to assist me.
I was speaking to someone just yesterday, an ex SA guy, that is a citizen here, who was traveling, when this pandemic broke out. Before he could start to think about leaving, the AUS government, sent him an SMS to inform him that they see that he is out of the country and that he should return ASAP, if there were any complications he should contact them and they will assist.

For that reason alone I will probably not keep dual citizenship. But sometimes the heart overrides the brain.... decision pending......

[IanTheTooth]

I think Bozo has it summed up there. We got our permanent residence at the same time as Bozo but still have to wait a couple of years for citizenship application time (in my wife's case 2years 4 months, 3weeks, 12 hours and 23 minutes.)  In my and my children's cases with a UK and RSA citizenship it doesn't really matter about the RSA passport but in my wife's case with only an RSA citizenship she just can't wait to get a real world passport without a thousand visa restrictions.

[BOZO]

A Tasmanian Adventure 2019 EASTER
Visiting the Islands Island.
This post is being changed for readability for your pleasure......... and comprehension 
Please be patient.....
uploading........

[BOZO]

Part One...
Visiting the Island’s Island.
On this journey of haphazard events we left the Island to go to it’s Island and it’s Island’s Island, so you could say we went to this Islands’ Island’s Island. Don’t get that confused with Ireland that’s a completely different this Island and also it’s an Island off another Island where one of the travellers that joined us is from.
The original group of intrepid explorers was originally going to be Myself (TGOTI), Wonder Woman, Trenticles, Spiderpig and the people from the “mountain” family (van den Burg’s) (bones (Vanessa), skinny-giant (Marius) and their son surname-surname (Reyneke)).  Somewhere along the line, The Burn (Nicola) and her daughter Thumbelina (Storm) joined in, as well as mommy-ride-to (Maryna) and The-Pom (Paul) with their daughter Thumbelina 2.0 (Caity).
All of a sardine we went from 4 (3 BMW’s & 1 Yamaha) bikes and one car (Honda Jazz) to 6 bikes ( 5 BMW’s & 1 Yamaha) and 2 cars (a Honda Jazz and a “one-times-flaming-red-hot-check-me-out-imma-inna-Mercedes-BenZ-baby”) … mommy-ride-to and The-Duke are from Sydney but we were instructed to not hold that against them as they have also been to many many countries touring on their bikes.
They have a wealth of experience traveling by bike and camping, if that’s not enough there was a promise that they would bring along with them lots of interesting stories.
I was fully prepared to become a brain-leech and absorb as much info as possible and grow my worlds view…..
Well to 101% completely honest. I was just keen to drink beer ride bikes and talk shit, but you get the idea right? Some people actually want more out of life, or so I’m told.
This certainly wont be a day by day account of what we did, if that’s what you wanted then my advice would be to consult Facebook as the clan, except for the burn did daily updates.
Day one: 😊
Previously we (wonder-woman and someone?) agreed to meet on the ferry as it takes a while to board?, aboard?, bored?, get on the boat. On the way there we needed to stop at the servo (BP) to meet the burn and put a chicken in the fridge (yes we had a fridge in our Honda Jazz). I pulled up to the servo and low and behold there was Bones, Skinny-Giant and Surname-Surname.
I pulled up next to them for a bit of a yarn. Wonder woman called to say she had forgotten to pack her Jacket and would be delayed by 15 minutes. I was not perturbed as the banter had already started and we still need to transfer said chicken.
Eventually, we decided to move on and that’s where the kak started.
Nnnhhhnnnnnn ngggghhhnnnnnnn nnhhhggggnnnnnnnn, click….. 
One of the bikes would not start.
Bones’s battery was flat, she had left her heated grips on to keep her coffee warm and unbeknownst to her not only did this drain her battery but also her popularity points with skinny-giant whose eyes had narrowed into tiny slits and darted from side to side.
Surname-Surname and I (still fully kitted out in winter our twat suits) tried to push start the 110kg Skinny-Giant, while Bones, standing to one side, coffee in hand, chipped away at her popularity points. Every time we came past pushing the bike.
Somehow comments like, “Maybe you should take a longer run up?”  don’t really help……Just saying…… especially when you are building up a sweat in the pants that you intend to wear for the next 10 days…..
After some unpacking , unscrewing, unbolting, connecting, starting, bolting, screwing and eventually repacking we were off. Lucky the ferry (The Spirit Of Tasmania) was an hour late……

This is not some steam boat that crosses the Vaal River carrying an old Jaloppie, 17 bicycles, 19 chickens and 40 passengers…..
AAWWHHHHH HELL No, this is a fancy rust bucket. 
Some facts about this boat that you didn’t know you wanted to know are:
It’s 194 meters long (twice the length of a rugby field), it can carry 1400 people (1390 more followers than what I have on Instagram and twitter combined) and 500 cars (no Renault’s were harmed in this count).
It takes between 9 and 11 hours travelling at approximately 50km/h to travel the 429 km between Melbourne (Island 1) and Davenport (Island 2).
If you thought your Landrover was heavy on fuel sit back and balk at the 7000 liters used per hour to move this floating steel monstrosity.
(7000 * 10 = 70 000 per trip) . It has a fuel tank that holds 1,222,000 liters of fuel …..
One million hundred and twenty two hundred and two zero nil zero…… almost as much as Zuma’s Fire pool…..….. and at the current rate of $1.5 per litre of diesel is only just shy of $ 2 mil to fill up….. If you earn point on your credit card, there’s some banking blue bean points for you right there puppy.
As amazing as those facts are, education is boring if you don’t have an interesting story to tell with it. This may not be interesting but at least it’s a story. 😊
After we were aboard the boat, I called Trenticles and Spiderpig to one side and gave them $50 each with specific instructions.
Here are my almost exact words.
“Here is $50, this money is all that you are getting for the boat ride. It should cover, food, drinks and entertainment for the ENTIRE boat trip, which is only 10 hours, there is no more where that came from. Once you have spent it its gone, gonesky, finnish, done, don’t ask for more. Spend it wisely!!!  Repeat after me once its gone its gone, there is no more after that”
Trenticles was like shap, shap, see you later dude I’m gonna see what’s what on this floating tub.
Spiderpig’s eyes glazed over, he walked away dragging his feet like someone had super-glued his ass cheeks together. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it’s very hard to generate static electricity on a metal boat… With that done it was time to find the bar and smash a couple beers with wonder woman and the become acquainted with the rest of the gang. Things were going swimmingly well, I was on my third beer and my personality was starting kick in like a KTM almost starting. At some point they announced that food was being served in the kitchen and for $17 you can dish as much on your plate as you can. Amazingly Spiderpig was hovering around when this happened. He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled “hurumph, I’m not that hungry anyway”.
I tried to ignore it, Wonder Woman’s eyes drifted in his direction and she was about to ask if he was feeling ill as that’s the only reason he wouldn’t be eating..
He didn’t have the pallor of a sea sick person, he did look hungry, and he was hanging around like a hyena at a lion kill.
Something was off.
Lucky for us, and you dear reader, this was not a game of “What’s wrong with Spiderpig?”
Trenticles and Thumbelina already had the answer. They volunteered this information it without any prompting. You see, in the arcade room, there was a claw machine filled with “teddys”. It’s claw reached out and hooked spiderpig luring him in, tempted by the elation of success and a fluffy toy to cling too in these turbulent seas, he tried his luck at a $1 pop , 30 times……..30 frikken times….
The boy was broke. And as far as I was concerned he was going to die of starvation on the boat.
It was like watching a national geographic documentary, when a cute hyena pup, with his adorable watery brown eyes sounds the occasional soft whine to get the attention of its mother while avoiding the bloated dominant male, he was persistent and ended up getting food from someone.
All of this drama and we were only in the middle of the bass strait which, fun fact, has an average depth of only 60m.

Eventually we landed in Davenport, it was a short 2 km ride to the accommodation that we had booked for the first night.
The kids were hungry (go figure) so wonder woman went off to get Maccas. I went off to check us in and we were going to have an early night. Standing at the check-in counter The Burn was informed that her room was not booked. She smiled, looked down at her booking paper, looked back up, back down and said “Fack”.
Her room was booked….for the day she booked the room. A month in the past…..LOL. 
No problemo we can fix that. She can sleep in our room. The proprietor of the estate was happy with that and hey presto, donesky, probem solved!!
I called wonder woman to let her know the situation, our room number and the directions etc…..
Its 21:00 Saturday evening. Its been a long bat trip and I’m pretty sure that it wont be an issue. As she answers the phone all I hear is “Fuuuuuck!!!” Turns out that one of our offspring had spilt a 500ml coke in the car…….it was now my turn to say it…..“Eish”…. Everyone’s in a bad mood and its only day one…..

[ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS]

he walked away dragging his feet like someone had super-glued his ass cheeks together.

 

[zebra - Flying Brick]

...there are more...


Things were going swimmingly well, I was on my third beer and my personality was starting kick in like a KTM almost starting....

and...

He didn’t have the pallor of a sea sick person, he did look hungry, and he was hanging around like a hyena at a lion kill....

Look, he really does write very, very well!