Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register

Author Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga  (Read 35543 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Mr Zog

  • Well fuck me, I'm a
  • Forum Whore
  • ****
  • Bike: Honda XL500S
    Location: USA
  • Posts: 7,772
  • Thanked: 419 times
  • Without the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #660 on: June 25, 2020, 02:43:00 am »
...there are more...


Things were going swimmingly well, I was on my third beer and my personality was starting kick in like a KTM almost starting....

and...

He didn’t have the pallor of a sea sick person, he did look hungry, and he was hanging around like a hyena at a lion kill....

Look, he really does write very, very well! :thumleft:

That he does... I was pissing myself laughing  :imaposer:
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #661 on: July 01, 2020, 12:01:42 pm »
Tazzie Tour Part 2

On the second day, God Created the Sky, and unbeknownst to me unlike God, I have been wrong on a biblical scale before, many times, and this is was another one of those occasions. On our Second Day, a couple eons before the first second day, on the Island where a cousin could be your Uncle and your brother at the same time,  The-Barrister and mommy-ride-to left early to collect their daughter Thumbelina 2.0 from the airport, The cage’ers (our party travelling in cars) were off to Straughn (said like Stroh rum, but without the dry heaves) while the rest of us were left to follow skinny-giant.
I’m not sure if I missed the riders briefing that morning or if there was some sort of telepathy thing going on but I had no idea where we were going, when we were going to stop or even how far we were going for the day. Essentially I was an excited blind man following the wrong Labrador into a duck pond.
Maer-Reuse (Skinny Giant) woke up in full holiday mode, which means that every side road, coffee shop and cloud was an opportunity to stop. Apparently there was a general route planned and the destination was not important it was apparently more about the ride. We had been riding for approximately 20 minutes when skinny-giant saw a signboard for a dam in the region of “Nowhere Else” and decided to do a u-turn to take a-look and eat some food… stop there and read that last sentence again.. 20 minutes we hade been riding….. 20……And that’s where the kak started.…@0 minutes into a 2000km ride and Bones decided invest in Tazzie and bought the first of her two farms. Her first purchase was an extravagant and unexpected move. After advice from skinny giant to not fall, she promptly turned her steering full tilt, pulled the front brake placed her foot on loose gravel performing a dismount that would be tough to repeat. Being the graceful swan that that she is, half way through her disembarking procedure she executed a perfect backwards roly-poly ending on her feet. Had the Judging panel that consisted of myself and Surname-Surname had number boards I’m sure she would have achieved a high 8 out of 10 as two points were deducted for instability on finishing up.

We Camped in Different places some of them very nice some not so much. The riding and was excellent, and if you ever get the chance to ride in Taszzie do it. Its corner heaven and dare I say that at some point you actually just want a straight piece of tar. One of the many memorable patchs of road was from Arthur River to Corinna, its 100km of dirt road that will get your blood pumping, there are exhilarating sections where it’s possible to do 100km/h low flying over long undulating humps and then realizing that the 25km/h sign board you just passed was not a suggestion. Climb on the anchors, back wheel at full lock, white knuckle, shit-in-your-pants moments and then open up again. I had moments of pure bliss, screaming in my helmet to slow down but go faster. All too soon this pass was over, I would have turned around and done it again if not for my shaking legs and the rest of tazzie to go round. While I waited for the other 5 bikes I made myself comfortable guessing names of trees and doing push-ups. Eventually an hour and a bit later they pulled-up looking dusty but happy and mostly in one piece. Mommy-ride-to who was packed like a llama ready to ascend Everest , huge respect to being able to pack the two centre aisles of Woolworths on that bike and then being able to ride it, had a oh-shit-wrong-gear-its-too-late-now moment had to lay a deposit on a farm with a view at the top of a hill. Already invested in Tazzie property bones decided that the view was worth the investment and lay her bike down next to mommy-ride-to’s. Not wanting to miss out on an investment opportunity and looking to build some “gees” or spirit into his Iron Steed, surname-surname flippantly ignored the 25km/h signboard and decided to practice his high-side-ejection technique. Unfortunately this only really works on tar with grippy tyres, his result was far less spectacular than a motor GP 235km/h 300m slide, but, his bike was scratched and his ankle was swollen. Tick the box for “gees”.
Stories of near death experiences, in the desolate and harsh western Tasmania will be told to many young gullible Sheela’s in order to coax them to his room for late night scar inspections… you go boy!!!! 
That night around the campfire, voltaren was handed out like smarties to the fallen and old. We listened to entertaining stories started by the knight, interrupted and placed in correct sequential order and finished by mommy-ride-to.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2020, 12:05:12 pm by BOZO »
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #662 on: July 01, 2020, 12:27:36 pm »
Tazzie Part3 fin..

After spending some days with the 4 other bikes I needed some alone time, and also just to ride more than 40km without stopping for coffee or to look at a cloud.
I found the ladies some 300km away and was greeted by people that are not keen to camp. They had had a few terrible nights camping in the mud and had got little sleep, so when I met them they were short on humour and tired of cranky phone addicted sloths that were barely able to operate a tin opener. Camping is fun if you get to a site and setup then spend a couple of nights there. Setting up and breaking down camp every day is, how do I say, taxing on the soul. By the second last day even though in good spirits, it was enough, the laughter was short lived and the conversations were strained. Every time l looked for the kids I found spiderpig bent over a charging pole watching Chinese cartoons on youtube, Thumbelina was happily chatting away and making food for the boys and Trenticles walking in circles trying desperately not to look bored but failing miserably. The Burn who had said before this trip started “I hate camping, the only way I camp is to glamp” was starting to doubt her sanity and was looking for someone to blame for making her do this shit. Her one-times-flaming-red-hot-check-me-out-imma-inna-Mercedes-BenZ-baby had one cleanish spot where Thumbelina had cleaned it with a wet wipe also looked like it wanted to go home. Me, I was in heaven, tinned food, beer, no tv and in the bush. This holiday was drawing to a close all too soon.
We made our way back to Davenport (did you know that synonyms davenport are couch, sofa, futon) to board the Ferry which had one last surprise for us.
After we had borderededed and set sail the captain came on the speaker system and announced that there was “significant weather for the way home”. This means, take sea sick tables and prey. Obviously we did not do this. We had a couple of beers and chatted in one of the bars while the waves got bigger and bigger. As in we were in the bar on the 5th floor, when I popped out for a smoko and to look out at the rough sea the swells were about 3 stories high. I shit you not.  Eventually it was becoming difficult to walk down the passage. And that’s when everyone decided to go to bed. I slept like a log. The rocking of the boat was AWESOME. As it pitched in is seesaw motion I was lulled off to dreamland where I spent the night dreaming of our next adventure and taking a dump in my own toilet.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #663 on: July 05, 2020, 12:16:28 am »
My documentation of our Tazzie trip was dismal to say the least and I suppose I will need to revisit it to add some spice. Promise!!! 8)
My next one is about food and although I'm not food critic like Barry Ronge is to movies**. I think I did an ok job.
Thanks for Reading.

** I bet he would be a good food critic as well.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #664 on: July 05, 2020, 01:07:34 am »
This last week I was off to Sydney to do some computer’er’es work.
The one thing about travelling for work is I get to choose whatever chow I like. All this time that we have been on the island we have maybe been out for dinner twice and having something like takeout is rare, rare like a loved red headed stepchild, or a RENAULT that still runs after the warrantee has ended.
AAAAANNNNHOOOOO While I was in Shitney I took full advantage of the situation and fed myself on MacDonald’s like a starving pig eating leftover birthday cake from a trough.
Each night when I was in bed watching TV the feeling of guilt, over stuffing my face with macca’s, wracked my body with the shivers, just enough for the delicious pickles to slip out between the bun and the patty and fall onto the white hotel linen. Lucky for me I had asked for extra pickles so I didn’t have to put the remote down to continue gorging on this scrumptious junk food.  :drif:
When I returned home I boasted to wonder woman of the numerous nutrient filled meals I had eaten. When she asked for specifics it was easier to say.
“Each day I alternated between the left and right side of the menu, as in the entire left side, and entire right side”.  :)
While lying in bed that night, my sins of gluttony prevailed and liquid fire rushed up my pharynx incinerating everything along its path along with my will to live.
My complaints of heart burn and feeling bloated fell on deaf ears and I was left hopeless and alone with no obvious path to ask for at least a belly rub*…..
*note to self, timing and order are important in the quest for night-time kinky-time. 

Wonder Woman is currently on a work sabbatical so the next day she took the time to whip up a good old home cooked meal.
For those that don’t know Wonder Woman. This is a rare occasion and cause for involuntary Nystagmus and perspiration from the inhabitants that dwell in the same abode.  :eek7:
Lucky for us she has moved beyond boiled fish and veg in one pot and I was excited to be getting home to chow down.
Due to my excessive bread intake over the previous days and wanting to eat healthy and have a carbohydrate free meal Wonder Woman had made Lamb shoulder with onions, red cabbage, cauliflower and carrots.
Some extra spices were added that made for an inviting aroma as I walked into the house after a hard days slog at the grindstone.
Eventually after salivating like a dog for an hour it was time to eat. We sat down at the table and tucked in. I was halfway through my meal, having an enlightening conversation with spiderpig about school and the tribulations that teens face today. I glanced down at my fork and noticed a cherry tomato on my plate, which I proceeded to add to my combo on my already stacked fork.
My sub-conscience tried to stop me there by saying “Hey that’s odd! Only one cherry tomato in a whole meal!! Who does that?”.  :o
I can’t really multitask that well and I decided to ignore my brain and listen to my stomach instead. I popped that sucker right into my feeding trap. The soft tender lamb combined with the crunchy carrot, cauliflower and red cabbage was so good it was giving me goosebumps. While I was masticating this mouthful, Spiderpig was continuing his story. “and now the naplan tests need to be retaken because….”
That’s when I bit into this so called “cherry tomato”, it gave an expected satisfying pop, the warm mushy liquid filled my mouth, coating my tongue and I chewed two maybe three times before I swallowed.
All of a sardine Spiderpig’s voice was drowned out by the sound of blood rushing through my ears to the top of my head.
I looked at Wonder Woman and spiderpig through tearing eyes not understanding what was happening to me. They both reciprocated by looking at me in horror, and misunderstanding.
Just managing to draw enough breath to not pass out, I launched myself across the kitchen to the sink that was filled with oily soapy water.
At this point I was willing to slurp dirty dishwater in my mouth and swirl it around until the illogical burning stopped.
I had, in fact, not eaten a “cherry tomato” I had nonchalantly, and unknowingly, popped what can only be described as a red death ball chilli into my gob and eaten it like a fat kid eats a twinkie.
I was standing there red faced, with a sudden case of hyperhidrosis disorder, breathing fire and still confused as to what was happening to me when wonder woman realized what was going on….. you see some time ago, Nicola The Burn, had given us some chillies that were in her words.
“fucken hot, I cant eat them, so be careful!”
To understand how hot she likes her chillies have a look at her Facebook pictures, in the middle to end of winter she is still brown. That’s not from the sun pal that’s from chillies burning her from the inside out.!!!!!....
Heeding her words I had put them in the deep freeze to be used sparingly...
Wonder Woman had added a chilli (from The Burn) to the Lamb, to “add some flavour”…...and then she forgot that she had done that, until just then!!
While I was standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, flailing around and gagging like a cat choking on a fur ball, Wonder Woman burst out laughing, tears streaming down her cheeks trying desperately to say sorry but failing dismally. Spiderpig was also enjoying my apparent extreme discomfort and was helplessly guffawing at his end of the table.
Eventually the pain subsided, my eyes cleared, the blood drained from my skull, and I was able to complete my meal. Even though wonder woman promised that she had only placed one chilli in the food every fork full following “the incident” was closely inspected by both myself and spiderpig.
One would think that the story ends there, but that death ball chilli had another surprise instore for me. It decided that if its gonna burn on the way in then, sure as hell its gonna burn on the way out. I currently have a bum like a Chinese’s flag and I’m wondering if you really can insert a square peg (ice cube) into a round hole.
Have a Good Weekend!!!!
ZOY
Off to buy a $3 bag of round ice cubes.!!!!
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 
The following users thanked this post: halfjob

Offline ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS

  • Forum Vendor
  • Castrated Dog
  • ******
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 31,015
  • Thanked: 685 times
    • dustriders.co.za
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #665 on: July 05, 2020, 10:19:09 am »
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :lol8:
MOTORCYCLE ACCESSORIES RETAILER
info@dustriders.co.za
ENDURISTAN SOFTLUGGAGE IMPORTER
www.dustriders.co.za
 

Offline Mr Zog

  • Well fuck me, I'm a
  • Forum Whore
  • ****
  • Bike: Honda XL500S
    Location: USA
  • Posts: 7,772
  • Thanked: 419 times
  • Without the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #666 on: July 05, 2020, 11:28:27 pm »
Put the bog roll in the deep freeze and wipe with copious amounts of vanilla ice cream  :imaposer:
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
 

Offline Sam

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Honda XRV 750 Africa Twin
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 717
  • Thanked: 83 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #667 on: July 06, 2020, 11:01:17 am »
'kin hilarious!!!
 

Offline RrP

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #668 on: July 06, 2020, 03:27:09 pm »


Sent from my SM-N970F using Tapatalk

 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #669 on: July 09, 2020, 09:29:15 pm »
Yesterday we re-entered 6 more weeks of lockdown....urgh.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Sam

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Honda XRV 750 Africa Twin
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 717
  • Thanked: 83 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #670 on: July 10, 2020, 10:20:18 am »
Saw that. Quite hectic.Sterkte
 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #671 on: July 13, 2020, 12:35:21 am »
We are into lockdown again. :o
Wonder Woman has lost her job, SpiderPig has an extra week of holidays the weather is KAK and its rego time again ($700 per vehicle).
There are positives however, while wonder woman is jobless I have her gainfully “employed” doing hard labour in the garden. (pictures to follow)
The thing that is on my mind the most at the moment is Trenticles…….
You see he is turning 18 in August.  8)
It’s his last year of school and he had dreams of travelling the world and working for a couple of years before returning to the island, or not.
He has been working since he was 16 and has been saving 60% of everything he has earned. Which is commendable if you ask me.  ;)
So those plans have been put to one side and we will see what he does.
For his plans in a not so distant future, he wanted to get his driver’s license, and has been working hard to build up the 120 hours needed to qualify for the test.
That’s also been put on the back burner as there is a massive backlog which will now be even greater.
More importantly his big wish for his 18th was to be able to go out to a pub with Wonder Woman and myself and slot a couple pints. (obviously on my account)
To make his transition into adult-hood a memorable one I will be visiting our South African shop and purchasing a couple 1kg rump steaks, pap and a case or two Castle’s  :drif:
I will wrap the keys for flappy paddles in a box, which will be handed over in a 4 person gathering….. (nothing like giving a present that cant be used  :imaposer: )

Lucky this will not last forever and those opportunity’s will still be there on the other side of this.

Some light-hearted stuff to follow
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 
The following users thanked this post: halfjob

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #672 on: July 13, 2020, 04:49:33 am »
As life quietens down in the land of the lazy and boring my new exciting experiences about what’s happening around me are dwindling faster than a fully charged battery on a two-year-old phone. To be honest to build some excitement and controversy I have even been looking at LandRovers on the sly.
I was going through my old letters the other day, undertaking some editing, you know, small things like, spelling, grammar, anger issues, and I realized that the last time I mentioned anything about the actual island was a while ago. #NotThatItReallyMattersAnyWay…..
Surprisingly, nothing new has developed, life’s loop is the same. It rains 1mm more than the usual and it makes the news.
A eucalyptus tree, basically the only thing that grows on the island and a koala’s home, falls over from a gust of wind in Western Australia and SES (state emergency services) receives 200 phone calls, this continental event makes the news in Victoria 4000km away.
We have quickly (if you can call 3 years quick) and unwittingly become accustomed to this type of life. This dawned on me a few weeks ago when I received a wasssap from my mother informing me of the excitement happening down the road from their house. In the middle of a starless cold dark night (load shedding) in deep dark Africa (Benoni) they awakened to a cacophony of activity, shots fired, security company cars racing around the hood, dogs barking and people shouting.
I can just see my old lady, her two little portable brooms barking and snorting at her ankles, hair in disarray, smudged glasses perched on the end of her nose, standing in her gown, peering through a gap in the curtains.
Whispering loudly to my old man, in his trackie dacks, stokies and an old grey shirt standing at the gate desperately struggling to see what going on.  ;D ;D
After a flurry of messages back and forth between Africa and the Island, it was determined that the baddies got away and the good guys got to live to fight the good fight.
Meanwhile here on the island in the nanny state the debate is raging on about making all motor cyclists wear high visibility vests.
Which is ok if you ride a KTM as you look like a road cone anyway.  :pot:
The rest of us are a little peeved about it.. See what I mean? Boring.!! ANNNYYYYYYHOOOOO….. let’s not get lost in the details about high fashion of wannabe grizzly biker boy gangs looking like portable landing strips and lets delve into the details of something fun to laugh at.
About 2 weeks ago, it was school holidays, spiderpig retreated into his burrow, only to emerge twice a day to shit and eat, sometimes he combined these events into one and we would not see him, we knew he was alive when we could hear him scratching in the cupboard down stairs like a pig snuffling for truffles.
Trenticles, started the holiday with sitting us down to clear up the rules of engagement. What time did he have to be home, how often could he sleep out, how much pocket money would he get.
After that we never saw him, although, there were two phone calls asking for confirmation of payment date and time of said pocket money.
Just as Wonder Woman and I were getting used to having no kids, Trenticles dropped a bomb asking if he could have a “gath” at our place…… A “gath” pronounced “gaafh” is short for “gathering” or “get together”.
Most people have “gath’s” when its warm, not five degrees, teenagers on the other hand, have these meetings whenever they can, and, I tend to agree, why the hell not!!! 
These kids collected in the garden, I had the fire pit going and using old pallets as fuel that managed to keep the polar bears at bay.
Unfortunately, aussie kids don’t like to have parents in their company, we are apparently only good to provide the venue, food, beverages, accommodation and music.  :'(
Eventually we got the hint and made ourselves scarce for the evening and sneaked into bed at a respectable 9 pm (I know right---waaayyyyyy passed my bedtime). 
By now if you have got this far and you are starting to wonder where it all went wrong right? Some of you will know this by now and some wont but people aged between 12 and 20 something can sleep like a hibernating bear.
Armed with this knowledge and the fact that it was cold and raining outside we decided to have a late morning.
Reading i-pads, catching up on Facebook. etc etc etc. (no patla patla however).  :'(
I eventually went down to make coffee, assess the situation and deliver the prognosis back to wonder woman.  (Not Pretty)
After a short discussion we decided that the wise move would be to leave the house for a few hours and hope that it would be cleaned to a respectable degree by the time we returned.
Wonder Woman had just climbed out of the shower and was standing in the middle of the room, starkers, naked as the day she was born, towel already hanging in the bathroom.
When we heard the tell-tale sounds of someone ascending the stairs…........ :o
I just want to break away from this story quickly. These are wooden stairs, so they make a distinct sound.
When Spiderpig ascends stairs, he does it with as little effort and silently as humanly possible, the sound effect would be something similar to a killer creeping up behind you in a dark tunnel.
When Trenticles ascends the stairs its usually accompanied with some sort of aliment, a sore toe, cracking his elbow against balustrade, slipping on a step and some kind of running commentary.
This time the noise coming up the stairs was none of the sounds we knew.  :eek7:
I looked up from my i-pad at wonder woman, our eyes locked while the realization of what was happening set in and all I could see was panic.  :lol8:
She was mid panty hoist, one leg in one leg out, hopping on one bare foot. The sound of this person ascending the stairs was now crystal clear, it was like bigfoot in a hurry, let me tell you bigfoot was in for a surprise of his life.  :biggrin:
Even though time had frozen for wonder woman, there was no denying what was going to happen, she was trying furiously to get her panties to crotch height, but a wondering big toe had a different plan and had hooked into the fabric and was putting up a good fight like a prize tigerfish on the line fighting for its life in lower Zambezi.
All this time, wonder woman’s face went from “oh Shit” to “oh shit ,shit, shit, shit!!”.  :imaposer:
Our mystery bigfoot had finally crested the stairs and entered the room at a semi-full tilt pace.
Wonder woman went limp, her big toe let go in defeat, and her face went thankfully placid as spiderpig crossed the threshold.
It was now his turn to realize what was happening. His mind caught onto what he was seeing seconds after his momentum thrust him through the door. While his weight was carrying him forward his head and body wanted to go in the opposite direction like a cat slipping onto a big bucket of water.
There was some uncomfortable mutterings and takkie squeaking until he was standing just outside the door.
I spent the next five minutes laughing at the situation. Lucky for you I didn’t promise not to share this story.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 
The following users thanked this post: halfjob

Offline roxenz

  • rocks make sense
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha Super Tenere
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 4,797
  • Thanked: 205 times
  • cheerful yesterdays and confident tomorrows
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #673 on: July 13, 2020, 07:58:13 am »
The tale of how Spiderpig learned to knock before entering... Lekker laugh thanks.!
 

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #674 on: July 15, 2020, 03:16:45 am »
While I sit here and watch java logfiles stream across my screen my mind is taken back into the past, and I’m having flashbacks of a movie, where we are shown a skinny guy inappropriately named Tank, sitting on a chair aimlessly watching lots of green letters falling down his screen. He told Neo it was called “the matrix” and that was when Keanu Reeves was just a semi. When I say semi I’m talking about superstar not the other kind.
For those who have not watched “The Matrix”, please catch a cab to the closest Renault dealer and buy a car, your life might aswell be shit anyway.
To remind the rest of you beautiful people. A quick summary of the matrix: 
Neo, our hero, was sucked from a machine that was draining the life out of him (along with the rest of the human race). Once the amniotic fluid was drained from his lungs he was told that “he has been rescued” from a place called “the matrix” by some people that thought they knew better. They then fed him gruel (probably made from the leftover amniotic fluid) and kept putting him back into “the matrix” to remind him that he was now screwed no matter what choice he made, they also kept telling him that he was the chosen one, and the hero. It’s not all bad though. At least in his life, the middle to the end part anyway, he could upload operating instructions on karate, jujitsu and tri-kan-doo to name a few, he was called Mr Anderson by an unrelenting duplicating force, he had a girlfriend that wore HAAWWWTTT latex in public, his life coach was called Morpheus that wore sunglass with no arms and he met a wise all-knowing old black lady called “the oracle”…who coincidently chose to live in captivity in the matrix…. Go-figure… there was a lot of bullets, bright lights and not even once did his chick break a sweat or split her incredibly tight pants. Neo never smiled and to be honest, it doesn’t matter what happens in the end anyway as that’s got nothing to do with my story. Which will obviously be “cooler” for want of a better word. Although please be warned, there is no latex, no girlfriend and no bullets. If the order was changed and there was a girlfriend and latex I’m pretty sure there would be bullets.
Ok so where was I, Ah yes! I’m watching java log files scroll on the screen and my mind has drifted. After three years two months and fifteen days of being on the island we have finally found an affordable way to watch sport. I feel like the piece that has been missing for so long from my life has been delivered back to me. I even woke up early on Sunday morning to sit on the couch and flick through sports channels, I watched reruns of the rugby, I watched the golf channel I even watched the fishing channel for a while before wonder woman started hinting about shopping to feed the eating machines. With my life almost finally in balance I have the opportunity to be excited about supporting a sport I can actually watch again. Which means that I can fully support a team again and that’s where the problem lies. You see when I support a team they start to lose. For example. When I first started supporting the Lions they were the ultimate rugby team, they won the Currie cup, the Super Ten and they beat a vising England team in one year. As soon as I announced my support they fell apart like leper riding a bicycle down a cobbled street. Being a tenacious supporter, I helped them all the way to the bottom of the log and eventually almost got them kicked out of the super rugby competition. Eventually I had to change my allegiance and after a boys weekend away after great debate I started supporting the blue bulls. They too suffered the same fate, and we watched them plummet to the same depths of despair. Eventually I screwed the sharks over aswell, although I really did a good job on them as they will probably never recover.
So now my friends I am caught in a conundrum, the rugby world cups is only a few short weeks away, I can now watch these games and enjoy them, my heart can join my liver and be free from any cares in the world. The question is who do I openly support? Who gets to stand in the path of the cruciatus curse? I can’t see myself pulling a wallabies jersey over my head and still have friends. I could possibly put on an England shirt in support of my mates that live there, or even in a tactical move, I could actually support New Zealand and possibly tip the favour in the direction of the green and gold…….
In the words of Dr. Shad Helmstetter
“If you were given only one choice: To choose or not to choose, which would you choose?”
My java log files have stopped scrolling so I’m choosing to go back to work.
But I will leave you with this fun time activity and advice: don’t end up becoming the pot plant.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 
The following users thanked this post: halfjob

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #675 on: July 16, 2020, 01:18:28 am »
Some feedback needed please.
So I have finally assembled all of my stories into a book format.
After some research on this matter I have found the following.
"Pocket Books" are normally between 60k and 100k words.
A good length is about 85k words.
Problem is that at the moment I have 110k words so with some additions that I still need to add there will possibly be about 160k so that's good for 2 books (eek) that one person can write so muck kak is scary  :imaposer:
The intention is that one would not sit down and read this cover to cover in an afternoon, my hope is one would read one or two "chapters" a week and then comeback and continue.

The feedback I'm looking for is if you were to name this book what would you call it? I have a name in mind but I don't want to influence you.
I think that some of the stories ended to abruptly or just lacked chutzpah, do you agree?
Which of the stories that you have read are just plain kak.
Thanks in advance for the feedback........

Oh Ja,, one more thing. I would like to print the first part in book format and send it to my parents as a xmas present.



"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BigEd

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: NER-A-CAR
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 1,969
  • Thanked: 65 times
  • Panorama, Cape Town
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #676 on: July 16, 2020, 07:06:08 am »
Regarding the book - I have zero usable input...sorry. I can be quite useless sometimes.

Regarding the potplant - my buddy says in his next life he won't have kids. Rather a plastic potplant. Just to have a rest...
81 XT500 (sold) 82 GPZ550 (sold)
04 XL650V Transalp (sold) 01 XL1000V Varadero (sold)
88 DR750s Dr Big (sold) 01 R1150GS BMW (sold)
84 XT600 Tenere 34L (sold)
?? Trek 6000 flippen martelpyp (current)
 

Offline jogi_c

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #677 on: July 16, 2020, 10:00:28 am »
Contact @LeonDude , he publishes his own books and can give you some pointers
 
The following users thanked this post: BOZO

Online BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 952
  • Thanked: 50 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #678 on: July 17, 2020, 06:55:20 am »
Regarding the book - I have zero usable input...sorry. I can be quite useless sometimes.

Regarding the potplant - my buddy says in his next life he won't have kids. Rather a plastic potplant. Just to have a rest...
:imaposer:

I think thats pretty good advice. I struggle to grow a plant! So its a wonder that my Kids have made it this far.
Being an adult is hard..... I don't wanna any more.......
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Crankshaft

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 1290 Adventure R
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 661
  • Thanked: 64 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #679 on: July 17, 2020, 08:36:22 am »
 :sip:
KDX 200, YFZ 450, YZ 250F, YZ 450F, WR 450F, R1200GS LC, R1200GS ADV LC, 2nd R1200GS ADV LC
Current: WR 450F & KTM 1290 Sup Adv R