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Author Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga  (Read 47748 times)

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Offline mox

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #820 on: November 25, 2020, 07:39:41 pm »
This is great reading!
and I have the first book  :biggrin:, will wait for the second. Collectable
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #821 on: November 26, 2020, 12:21:20 am »
carelessly lazy..............................................................................why does he have to describe me!! ;) :peepwall: :lol8:

 :laughing4: :laughing4:
Must have missed this some how..
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #822 on: December 03, 2020, 10:29:15 pm »
The news broke midday Wednesday 25 November the borders (local not international) would be opened on the 1st of December 2020 to us deadly covid Victorians.
I was blissfully unaware of this as I’m sure so were you until this point. Sitting in my office chair nonchalantly tossing the ball for Roo-dog, trying to decipher an ex-colleague science project he left me after he resigned. The all too familiar sound of a teams meeting call came in, destroying my train of thought. My boss was on the line wanting to know what I was doing the next week, and was I open to travelling up to Queensland to visit some clients that needs some love and attention.
This posed an interesting conundrum for me, see I quite like Queensland, they don’t call it the sunshine state because the people are friendly and bring sunshine into your life, no they call it that because they have 283 days of that glorious yellow ball in the sky a year.  The Bourne however has A LOT less, and this was my problem. December 1 is the start of summer and according to the weather app also the start of more sun than rain in my village. I ummed and aahh’ed for a bout three minutes while I was checking the weather in Toowoomba, my destination, and just like that said yes, I’d be happy to travel. Home weather for the week would be between 18 and 22, Toowoomba would be between 27 and 40… Fucken YES PLEASE!!!! Heaven, come to me on a jet plane heading north to where the sun shines. 

After booking flights and accommodation etc etc, I start receiving e-mails from Qantas about social distancing, wearing masks at all times in and around the airport and that its regulation to wear a mask on the plane yada yada yada, yawn fest.  Eventually the first day of summer arrives and I’m off to the airport, I drive to the longterm car park and intend to park in my usual area, only to find its been closed off and a I should head off to a closer car park. Just to give you an idea of the size of the car park here is an extract from this article. Published 5 years ago. https://www.theage.com.au/national/victoria/airport-car-park-so-big-it-now-has-its-own-film-20151126-gl8xqj.html

Melbourne Airport has five car parks operating 24-7, including multi-storey short-term parking and paddocks of long-term spaces.
There are about 120,000 vehicle movements to and from the airport a day, servicing the 25,000-space car park.
The car park is constantly growing making it the largest in Australia and one of the largest in the world.
Prices were inflated, Marsh said – its cost $29 for two hours at the airport compared with $11 for two hours on-street parking in Melbourne's CBD, and directions at the car park could be confusing.
The airport car park is a hungry beast, gobbling up about $340,000 a day in charges.

Suck Me Sideways, $340 000 a day 365 days a year…….. that’s $124 million a year, convert that that to Ronds!
Well I contributed my $60 to that slush fund and trotteled off to catch my plane, safe in the knowledge that it would be comfortable as there would be social distancing on board the metal tube that would take me to warmer places.
AWWW HELLLL NO!!! The aviation industry does what it likes, the plane was absolutely jam packed, and even more so due to everyone being slightly fatter after 6 months of quarantine. There we were sardines packed tightly into this sweaty tube, wearing masks like good little minions. Here is the kicker, when they bring round snacks and drinks, you can take your mask off. Obviously covid does not transfer while you are eating and drinking in a small confined space with the same infected  air continuously recirculating. Oh I almost forgot, if you are in business class you don’t really have to wear a mask. Hmmmmmm comments?

Eventually the plane bumps down in Brizzy (that’s what the locals call it) and I emerge into the sunlight its 10:00 in the morning and its 27 degrees. Bliss.
My chauffeur (work colleague) picked me up and we were off on the 2 hour drive to our final destination.

So what can I tell you about Toowoomba, well it looks like the freestate, its so hot that the sweat on my balls was sweating. Oh, I’ve been told that its also the second biggest inland town on the island with a population of approx. 140 000 people. You can drive for 5 minutes and you are out of the town, you can pick a dirt road and just go…..
I love it, I think I’m going to buy a place here.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline IanTheTooth

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #823 on: December 04, 2020, 03:58:54 am »
Yes Bozo, Australia is on the move. Not to a booze and drug fuelled bout of hedonism in Bali but to clean living family values Queensland QLD. I have just booked a local special to Hamilton Island this weekend (ferry, hotel, facilities $140 each) and it will be the last for a long time while Melbourne and Sydney spend themselves out. I was struck by Towoomba, You climb up to the top of the great dividing range where Towoomba sits on the top and on one side is endless eucalyptus forest stretching down to the coast and on the other is the dry parched plains of the outback. When I went there the wind was so cold my balls had shrunk back into my abdomen.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2020, 04:06:52 am by IanTheTooth »
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #824 on: December 04, 2020, 08:15:28 am »
Bozo, just wondering... did your family read your book at all? :pot: :peepwall:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #825 on: December 05, 2020, 12:00:50 am »
Yes Bozo, Australia is on the move. Not to a booze and drug fuelled bout of hedonism in Bali but to clean living family values Queensland QLD. I have just booked a local special to Hamilton Island this weekend (ferry, hotel, facilities $140 each) and it will be the last for a long time while Melbourne and Sydney spend themselves out. I was struck by Towoomba, You climb up to the top of the great dividing range where Towoomba sits on the top and on one side is endless eucalyptus forest stretching down to the coast and on the other is the dry parched plains of the outback. When I went there the wind was so cold my balls had shrunk back into my abdomen.
The big money from Sydney and Melbourne is what keeps these little towns ticking over. Even though it sucks I suppose that’s just the way that the world works.

Toowoomba is what I imagined Australia to be like. It’s my kind of town. Lucky for me I have a big project there for the next couple of months. Even better for me it’s happening over the hottest time of the year.



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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #826 on: December 05, 2020, 12:05:52 am »
Bozo, just wondering... did your family read your book at all? :pot: :peepwall:
Yes and no, they have been on the mailing list. So in that regard yes. But the books I had made as Xmas gifts which they will receive soon enough.
My kids have not read 50% of the letters so it should be a good surprise for them.
I do endeavour to use big words in my future stories so that I can at least educate them beyond Instagram language.


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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #827 on: December 05, 2020, 08:27:23 am »
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :thumleft:
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Offline Blou Zebu

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #828 on: December 05, 2020, 03:17:52 pm »
Hey @BOZO
Ive been living n Madagascar since 2013, but its not as funny as your story.

How is it going with the friendship things? I also find it is very tough to make friends. The get excited about rice and beans, I get excited about huge pieces of meat on the fire.

One of the things that can help is joining some kind of club where you learn to play the accordion, do charity work, whatever, soemthing that you can pour some time and effort in to where you are "forced" to interact with the same people over a period of months and slowly build a common history

Anyway, good luck
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #829 on: December 07, 2020, 02:37:46 am »
Hey @BOZO
Ive been living n Madagascar since 2013, but its not as funny as your story.

How is it going with the friendship things? I also find it is very tough to make friends. The get excited about rice and beans, I get excited about huge pieces of meat on the fire.

One of the things that can help is joining some kind of club where you learn to play the accordion, do charity work, whatever, soemthing that you can pour some time and effort in to where you are "forced" to interact with the same people over a period of months and slowly build a common history

Anyway, good luck

Ya building Friendships is hard, especially when you have that cultural difference. I suppose once you realize that its not going to change it makes it easier.
I had plans this year to join the lawn bowls club up the road.
This my have an older crowd but I'm ok with that, I find it eaiser to chat to semi-retired people as alot of them dont give a crap about being politically correct or being sensitive.
They just say it as it is and move on.  :thumleft:
Not that I'm making excuses but when we moved into the new neighborhood a year ago, the island caught fire, then covid put a big ass spanner in the works, wonder woman lost her job and I needed to put in extra hours to make ends meet.
Fast forward 12 months and finally we can see the wood through the trees.  :)
Mentally, my dark dog has retreated to rest and I'm ready to take myself out of my comfort zone and see what happens.
Its a big and scary step but one that I know I need to make.

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Offline jaybiker

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #830 on: December 07, 2020, 07:58:37 am »
Yeah, it's true, as you get older you don't give a crap about what you think or say meeting anyone's approval.

Furthermore, no one else gives a shit what you think or say either.  :(
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #831 on: December 10, 2020, 10:23:54 pm »
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh, I'm a blogger now... look at me ma.  ;D
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #832 on: December 10, 2020, 10:27:57 pm »
Quick note,
For those that have ordered books, please can you let me know if you have received them or not.
For the peeps that have a large amount of water between them and mzanzi please be patient as they are currently in a container somewhere.
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #833 on: December 15, 2020, 01:04:21 am »
I was about to give you an update on the happenings on the island.
It would seem that every time I'm about to post an update the world seems to spin faster.

In Short, we had a fox in the garden. So there may be some romance in the form of "fox and the hound"
We also went away for the weekend so there are some interesting stories there.

Also the books were apparently mailed last week.
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Offline Blou Zebu

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #834 on: December 15, 2020, 06:38:13 am »
I was about to give you an update on the happenings on the island.
It would seem that every time I'm about to post an update the world seems to spin faster.

In Short, we had a fox in the garden. So there may be some romance in the form of "fox and the hound"
We also went away for the weekend so there are some interesting stories there.

Also the books were apparently mailed last week.
a fox or a jackal? Not that I know the difference.
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #835 on: December 17, 2020, 11:48:06 pm »
They are about the same size, one you get in Africa, the other you dont, (i think, I'm too lazy to google that one)  :biggrin:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #836 on: December 17, 2020, 11:52:27 pm »
ahem..

**insert David Attenborough voice**

The red fox is the largest of the true foxes and one of the most widely distributed members of the order Carnivora, being present across the entire Northern Hemisphere including most of North America, Europe and Asia, plus parts of North Africa.

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #837 on: December 18, 2020, 05:27:46 am »
OK to continute on from the Toowoomba story.
 ;)
Fast forward a few days, happiness duly delivered to clients, and I’m back in the Nanny State of Victoria, people are still walking around in masks like there is some sort of pandemic going on all over the world.  :(
I spent some time, 5 minutes max, formulating my strategy to pitch the value of vitamin D and cheaper house prices to Wonder Woman.  O0

The tools I had decided to employ were:
•   Cunningly delivered hints dropped over the course of a few days,
•   a relatively good $5 bottle of wine decanted into an empty corked bottle I had been saving for an occasion just like this, and, most importantly
•   a shitty weather day.

Well I didn’t have to wait long before the grey clouds descended and an icy breeze blew gently enough to chill us to the bone.
Pouncing on the opportunity, like a fat kid eating sweets at a birthday party, I deftly removed Wonder Woman’s Jersey from the deep freeze, poured a generous amount of wine into one of her fishbowl sized glasses, and handed them over.
Obviously she was quite glad to have her jersey back as her teeth were chattering and the added bonus of a glass of “fancy” wine was enough to put me in a good light.  :headbang:
“So, Its prey cold hey.” I eased into my elevator pitch. “Not quite sure if you remember our conversation from yesterday when I was taking about the weather up north”
“Yes Love. How could I possibly forget? You have mentioned it like 40 times already” she responded with a slight eye roll.
Hmmm, had I possibly delivered too many hints to quickly? I thought to myself while surreptitiously closing the laptop with the 45 page power point containing photos of houses, opens spaces, a short statistical analysis of how sunshine can increase happiness and just for kicks, a quote from the removal company.

Problem is now that I had opened Pandora's box there was no way back. I might as well go big bang and just put it out there I pontificated.

Using my best sentence construction technique I blurted out
“Oh! Ya, Well, So, I was thinking that we should move up north, I can work remotely now and they need me there, and, you know, its nice.”
Shit that was not how it was supposed to go. :BangHead:

There was a moments silence, not long enough to hear crickets, but long enough to be noticeable...
She eyeballed me over the rim of her rapidly draining wine fishbowl, she took a larger than necessary sip and slowly, ever so slowly, retuned it to its place on the counter.
It was blatantly clear to me now that she had been expecting this conversation.
*slowly reopens the laptop hoping that the situation is not completely lost*
“My Darling, I think that that’s a great idea, but, its only really an option in three years’ time when Spiderpig finishes school” was her prepared response.
In psychology the first thing they teach you about delivering bad news is to use the sandwich technique, say something nice, deliver the bad news, close off the news with something nice.
So its good bad good. Get it?
Perceptibly Wonder Woman is still working on this as she forgot the last bit, or she is using the open sandwich method where you have to add your own good at the end.

I had a feeling that this was probably going to be the answer but, being an eternally hopeful person I only heard the first part. Which was “great idea” and “yes”.
WWOOOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOO see you later Melbourne you cold-covid-kak-stained-clustered-yuppie-coffee-drinking-shithole !!!!!!!. 
Hello sunshine, warm weather, open places, cheaper living costs and did I mention sunshine and warm weather?
Now if I can convince spiderpig to quit school I can accelerate the time table… (insert evil cackle here)
While work on that plan I thought I’d better share some additional news.
BRB....
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #838 on: December 18, 2020, 07:20:51 am »
When the weather is good I like to sit outside on the stoop and work, on this particular day not long ago I was participating in a software demo as a “product expert” (which means I just get to listen and answer any “difficult” questions. Almost like a doctor that looks in your ear and tells you that you have a urinary tract infection, but way cooler because the shit that I can invent in seconds is so good that even I believe it)
Annnnnnyyyyyhooooooooooo. There I was listening to some garb about IOT and PLM and how they form the Ying and Yang to the physical and digital world and yada yada fishpaste…
I was mindlessly throwing the ball for RooDog, when she started barking like she does when she is chasing a possum. ( an impossible task as the possum is on top of the wall, but, I give her kudos for commitment)
All of a sardine this Fox. Yes you read that correctly an actual “Vulpes Vulpes” was in my driveway, eyeballing RooDog.
The events that followed before us were short lived, mere seconds, but for this duo of man and dog, they took an eon and will forever be burned into our memories. Well mine anyway.

Think of a standoff, like in a cowboy movie.

*A banjo, being played by an old man with wrinkly skin and missing teeth, starts making ominous sounds in the background* A lone tumbleweed rolls slowly past the two dusty cowboys standing in the middle of the deserted main street in a one horse town. Its been a while since its rained adding to the already electric atmosphere. Parched, from having to leave his beer in the bar, no alcohol is allowed in the street, the first cowboy clears his throat. The second cowboy, standing downwind, gets a speck of grit in his eye and starts involuntarily blinking like he is having a spazz attack. *the banjo sounds suddenly stop, the cry of a bald eagle can be heard in the distance signalling imminent death* The camera pans to the left and pauses on the undertaker who is watching this scene with abject interest. In a flurry of movement, guns blaze and one or both of these brave men die... Unseen to the viewer a group of woman scream, possibly prostitutes that wont get paid, or the local embroidery club that just mastered the fishbone stich, I suppose we will never know, thieving tramps clean out the pockets of the dead and a lonely scrawny chicken scuttles off into the distance. With our hero laying on ground, the credits begin to roll up the screen leaving us breathless, disappointed and eager to watch the next movie to see what happens next.

That happened, well it almost did, Kinda.
*the dead south plays softly from the pc computer speaker* Several sticky resin covered oak tree leaves float down from the aging gargantuan tree above and land on my freshly swept driveway, RooDog, one of the main characters in this story, is not the bravest carnivore to have lived on this planet. In fact this “Canis lupus familiaris” or “dog” would much rather be sitting next to me snacking on chips or biltong scraps while watching tv than spending her precious time evicting four legged trespassers from our garden.
RooDog is standing in the driveway, her posture fixed in pointer mode, 100% motionless, the rubber gimp ball in her mouth muffling the growl or scream emerging from her throat. Her eyes, fixed on the weird looking red dog thing opposite her. This “fox”, also motionless, and holding her stare, somehow senses danger and instantly activates its hidden pufferfish button and doubles in size with a “poof”.
RooDog’s Pointer stance falters, she catches my eye and mentally sends a plea, no, more than a plea, more of a “FUUUUUCCKKK HEEELLLLPPP MEEEE!!!”  for help. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place, fascinated by the events unfolding before me, my covid fit body is slow to respond, and I don’t have time to take a picture, let alone shout to wonder woman to come and have a look!
Next thing RooDog, sensing that her survival is totally dependent on anything but me, breaks the standoff and runs towards danger, clearly she doesn’t take after me, barking furiously whilst still holding her gimp ball in her mouth.
Red Fox, now aptly named, slinky back, unleashes its second secret weapon in as many seconds and launches, not onto RooDog savagely ripping her to shreds but, vertically, onto the neighbours roof next door.
Both myself and RooDog, stopped, stumped by what we had just seen, stunned disbelief that a puffy fox called slinky back could jump that high.
Eventually the sound of a crow divebombing a cyclist passing by breaks the silence in warm the afternoon air. We both look up to see “slinky back” staring back at us, and I think to myself that if I was a dog and that happened to me I would be super impressed. 
This was a Cameron Dias running on the beach in Charlies Angels, moment.
I bet RooDog was thinking the same, and her ovaries we about to explode with excited doggy pheromones.
Slinky Back clearly used to this kind of thing turned and sauntered away over the crest of the roof and the moment was over.
For the next three nights we were on the lookout to see if slinky back would return, but I eventually had to explain to RooDog, over a biltong stick, that these Casanova types are as unreliable as RENAULTS, yes some are good looking but under the hood its just assembled bits of shit and she should set her sights on a bigger ball.
She nodded contently, drifting off to sleep while I tickled her tummy.

And so comes then end of another exciting year.
If you are with Family and friends enjoy your time together, spend the time laughing, hugging and creating happy memories.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #839 on: December 21, 2020, 02:43:30 am »
I thought we were at the end of the covid problems but it would seem that the island is about to hit its 3rd wave.  :(

After sitting in the lounge for the last 9 months we decided that I should build an office.
This is a win win win situation for Wonder Woman as she will get her space back and I wont get the beady eyeball when she looks at my desk. 8)
I committed to have this done by the 4th of Jan.. Eish brave. Especially as its just me building it on my ownsome
I was given the sliding door from a demolition, as well as the corrugated iron.
Below are some pictures of my progress.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z