Australia.... The Island Saga

[BOZO]

No "kat skiet" piekchas? You almost disappoint me...

Ha Ha Ha, Although this thread is not entirely PC, those pictures actually might earn me a suspension. 

[BOZO]

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…….
Actually it was not that long ago, and depending on where you are standing far far away is a relative term.
I won’t get into any technical jargon this early in this update. I feel it is my duty to not only not bore you but to educate you as-well.
Nothing like not not using a double negative in a sentence.... NOT!!!
 
I Wrote a LONG Story and Lost it all. (to say that I was a little upset is beyond me)
So here’s is a short version. I can’t be bothered to write it again. 
I have forced leave over December and Wonder Woman as per usual is working (I think I'm being done in here)
Over new year’s we (I) decided to go on a little outback tour.
THEGIT (that me), Spiderpig, and Trenticles. In the Suzuki (flappy paddles)……… Camping……. In the outback.
The planning portion went well…… I sat on the couch and asked the boys where they wanted to go, they looked up from their devices and shrugged and said… “the outback mate”
Their answer was not exactly inspiring….
Was I getting a taste of my own medicine?
Is this a sign of things to come?
What does my future hold?
These are the questions parents ask themselves when attempting to communicate with children attached to battery powered smart devices.
So I decided to try a different tack.
Attempt 2: Open google earth zoom onto Australia and try again.
It would seem shifting focus from device to device is easier than engaging with humans. Trenticles points to a spot in the middle of the Island close to Alice Springs and mumbles.
“That looks cool”, his eyes cloud over, his head drops back to his cell phone and I’ve lost him again. MAN I was so close.
Spiderpig is gonners, he will only come out of his room on four conditions, the internet is down, there is no power, he  needs to eat or needs to “slat ‘n monstor kak”.
“Looks Cool” is not a place the Suzuki can get too, “looks cool” is also about 4000km in one direction.
“Let’s try some other place?” I fruitlessly suggest to the top of Trenticles’s head…..
Sorry for you pal… I’m on my own. All their attention is lost and the best answer I can get from here on is “the outback”

And So we travelled, 2000km onto the edge of the outback.
The conversation on the trip was like rapid machine gun fire. Short blasts of noise, followed by, silence, the ticking of a cooling barrel and Christmas beetles.
The kids took their turns sleeping, looking bored and eating. I passed the time thinking of lots of topics to talk about including how difficult it must be to be Dr Spok and to be a cling-on.
We engaged in short fire yet gripping conversations about Life, Girls, Cartoons, School, Sport and what the future holds for us (them really).
A road trip with kids is great fun and causes one to leave behind Adult issues and look at life from a kids point of view. It really is great.
Except for the part where you have to drive and they get to sleep. In the 2000km that we covered the terrain changed about 3 times. As we left the city it was like the natal midlands with rolling hills and green grass plains, then into the free state where it’s so flat you can see until next Tuesday, after that it changed to the Karoo, the biggest difference is the size, its BIG, the grass plains go forever.
If you were to drive to Cape Town from Musina you will get a different view every 100 or so km. Here on the island you are not so lucky. I think that’s why the Aussies have a jittery eye when they start talking about the outback.
 
The Route was Melbourne, Mildura, Broken Hill, Wilcannia, Hay, Melbourne.
 
I don’t know where the saying ‘one horse town’ comes from but if you have never seen one come to the island and I can show you lots of them.
You can stand on one end of the town and see the other. 
Below is a Google Street view of a typical town that we passed through. That’s the town………
https://www.google.com.au/maps/@-35.6087149,142.5795411,3a,75y,92.51h,80.28t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1syf3TOV1oIRkOTw25_ZTfjA!2e0!7i13312!8i6656
Now go back and have a look at how much beer is outside the bar.
WHATTTTT………them outbackers can chuck a schooner back better than a student at a 21st with an open bar.
“If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I’d swim to the bottom and drink it all up.”   

At this point, I would like to go off topic a touch here.
**** this is like a thread hijack but that requires another willing participant, not its not really ****

This serves a triple purpose,
1. To give you a break from the outback,
2. To build a back story for my next section
3. And to keep some sort of consistency with the rest of the letters that I write.

Unlike JK Rowling I’m not going to write an entire chapter about Huffelpuff, Quiddich, Herminie Granger (hotty), Ginny or some Snowy owl called fishbreath.
I’m just building some context so that you can almost believe the rubbish you are reading.

More to Follow,,,,,,

[DUSTRIDERS]

My kinda town, it's so small you can hear the people gossiping about you!!

[BigEd]

Looks like the one horse left too...

[Pilchie]

Loving this thread - love your writing style and humour

[silvrav]

Reminds me of South west in the much older days - Town was a manual petrol pump, a little cafe and a house - you blink, you miss it 

[BOZO]

Ya these little towns are cool.
The pubs are the local meeting grounds. Lekker

[Wolzak]

Bozo as a matter of interest, is there any animosity towards your Kids at School because of their Nationality or even towards yourself?
I often wonder how the Aussies or Kiwis feel when some Saffers make them at Home but continue to support their Foe's Side in Sport etc, much like a Soutpiel of Yesteryear.
Not talking about yourself off course.

[BigEd]

Bozo as a matter of interest, is there any animosity towards your Kids at School because of their Nationality or even towards yourself?
I often wonder how the Aussies or Kiwis feel when some Saffers make them at Home but continue to support their Foe's Side in Sport etc, much like a Soutpiel of Yesteryear.
Not talking about yourself off course.

Wondered about that myself.

[DUSTRIDERS]

They say if you really want to stuff up your immigration to Aus when you arrive at customs you should answer the following after being asked how did you get in? Easy I have a criminal record I hear every one needs one to get in!!

[BOZO]

They say if you really want to stuff up your immigration to Aus when you arrive at customs you should answer the following after being asked how did you get in? Easy I have a criminal record I hear every one needs one to get in!!

[BOZO]

Bozo as a matter of interest, is there any animosity towards your Kids at School because of their Nationality or even towards yourself?
I often wonder how the Aussies or Kiwis feel when some Saffers make them at Home but continue to support their Foe's Side in Sport etc, much like a Soutpiel of Yesteryear.
Not talking about yourself off course.

Its interesting.. The Kids don't seem to have had any animosity per se'. They adjusted really quickly. I think its because, when they arrive here they good manners etc etc. The Teachers like them and they do (did) really well in school.
Another thing that was working in my kids favor they are really big for their age and Trenticles was is really good at sport so when he tried out for footy he basically broke the apposing team in half. 
From a Supporting teams like the Bokke and the Proteas. In Melbourne they dont watch or support Rugby so if it comes up in a conversion you would have more luck chatting about the knitting world champs. 
The Aussies love a bit of banter but are the worst loosers EVER. I wonder sometimes if they are not worse than the English press. If Someone fails, or has a bad day on the field, the press will pester them for weeks on end untill some other mooch makes a mistake.   I dont think this really answers your question..... Hmmm I may need to explore this question a bit...... thanks for the Idea...

[DUSTRIDERS]

 They adjusted really quickly.

Were their school subjects whey different, could they stay in the same year/standard as here?
School standard the same or better? Or?

[BOZO]

The Kids found school REALLY Easy.
It's different from SA as the teachers have no authority and have to be PC with everything.
The subjects are pretty much the same but the education model is different. You will hear things like Private , Semi-Private and Government Schools. the only difference is the Cost.
I will elaborate more on this one tomorrow. As its quite an interesting topic. 

[DUSTRIDERS]

Last question, do they have to take a second language as a subject or do they have only english or what they call english?

[Willem-Ben]

 

[IanTheTooth]

Who said manual petrol pump? This is a town time left behind called Nebo. We went through when I was checking up on Turrawulla Road and the pass up to Eungella (pronounced Young-gella.)  Main raison d'etre for Nebo was a police compound to wipe out the local aboriginals. The cage on the back of the Landcruiser is for a pig dog. They still love their hunting.

[Maverick]

If ever I had a fantastic Monday laughing whilst my staff is f£4k1ng up production and machines at a fortunate Karoo rate which is slow but still does damage in the very long term this would be that Monday reading your thread @BOZO

Pennevrug uit die boonste rakke 

[BOZO]

Last question, do they have to take a second language as a subject or do they have only english or what they call english?

The subjects are pretty much the same but the education model is different. You will hear things like Private , Semi-Private and Government Schools. the only difference is the Cost.
Private school will ease your constipated bowls at about $25k - $40k a year. 
Semi-Private / Catholic are slightly more palatable at $8k - $14k a year.
And Government at a pleasurable (my option, obviously) $899.00 per year. If you take the full option of paying for everything upfront, (all raffles, ticket sales, fund raising events, camps, day trips, etc etc) then its about $1150….. I pay that with a smile my friend. 
The education model here seems (to me) to be let the kids be kids and they will find their way. They have pathway schools that basically let the kids work at their own pace, they can do subjects that interest them that eventually lead to some sort of trade. Then you have the “normal” schools that do the more formal subjects like English, maths,  biology etc etc. They are required to take a second language until grade 10 (I think) but it’s like taking a normal subject. The interesting thing is the type of subjects you can take, drama, photography, physical education, psychology, outdoors, marine sciences etc etc.
So this is interesting as the model is let the kids be kids they don’t get any homework, if they do I’m not aware of it as my two have never done any since we arrived here. They also don’t write any exams until year 11 / grade 11 / standard 9. So its basically a holiday for them (the kids).
In year 12 (last year of school) they write their first real exams. If they get high enough “points” they can go to university. If not they can still go to university where they do a “gap filler” year to get them to the correct level to continue on. 

Im not an officado on the cost of University but this is how I understand it.

With my 2 Brainiac’s I’m pretty sure I need to look a the cost of high vis clothing and safety boots.   

University is not free but, as a citizen you can get a “loan” from the government that has a super low interest rate. You would only need to start paying back when you start earning a certain amount. The interesting thing about this loan is that you dept dies with you. So that means that you can (and most do) study for your PHD etc and only pay back the interest monthly $150 and one day when you peg, well so does your debt. 

The weirdest thing is that the student that go to university do there to study, there is no “student life” as we know it in SA. No jool or hatfield for example. Just robots at class. The kids that don’t go to uni get a trade and become rich at the age of 25 as tradies, the others that flip burgers or make coffee earn a good wage and get by comfortably.

When we first got here, we were all over Trenticles and spiderpig, they had to get top marks at school, they were going to university to get a piece of paper and then they could do whatever they wanted.
That’s the South African way right? But as we have spent more time here you start to realize that it doesn’t matter if they struggle to wipe their asses or are able to design a Rocketship they will be ok. There is ample opportunity to go in what ever direction they want. Yes Trenticles and spiderpig will start off doing some arb job, yes they will get bored and then have to change and do something else.
Who am I to lay blame hell I did my degree (which is worthless here) at 40.
Me I just want to sit in the bush and drink beer. 

[BOZO]

Ok To continue with the outback Story.

Every now and again “deep thinkers” or philosophers and people that deem themselves to be intelligent, take a “time-out” and submerge themselves into a near catatonic state of meditation. This should evoke some sort of soul searching where they question the world around them. I happen to be neither a philosopher or Intelligent, and the deepest thought I had lately was related to a swimming pool which then, by pure coincidence, made me think of a poem I read once.

she dug,
he dug,
we dug
and they dug ...

it’s not a very long poem but its deep..

Wow drifted off the topic there…. sorry about that….
I do however know how to take some “time-out” and I can coerce myself into a “similar” state, yes its more expensive and the after effects will probably cause sorosis of the liver, but I get pretty much the same results.
An added benefit of my (obvously) far superior method to achieving this state I have found that group therapy also helps. You merely require 3 simple things
1.   Friends
2.   Music,
3.   A cooler box full of Booze. Mix them all together and BOOM. You can ask any questions you like.
Chances are pretty good the you are going to get an answer that you probably don’t want to hear. (I said its a superior method not perfect)

See even us simpletons living on an island can enjoy group hugs, loud talking, ramblings of an idiot and finding the real use for a white board marker. (dont ask)

In this state of “meditation” If you were to be honest with yourself and took yourself into a quiet corner, like a bathroom, and really looked into your soul, and you had to answer this one question. What would your answer be?
Do you really want to look at pictures of other people’s kids?
I mean do you REALLY want to see pictures of some snot encrusted glazed donut missing a tooth, covered in ice cream smiling at a camera?
Is it worth the effort to do the ooohhhs and aaahhs at the correct intervals?
Or would you rather just be honest and say:
“Bud I’m glad you have kids, congratulations on keeping them alive for this long. If you could teach them to fetch beer and pack a cooler box then they can be around, until then please refrain from making me stare at photos on your smart phone”
…… Well I did that, I looked into the mirror and I asked myself 2 questions. (I had time)
"Do you really want to look at pictures of other people’s kids?"
And.
"Why are you looking in the mirror without your glasses when you can’t see shit?"
The Answers, as in life, came in reverse.
I couldn’t find my glasses, and It depends.
It depends because I actually like kids.
I like them more when they have a personality and can wipe their own asses.
I like them a lot more when they can contribute to a conversation. And I absolutely love them when they have moved out of the house and have a job….. 
Now that we have established that you don’t actually want to see pictures of other people’s kids….
Shame on you!!! LOL.
Because I have decided to show some pictures of my pride an joy. The miracles that wonder woman grew in her womb.
"David Attenborough voice-over"
"Sitting quietly in flappy paddels you can see the natural depiction of 21st century city kids in the outback"
"These still images portray the deep conversations that are shared between the leader of the pack and his subservients, where he tried to discuss the meaning of life, girls, Pokémon and the vast openness around them where there are no animals and plenty dead psychotic wallabies."
"Let us retreat peacefully until the next installment of the git on the island"