AALLLLLLLLLRIGHTY then !!!.
On with the last part of outback story. (its always good to have a breather)
There is however one additional story that I need to share with you about our great trek into the edge of the vast wilderness of the island. I could attempt to draw parallels between the wild of the outback and camping in Botswana but that would be pathetic. Instead all I can offer is hearsay and my impressions and experiences.
So everyone says that on the Island if you can’t eat it it’s going to try to kill you.
Because there are no natural predators on the island, they have reverted to using 10 gigiabazilion eucalyptus trees, a rule book and Mosquitoes to remove you from this blue planet.
Being a Roff and toff Benoni Boytjie that that you all know me to be I have had a fair share of Outdoor experiences. I can without a shadow of a doubt inform you that I’m not squeamish about most goggas and what not.
For those of you that don’t know, I was, in my youth, a cub scout. I had a lot of badges that that my mommy very kindly sewed onto my blanky and kept for me. My “Friends” instead have ‘thoughtfully’ assigned me the tribe name of “he who sits and wee’s and sews”
Laugh if you must, but, guess who is called to the front line when they need a knot tied, or to build a ship from tent material…. That be me mudaeffers!!!
Well we were camping in Wilcannia on the edge of the Billabong (here on the island they don’t know what an oxbow lake is so they called it a billabong) having dinner in the bush kitchen. We were relaxing and listening to the screaming parrots, and daydreaming of Africa’s wild animals, where sitting willy-nilly in the bush without a fire will get you chowed by a multitude of four legged unfriendlys, and if you don’t climb into your tent soon enough then the angry pachyderm’s will make sure you know where your tent is.
ANNNNYYYYWWAAAYYYY. So we sitting at the bush kitchen and reading through the rule book of things you are not to do on the island when Spiderpig decides to look under the table.
WELL Suck-me-sideways. Have you ever seen an eleven-year-old jump backwards so fast he nearly jumped directly out of his skin…. We nearly had a perfect eleven-year-old skin to use as a welcome mat at home.
Trenticles was watching this situation with an eye if distrust and thought that maybe he should just check it out to be sure. WHHOOOOPPP back summi triple flip flop and face plant….We nearly had welcome mats for the front and the back doors.
You must understand the sun has set and I have sucked back 10 of my 12 Victoria Bitters and was not about to leave the comfort of the table, nothing was going to get me moving, this benoni boytjie is fearless remember.
Well Fearless and stupidity are pretty close together and I was fearless until Trenticles and spiderpig were talking to me in half sentences both at the same time. Dad… dad.. dad… dad… Big, Huge….dad,.. its by your knee. Dad… dad…. No really dad… don’t move your leg…….. dad… etc etc..
By now the beers are quickly wearing off and I’ve sobered to a 6 beer level and quickly getting sobererererer by the second. Still, I remained unwavering, my theory is ,what you cant see cant hurt you, and I share these wise words with my offspring.
Trenticles grabs my phone and takes a photo, and shows it to me…..WELL HOLY SHIT BALLS WHAT THE F@#$ IS THAT!! ITS HUGE!!!!!.
I must have looked like a fat man being electrocuted with a defibrillator, while hanging onto a makkers (Mc Donald’s) happy meal, I was outta that bench with a touch of speed, it’s not pretty but it was YouTube worthy. Wonder woman would have had two welcome mats and a car seat cover!! The car seat cover would have needed a visit to the dry cleaners to remove the shit from the woolly side but it at least its wrinkle free.
10 beers and I could have passed a Breathalyzer with a smile! Talk about a sobering moment. Below is the Picture.………Needless to say we did not need any angry pachyderm’s to send us to bed!!
To Conserve the enviroment and your mental state of mind I have SHRUNK this image to 1/10 of the orignal size. (I’m talking about the spiders size
)
Those Blue dots in that background are its mother’s eyes (insert your scream emoji here)
One last parting shot before I end off. When driving +/-2000km in any country you are going to pass more than a couple of sign boards. In that entire distance I did not see a single sign board with a bullet hole in it!!!! (open season whoop whoop)
Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga (Read 51551 times)
