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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #380 on: January 06, 2020, 11:30:34 pm »
Happy new year to you all. Thanks for the good wishes and I return the same to you and your families wherever you and they may be.

The fires have been hectic on the island this year. I think mainly because it was such a dry winter in Victoria and NSW, I'm not a meteorologist so I could be wrong. 
I think what people (worldwide and here on the island) don't understand is the areas that these fires are burning in. The Alpine national Forest is 1.6 million acres of forest.
Largely inaccessible forest. one does not simply drive ones landcruser through these places. So with out rain its hard to stop them.
We in Melbourne are safe as there is lots of concrete between us and the bush. There has however been a pall of smoke over us since Monday and will probably last until the weekend.
Pray for those poor souls that have lost everything.
Pray harder for those animals that have suffered what can only be a horrendous end.
Pray for rain.

 :'(


:'(
:'(




One thing that I must say surprised me about the Aussies is their support for the communities when something like this happens.
Yesterday on the radio on the way into work they were asking people to stop sending in care packages to one of the centers. They had something like 600 pallets of donated goods to send to the communities in need.




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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #381 on: January 07, 2020, 02:41:31 am »
Herro here is the next part of our saga.  O0

WHAT SUUUUUUP MENSE!!!!! What’s happening on your sides of the oceans?
We are just approaching the end of winter and in about 3 months’ time the sun “should” come out for about 5 minutes, we are ready for that yellow ball!
The sun cream is placed on the entrance hall table so that we can apply it to my see-through family, we even have our Gazebo close at hand so that if we make it to the beach, Wonder Woman and Trenticles can suntan in the shade.
We are not too concerned with spiderpig as he only comes out of the games room to deposit a load of “devils doughnuts“ and consume large quantities of 2-minute noodles.
I’m sure that lots (probably only 2 or 3) of people are keen to know what’s happened to the cookie thief and other such happenings.
Before we get to that I invite you to cast your mind back to when we were much younger and you had to have the dreaded railroad tracks attached to your teeth.
Those monstrosities that made you look like you’d lost a fight with barbed-wire fence. Braces were mostly for people whose teeth were so bad they could eat an apple through a tennis racket.
I heard that this was caused from sucking your thumb until you were twelve or having a mother that smoked ciggies during your path down the birth canal.
Now days in the past 10 years or so it’s become a fashion item, and here the Aussies that have metal in their mouths are generally the wealthy snobs that can travel to Bali to have them put on there.
If you can afford to have them fitted here, on the island, you mingle with the crowd that drinks skinny tall blacks, flat whites and know what an Affogato is, also you don’t mind spending $5 on tepid coffee.
I don’t fit into that category, I fit into the category of, when I see the price I want to vomit and I say “is jy fokken mal???”
But, and there is always a ”but” isn’t there?
We were not aware of this before we landed on the Island. Six Months before our departure we had Spiderpig’s choppers welded with shiny new tracks.
We happily landed here with our Souf-Effricen accents, suntans and flip-flops and just carried on regardless. Shortly after the regardless part however, we needed to get spiderpig an appointment with an Orthodontist.
Unlike marrage these days, once you start with braces, you can’t just call it quits and have a party. While I was grafting at work Wonder Woman found a chap called Dr Snow, as in Snow White, only his surname is not White its Snow and his first name is Andy not Snow so its Andy Snow not Snow White got it?….
Month after Month on a saterday morning I took Spiderpig to Dr Snow as he slowly fixed Spiderpig’s munchers. Every time we went to "Dr" Snow I told Spiderpig to take as much free shit as possible, tooth brushes, tooth paste, elastics, you name it pappie.
I was even tempted to take his national geographics from the waiting room but Spiderpig has a honest face and it looked like he would tell on me.
Eventually the tracks were removed and Dr "Snow" gave Spiderpig a retainer that he needs to wear every night for the next 18 months.
It’s a long story with no real point but if I told you the point first you could just skip to the end and that’s pathetic.
Anyyyyyyyywayyyyyyyy this story actually has two endings both unrelated but interesting nonetheless.
Spiderpig’s face cost us almost the same as the BMW GSA that I sold before we left the mother country. Which means that when that little shit plays PlayStation and smiles, I feel some (maby one) emotional joy that straight teeth are the number one reason PlayStation geeks get laid…..
Playing PlayStation is obviously a physically challenging activity for kids, just this school holiday I have seen spiderpig devour 4 packets of noodles in one sitting, but the best part is the late-night snacking.
I don’t have to wait up to catch one of the two human eating machines that live in my house, I normally just see the remains of empty packets and crumbs strewn across the expanse of the kitchen counter.
Because of this it’s difficult to single-out which one of these thieving hell-swine’s is performing these midnight raids on our stash. I was 90% sure that it was the eldest oxygen thief.
Interrogating them under a bright spot light or waterboarding them only ends up with denials and endless finger pointing.
Lucky I have picked up a few tips at the office in becoming a super sleuth and sometimes, just sometimes, the world turns in my favour and I am delivered a little gift from the gods.
One Morning I was making coffee for wonder woman and myself, (just standard instant coffee, army issue, none of that fancy frappe, ristetto kak) and low and behold, right there in the cupboard, next to the biscuit tin (empty), is Spiderpig’s retainer (HA HA got you, you blicksem!!!)…
Needless to say, I waited for the perfect moment that night to launch into my best “Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury” diatribe. It was a “touch and go” argument for a while until I closed the case with my presentation of the evidence.
Like Cinderella and her glass slipper, this retainer was a perfect fit!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHA HET JOU KATVIS!!!!!! I’m Loving it!!! Patience is my new weapon to teenage resistance.
Well that what I thought, apparently sometimes patience doesn’t always work.
In the office, every now and again we get surprised with a random two week enforced sugar free diet, it’s a radical new type of diet, and it’s pretty simple, this is how it works.
The lazy fucking admin person just doesn’t buy sugar, because he is waiting for the order to be big enough so he doesn’t have to pay delivery fees, this Admin person drives a BMW X5 so obviously I can understand why it’s important to save on the $2 delivery fee on the company credit card…..
This random sugar diet has had yin-yang effect on my quest to catch the cookie smuggler. I had a feeling that this person was going to be cantankerous in their efforts to the placement of their cookies in their sneaky hidey-holes.
I had a feeling that he was onto my masterful efforts to track him down and catch him red handed. To prepare for this battle of the minds (mine being the weaker) I embarked on an upskilling exercise and continued to watch episodes of Murder She Wrote and Magnum P.I.
I even watched MacGyver in case I ever needed to repair a RENAULT with a toothpick and staple gun. (generally its eaiser to just push it into the horbour)
I was making great lengths forward and was at the precipice of nabbing this cunning crook, when the random sugar free diet hit us, this was a particularly bad one as the diet lasted for 3 weeks instead of the normal 2 weeks.
As this person (the cookie thief) seems to drink sugar in their coffee (instant) they took a reprieve from chowing down on hidden treats for the same amount of time.
My mission was on hold. My main reason for driving through the grey clouds in the morning and being first in the office was fading fast, what was I to do?????
And then the fasting ended. A bright light of happiness shone through the cloud of despair that had descended on my parade.
We had Sugar, BOOM BABY!! Game on, for 5 more days I inspected the hidey-holes, nothing, nada, zero, zilch. Alas my quest had come to an abrupt end.
I can only assume that my thief had succumbed to the food gurus. Possibly Tim Noakes’s eat only heart stopping fat and enjoy life diet.
I think my cookie muncher has become a vegan, wad de fok!, now all I see in the morning is some disgusting concoction in cup.
It’s so bad that I can’t describe it so I took a picture..
This is the cup…
 
This is the kak in the cup…yuk!

Needless to say, I think it’s a phase, nobody can actually drink that and be happy, if someone in office has a mental breakdown or tries to kill themselves with a plastic spoon or a chopstick I’m willing to bet $20 that that’s my cookie smuggler.
When they snap out of their master chef delirium and start tucking into the tastyies again its gonna be overs kadovers for them. Now all I have to do find out who owns this mickey mouse monster mug.
Does this bring this gripping case to a close? Hell no! Not by long shot, but, when it does it will make my discovery even sweeter. 
On other interesting news Trenticles got some vacation work and has been grafting, digging holes, filling cracks in walls etc. He gets home tired and has worked through the stage where he is ready to eat his left foot.
It has saved us a fortune in holiday hunger pangs and has extended his and Spiderpig’s life span by at least 6 weeks. He was paid $100 a day…… F@#$$@ ME that’s good money. 8 days of work and he puts R8000.00 in his back pocket….
This money was so hot it burnt a hole straight through pocket. But hey easy come easy go. Before he spent it he was desperate for me to take a photo of him.
One to be able to look at his money that he earned and one to show to his mates in SA I’m sure. 
As you can see in the picture, he thinks he is a “gangsta my bra”. Splashing the cash all over the place. Just like all “gangsta’s” the early onset of Parkinson’s is starting to show with his head stuck in perpetual motion rocking back and forth between the hours of one and eleven.
The very next day, he was up and out of the house as soon as the shops opened, a wallet full of cash, and places to go, he hot footed it like a lonely sheep in stuck in a paddock in Perth on a Friday night.
Of all the places to go he went to the apple store and came back with an iphone. Of all the things to buy, a phone, and its an apple, before we know it he will arrive at home in a Landover and I will have to strike him from my will.
It’s a shame really, I used to like that kid.
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Offline Ri

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #382 on: January 07, 2020, 07:52:22 am »
iPhone? The boy has taste :imaposer:

 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #383 on: January 28, 2020, 11:02:18 pm »
Taste  :laughing4: Naa Mate, just another pawn in the world of over priced tech.  8)

Anyhooo I'm back after a short sabbatical, We had Wonder Woman's sister visit us for 2 weeks.
So its been a busy time living the high life.
I will be writing about that experience soon enough.
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #384 on: January 28, 2020, 11:19:41 pm »
Sitting at the airport in Sydney, I decided to order a draught, it had been a long day, work was picking up this bill, and I had some time to kill.
It’s pretty cool in the airports here, there are bar’s and coffee shops all over the place. I didn’t have to walk far to find a place to drink and reflect on some of the lessons learned in my life. Although extensive travelling has the ability to turn you into a misanthrope one can and should use these opportunities to observe and learn new things, well, that’s what my shrink used to tell me (I think it’s too late for me). As I sat down and opened my wallet, being careful to avoid the escaping moths, I glanced around and took a closer look at the people around me.
There were the tradies sucking back cold ones, their eyes darting left and right just above the rim of the glass, which reminded me of a crocodile’s eyes when its submerged in the water at the edge of a watering hole. Then there were the business ladies that were the equivalent of the unsuspecting impala coming down to that very same watering hole to quench their thirst built up from chewing on dry flavourless grass all day, their only defence mechanism is to avoid eye contact by staring at their iPhone’s. Then you get the young up-and-coming crowd that are wearing brand name stuff, the guys are wearing t-shirts that are so small you would think they bought it for their baby sister, and the jeans are hopelessly too short but they make up for that by pulling their short socks all the way up. That’s the definition of a twatwaffel right there. The ladies are typically trying to wear the same as the guys and that’s ok, nothing wrong with a tight t-shirt. But they are so obsessed with instagram, snapchat and selfies that they forget that the dooshbag next to them is trying to order a draught and if they could just skootch over a touch it would make everyone’s life easier. Now that I had scoped out my fellow patrons it was time to get down to the business of ordering an ice-cold golden beverage that will wash way the sales and technical splurge that I had spoken for the last 8 hours.
You would think that ordering a Draught is easy…………..
In soufeffrika and quite possibly in many other countries, there are 2 sizes of draughts that you can buy, the standard 500ml and a ladies size, or a big one and a small one.
Also no matter where you travel, be it from Springbok to Richards bay or Kakstad to Musina a draught is a draught, it’s a beer in a big glass, if there is a language difference you can use your thumb and index finger to indicate your wish, if they are separated by a distance of more that 4cm it means a big draught if it less than that then you had better have your girlfriend with you or be alone because you’re a pissy if you drink ladies sized beers.
One would expect the same to happen on the island ne’
The Barman comes round and tjunes me:
 “Howya goin mate?, Whatill it be?”
Having spent some time aboard I know that I can’t order a castle or a black label, so I glance that the tap’s on offer and say:
“I’ll have the white rabbit pale ale thanks”.
Its obviously popular and he says:
“aahg we’re out mate”
I’m ok with as that as there are 3 more options to choose from. Problem is I don’t have my glasses on and I can’t see the labels of my remaining options. I glance around and the biggest sign says Bloomers so I decide that’s a good option. So I say:
“I’ll have a Bloomers please.”
“Sure thing mate, what size? “
“oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know I had options, a Draught Please”
“Yea, what Size Glass?”
“What are my options?”
His eyeballs slowly rotate backwards in his head, obviously to look at the glass sizes, he takes a deep breath and says:
“Pony, Seven, Middy, Schmiddy, Schooner or a Pint”
The only word I recognized there was pint so in order to get the whites of his eyes back to where they were supposed to be I said:
“Gimmie a Pint thanks”
He reached down and grabbed a pint glass and poured me what looked like was going to be an amazing beer. While he was pouring it I assumed that the reason he rolled his eyes back like that was his way of remembering the list of glasses, and not actually looking for the glasses on the shelf behind him. One never knows!!
This is not the end of the story but I do have to step away momentarily on order to educate you on how to order a draught on the island.
Firstly like footy everyone and their dog was involved in this, depending on the state that you are in (I don’t mean pissed or sober, I’m talking about province like WA, NT, NSW etc.. ) will depend how you order a Draught. If you are drinking and driving then there is the standard drink size to consider, which, believe it or not, is about the same amount that a coconut holds. You can’t make this shit up…. I can see it now, a bunch of prisoners running around getting pissed on fermented coconuts, and the wife starts chirping Bruce, “OI !!!! only 3 coconuts tonight with the boys or you can sleep outside with the kids!!”. So to order a coconut sized or standard sized beer in Melbourne you can ask for a “Pot”, in Perth it’s a “Middy”, and in Darwin is a “Handle”. If you are playing coinage and like to see the barman pouring sip sized drinks you can order a “Foursie” in Melbourne, a “Shetland” in Perth and because it was hot that day in Darwin and work was cancelled they called it a “small beer”… thank goodness, you won’t have to remember any of these exotic names to impress your lass, of you want to talk foreign to her just check the price of the beer and use the expressions that come naturally to you. To order the biggest beer they have just ask for a pint. Strangely in all the states the big beer is called “pint”.. below is a (pic) for you to peruse at your leisure.

Right now that we are all educated on how to order a pint, I can get back to my story.
My beautiful golden brew was placed in front of me, on a coaster that had a picture of the opera house and said “I love Sydney” , as I watched the condensation run down the side of the glass I licked my lips in preparation for the first sip of that nectar from the gods. MAN I deserved this beer!! I took a firm grip and being sure not to drop a single drop of this liquid gold @R95 I took a massive gulp, it was cold, its was crisp, it was so so so wrong,….. my eyes opened, my moment of utter joy completely destroyed, this was not beer! What the FUUUUUCCK!!! It was a cider! A Cider in draught glass…. It tasted like 500ml of stomach acid from a Chewbacca that had a pie for breakfast. And smelt like a cat had just eaten a frot lizard and wanted to lick your face. Now what???? I had no choice, I had to drink it. I had those slanty eyed Tradies checking me out, business ladies were peering over their iphone’s and there was sudden dip in the noise levels in the room everyone wanted to see if I could finish a pint of Chewbacca vomit….. China you don’t know what I can put back.! I finished that Draught, as every sip slowly lifted my back teeth, I slotted that like a home sick mole. Dry Heaves and all!!!
So to recap: In soufeffrika in 9 different provinces you can order a draught by simply saying “draught bier assablief  barman”. If he is deaf then you can use the world wide known hand signal by separating your thumb and index finger by more than 4 cm.  boom done. Ice cold draught in your hand. R30 well spent.
On the island you need to have a reference card to indicate the correct size and name of the glass, then you need to be sure that you are actually ordering a beer and then if that all goes wrong, order tap water in a pint glass.

I suppose it’s better than ordering a drought beer!!!!
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Offline TeeJay

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #385 on: January 29, 2020, 05:38:05 am »
Now that was very entertaining - thank you!  :imaposer:
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Offline mox

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #386 on: January 29, 2020, 08:05:22 am »
 :spitcoffee:  :laughing4: Thanks, this read made my day!!!
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Offline BigEd

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #387 on: January 29, 2020, 08:26:00 am »
Bozo, I think to avoid confusion, just order a jug... :pot:
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Online roxenz

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #388 on: January 29, 2020, 09:02:12 am »
Geesh, these antipodeans sure can take the fun out of drinking!
 

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #389 on: January 29, 2020, 10:39:12 pm »
Bozo, I think to avoid confusion, just order a jug... :pot:

Good Plan!!!  :laughing4:
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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #390 on: January 29, 2020, 10:41:38 pm »
Geesh, these antipodeans sure can take the fun out of drinking!
True that...
"They can try, but they will never take away my FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOM of choice to choose my own size beer!"
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #391 on: January 29, 2020, 11:02:02 pm »
Time for 2 part story.

This is not a heartthrob story of love and betrayal nor is it a legendary story of Icarus and his destiny to rise towards the sun and eventually realize that doing a job on the cheap is going to hurt you in the long run.
Those kind of stories require deep thought and effort to build in some kind of life lesson that you can walk away with and use later in life.
My short life lesson that I’d like to share is “Never look directly into the sun” which is useless with my see-through family as they are always hiding from it, or, its as per usual cloudy here.
As I brood over that, in the far back the dark corners of my mind the word “parable” shines it’s light and remind me of how you can say one thing but mean something else.
It’s a lot like talking to the opposite gender and thinking that you know what they mean when they say “Fine do whatever you like!!” ……..Apparently, it doesn’t mean that.  :o

This tale lends itself more to, how can I put this creatively, the ramblings of an indolent fellow that will try to take a very boring mental realization and portray it as a full-blown life event of epic proportions.
So basically, it just bullshit, Karkpraat, and in Island terms its spinning a yarn.
Remember always add 40% for drama we only live once, and you will probably only read this once so I better make it worth your effort.
This fable starts in a past life, before the island, in a land far away the land of milk and crime.
As part of an unwritten job requirement (AKA: to keep my job) it was obligatory / enforced upon me, and others, by my boss (real one not wonder woman) to attend psychology sessions with the 24/7 on-call shrink, although I thoroughly (not really) enjoyed these sessions of brain dismemberment or advanced personality manipulation techniques, I never forgot who was paying for them and I held back on some of the topics that certainly should have been discussed, as those conversations would probably have blown her mind, and afforded me a free white jacket with extra-long sleeves and a comfortable padded room.  :eek7:
In these sessions however, I learned that we all have an “inner voice” and that this inner voice has a clinical term called “self-talk”. If you are special you can have more than one “inner-voice”, and if you are REALLY special they talk at the same time, awfully loudly, all the time. This inner-voice is what you use to guide your thoughts and make moral and sometimes immoral decisions. 
This inner voice translates written words into the voice you hear now while you read these words of wisdom. (MIND = BLOWN!!!!)
Just think about that for 2 minutes. If there was no voice in your head would you understand these word?….. What if that voice stopped taking to you??? (please refer to earlier capitalized words. (MIND = BLOWN x 2).
I find it best to stay friends with this inner-voice as you may need them at 4 am to counsel you not to call your ex-boss\girlfriend\bookie and submit unwarranted tips about how to use a toilet brush inappropriately.
Some people give this inner-voice a name, if you have more than one, I would recommend giving them pet names to make it easier to keep track of the conversations going on inside your head and who said what.
I call the two main characters in my head Joey and Esmeralda. Esmeralda (a beefy Gaul woman with a deep voice, that looks like Hydrophobia from an Asterix comic) that , in my case has been trained to be the motivator in my life, I use Esmeralda ,mostly friendly, when I put on my running takkies and attempt to pound out the kilometres on the black-top, at first Esmeralda used to get me from lamp-post to lamp-post. Recently however, Esmeralda has been through a personality hic-cup (must be a woman thing) and I have had to fall back on my other go-to voice, Joey, to keep the Bruce Fordyce wannabe voice under control.
Just the other day while out running I was attempting to crest an uphill, sweating profusely, and breathing like an asthmatic in a pollen cloud, Joey (who incidentally likes to dop, smoke, talk kak, and doesn’t really get on with Esmeralda) was saying,
”You need a break, have a rest”
Esmeralda was there as always coaching me
“You can do it!! Top of the hill, you feel no pain, JA JA JA!! YOU ARE A LEGEND!!”. 
I was about to ask for a vote on this matter and was looking for the elusive 3rd person to assist in my quandary, when a Tradie drove passed and shouted out the window of his UTE (that’s a bakkie)
“Common Mate push yourself!!”.
I attempted to smile at him and give him a wave but as I looked up the sweat ran into my eyes which made me stumble and lose my rhythm which in turn settled the debate of run or rest. I slowed to a walk, blocked out Esmeralda’s bitching and concentrated on my music. I was walking past the same tradie, and he said to me,
“Hey mate, you look like you have been training hard, how far have you run?”
I turned around, wheezing, squinting through burning eyes and pointed about 100m down the road and said,
“From the two-story house over there!”.
I realized then and there that I needed to change my motivational consultant Esmeralda. Not because of the distance I had run, but because I should have listened to Joey and asked for a lift home! ;D
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #392 on: February 01, 2020, 12:51:57 am »
Part 2  ;D
ANNNYYYYYYWAY,
The actual experience I wanted to share happened last week when I gave training to 10 Aussies from the same company, they were all from different areas of this business and they all had their own opinions about how stuff should work.
This is not uncommon as we all have our ideas as to how things should work. I have given hundreds of training courses in my life, I have given presentations to 200+ people, so I think I speak into a microphone of experience when I say I know what I’m doing.
I also have been told that I have a face for radio, or, was that voice? I digress, that’s a different story.
Of these hundreds of training courses that I have given there has always been somebody to do the setup of the refreshments, the collecting of coffee and tea cups and do the clean-up and resetting before next break and the next day. To be honest I have never had to think about it. WELL guess what, I had to think about it and do it. All of a sudden, I was missing Lina and Janet that just operated silently, and until now, unappreciated in the background making our lives easier.
Then there was the actual class and the participants…
Wonder Woman and I have seen this before at the kid’s presentations, and we have commented to each other how rude the aussie are.
When the presenter is trying to give a speech, or read out names for prizes there is always some sideline conversation going on.
But that’s a social thing and there was beer involved so we just leave it and think nothing more of it.
I was 10 minutes into my first lesson talking about some technical shit when two Aussie’s started having a conversation about something completely unrelated, I stopped talking and waited for them to finish their story.
When they were done I started again, then another two Aussie’s decided that they also needed to have a chinny-wag. Now I’m normally quite professional at work and would never insult a customer, and this time nothing changed, but, I wanted to issue some RFS’s around that week.
My weapon of choice was to ask them if they heard what I said when they were struggling with the exercises. But even that had no real effect.
Eventually I just had to keep taking over people having conversations. How do we expect our kids to have good manners when the adults act like that! Sis man!
I’m not one to Judge. (Joey said that) (WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
Ok so I am one to Judge, (Esmeralda made me tell the truth). But if someone asks me to give my impression of Aussies right now:
They are rude. >:(
A little bit of respect for your fellow man be it in class or at a presentation and it will go a long way to elevating your stupid opinion when the time comes.
The wheel of justice turns slowly and karma is a bitch. Seems I’m getting payback for all the comments I have made at weddings. :deal:
Oh well. Some of these experiences are better lived through than read through.
And although difficult, English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Onto Bigger and Brighter topics.
It’s Almost December that means that everyone will be going on holiday, Father Christmas will be delivering toys to people all over the world and we will be drinking beer and wine and getting sun burnt under our massive Gazebo.
I will be placing 660cc of throbbing Yamaha between my thighs and embarking on a road trip into the unknown.
If I make it out on the other side I will be sure to send you some stories of how I met the wild dingo’s that ate the baby, kangaroos that survived the main road at night and cuddled a chlamydia encrusted koala bear.
I can’t say what will happen if I run into any sheep, but I promise to pack some braai spice!!!  :drif:
 If you are interested to see my planned journey I have put a picture below. Check those squiggly lines….. whoop whoop!!!
 
For my Closing Statements in this possibly my last letter for the year. I bid you farewell and to go forth and prosper, enjoy your time off, enjoy your time with your friends and family, and think of us because we will be thinking of you…
ZOY!!!!! 
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Ri

Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #393 on: February 01, 2020, 08:18:43 am »
 :sip:

I guess it's not your problem if no one takes anything on board, but still, so rude!

Looking forward to road trip stories :ricky:
 
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Offline Wooly Bugger

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #394 on: February 01, 2020, 10:58:08 am »
What a great read!
This is not life or death. It is an internet forum.
 
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #395 on: February 03, 2020, 01:31:24 am »
Bike report from the island.

I really appreciate all the responses that I got from the last few letters, thanks. I will at some stage try to proof read my letters better before I send them off again.
The Year has started and we need to have something to smile about, hopefully this account will deliver you 5 minutes of pleasure. :peepwall:
Its early morning, somewhere close to the island, the sun is rising over the icebergs that have drifted up from the south pole, just behind them there is a palm tree waving its fronds back and forth, like a spaced out hippy at a music festival, inviting the unsuspecting islanders to pop down to the beach for a good drenching from the rain clouds hiding just below the horizon, ahhhh feels like is just another day in the metropolis of Melbourne.
Lucky for me I was about 350km away from the suburban crush of people, cars, buildings, traffic lights, shopping malls and did I mention people.

I’m in the mountains, a lonely sheep screams repeatedly for the sun to dry the grass. She knows that having wet legs and smelling like a sheep dog does nothing to improve the romance for the mystery date on a cliff edge that she overheard the farmer chatting about in his ute (bakkie) yesterday arvo.
Still, even closer I’m lying on my self-inflating mattress, I can feel the after effects of the 7th schooner of coopers pale ale, my eyes are slowly adjusting to the light streaming in through the open flaps of my tent and I can see my Motorbike waiting patiently for me in the pasture, like Silver waiting for The Lone Ranger, ready to set off into the great unknown in search of glory and adventure.
If happiness is a state of where I am then that’s what I got, there is probably a medical term for it like “bliss”, I like to use a simple phrase like “fokken lekka”.
The dull thud behind my eyeballs makes me smile and I think back to the locals I was dopping with last night.
I was sitting at the bar, looking at the walls covered in stubby coolers, and other cool pub paraphernalia, I had a schooner in my hand, my foot on the foot-rest and I was looking around at the locals.
A couple stroll in and they are clearly locals, money doesn’t cross palms and greetings are long and filled with swear words, eventually Bruce orders a schooner of Carlton on tap and Sheela says she will have a rum.
All good I think, and the barlady says bottle or tap? My head snaps, like a whip and as my eyes follow suit and eventually stabilize on the situation unfolding in front of me.
The bar lady picks up a draft glass adds ice and steps over to the draught machine, she pulls on the handle and out comes dirty coke. It looked exactly like Captain Morgan and coke. BOOM RUM AND COKE ON TAP BABY!!!
I know lots of people that will come to the island specifically for that!!!!!!
But AAANNNYYYYYYWWAAYYYY I digress. This is supposed to be a bike trip report.
Its morning now and the sheep seems to be really excited about her date as she is really driving me crazy and the other campers around me are starting to take bets about who gets to eat her for dinner tonight.
I pack up my trusty steed and decide it’s time to set off into glory and further my adventure into the great unknown, but first, I gotta-gopher-a-dump, The Parma I had for dinner last night was so big I recon this one could be a record setter. As you all know we don’t often go out for dinner or have takeouts as it’s a bit pricey and some kid always over indulges and shoots a cat after dinner. A Parma is a Aussie thing, you take a big dinner plate, add chips to the bottom like a base of a pizza, then add a chicken schnitzel the same size of the plate then add cheese sauce over the top. That’s a basic Parma. I had a meat lovers Parma, so that’s a basic parma with bacon, salami, chirrizos and salad.  :drif:
Now you know why I said record setter!!!
I fumbled with the little red happy button and fired up the lusty Steed causing the single 10cm diameter piston to travel the full length of 8.4cm up the shaft causing 10 atmospheres of compressed air and petrol, the sparkplug fired causing a small explosion that was converting the air mixture to become poisonous gas, MAN it was good to be alive. The whopping 35kW of power turned the back wheels and I was off to find a dunny (Toilet). 700 meters down the road I found the public toilets and my eyes told my ass that it was time, the prairie dogs were keen to see what was going on and there was a rush to drop the kids off at the pool.
In the middle of nowhere next to a neatly trimmed filed here were 5 public toilets that were clean and neat there was toilet paper and doors that locked.
Camping in the mountains was going to be fun.  My route was planned and I set off on the Wonnangatta Rd, the original plan was to follow the road all the way to the top and eventually come out at Wabonga or something like that, well, there are plans and then there is the reality of what really goes down. My trusty steed and I were meandering along the dusty curved roads of crooked river, we were absorbing the beauty of nature and the smell of dust, sweat and kangaroo shit.
Eventually after 50km or so I realized that the last human I had seen was 20 km ago, the road was deteriorating at a rapid pace and I was now concerned about getting a puncture. *Yet another thing to add to the list, when on a solo adventure ride one should pack a extra set of tubes and gas*. With this in mind I stopped next to the river and thought about life in general. I thought about staying there for the night but it was only 9:30 and I had nothing else to do. Not even a fishing rod. I decided that I would follow a different route out of the mountain.
Lucky for me all the entertainment I needed was between my legs and the thrill was controlled by my wrist. We found another twisty dirt road that kept the ring muscle tight and the eyeballs clear! Sliding back tyres, dust, Roo’s, Wombats, Monitor lizards, and a fox were my company for the return trip. Eventually like payslips and birthdays, all good things come to an end and I was on the road home.
This was due to bad planning on my behalf but at least I now know what I didn’t know, and know now what I need to know for the next adventure. Like a bigger map. And larger man balloons.

Below are some pictures of the trip.


"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 
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Offline ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #396 on: February 03, 2020, 10:01:35 am »
Bozo what is the price of a new 660 Z in Aus dollars?
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Offline IanTheTooth

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #397 on: February 03, 2020, 11:46:13 am »
are you coming  Chris?
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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #398 on: February 03, 2020, 12:22:34 pm »
are you coming  Chris?
There is noo way they'd allow me in, and neither can I use the "have you got a criminal record" one cause I don't have that either. ;) >:D

Just interested in how much things cost in Aus in your money not converted into rand.
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... Not Another one! The Island Saga
« Reply #399 on: February 03, 2020, 10:48:29 pm »
Bozo what is the price of a new 660 Z in Aus dollars?
On road cost is about $14 000.00  (on road being all the hidden costs.
I made the mistake of buying mine new. Which is, in my defense, an acceptable mistake. I had, and still have, no idea how it works here with buying a secondhand bike privately.
Asking anybody how the process works is like pulling teeth.
If I was to do it again I would only look at the secondhand market. A bike like mine with extras like crash-bars, single pipe, panniers, center stand etc etc  in mint condition can be found in the $8k - $10k area.
Only thing is, I don't think I would buy a bike here. Its just not the same.

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z