Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register

Author Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga  (Read 39796 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Online roxenz

  • rocks make sense
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha Super Tenere
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 4,911
  • Thanked: 222 times
  • cheerful yesterdays and confident tomorrows
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #700 on: August 04, 2020, 06:41:12 am »
BOZO, so you learned one of life's great cohabiting lessons...  A woman with time on her hands will spend it thinking up things for YOU to do.
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #701 on: August 04, 2020, 06:42:39 am »
 :laughing4: :laughing4: too true!!!
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #702 on: August 05, 2020, 07:50:46 am »
This story is quite an old story, that I have not written about, out of respct for the dead, but wonder woman has been asked me repeatedly to write about it and share.

The day started like any other, we are on the island, palm trees are waving their fronds gently in the arctic breeze, a flock of Galaha’s  pass overhead screeching their banshee call.
Its Friday arvo, I’m about to crack open a Victoria Bitter and plan the weekend activities of mowing the lawn and washing the car.  8)
When I get a call from Wonder Woman ,who was on her way home from work, that her mom had unfortunately passed away from cancer. That foul unseen daemon had claimed her second parent in as many years.  :'(
She was now an orphan and understandably heartbroken. I’m not experienced in handling this kind of grief, and even though I was feeling my own it was obviously not even close to what she was going through.  >:(
So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I called her friend BurntWild and told her the sad news. She wanted to know what she should bring round to which I answered “wine and support”. 
Eventually Wonder Woman arrived at home along with BurntWild and tears were shed until there was no more. We had by now informed Trenticles and Spiderpig and they joined us sitting outside reminiscing as one does, which lifted the mood.
Due to the circumstances we allowed Trenticles to partake in the consumption of acholic beverages, I know not very good parenting skills, but hey, what are you going to do.
The wine was flowing and the stories were coming thick and fast. Trenticles believing that he was a seasoned drinker was now onto the whiskeys and was finding it more and more difficult to sit on the chair, until eventually, he passed out on the grass.  :-[
I carried his limp body off to bed providing a bucket along with strict instructions to use it when necessary. All this time the ladies were sitting outside consuming wine and smoking my cigarettes.
At some stage, it must have been about 12:30 that night, the smokes were out and the general consensus was that we needed more.
With the three of us in no condition to drive I volunteered to go down to the local servo to get some more. Hell it was only two kilometres away. A little too far to walk, but close enough for a short bicycle ride.
Many years ago I was conned into riding the 94.7 km bicycle race which I completed, but did not enjoy, thinking back, I rode that race on a mountain bike that was too small for me and in cleats that were tight like ballet shoes which were not suited for the 40km that I walked.  ;D
Not that that particular story has anything to do with this one, beyond the fact that you understand my mind set when I said I would ride Spiderpig’s bicycle the measly two kilometres to the servo to buy smokes.
Armed with my wallet, I donned a thin jacket to ward off the wintery breeze, slops to protect the soft undersoles of my feet and some bravado to save the day, I mounted spiderpig’s manual powered two wheeled steed and set off. 
I managed to get to the stop street some thirty meters away, when I turned around to fetch a helmet.
In that moment of wisdom I realized that my blood was saturated with enough fermented barley and hops that it was impairing the ability for the synapses that fire continuously in my head to my ears to keep balance were slightly slower than my believed ability to ride a bicycle like that one balled tour de France winner Lance Armstrong.
All I could find in the darkened cupboard was a light blue kids helmet that would fit a five year old perfectly.
If you have forgotten what I look like, or we have never met, and dont know how big my head actually is, take a standard peak cap, the ones with the plastic thingys at the back that you use to get the correct size and only connect the last two holes, that’s tight on my head. Essentially I look like a lemon on a toothpick.  O0
Now that I was attired in all of the required safety gear for the Victorian Road Bicycle Riding Association (VRBRA) I was ready to go.
The first three hundred meters went pretty well, I was riding on the walkway, it was relatively flat and luckily for me devoid of any people.
Although I was swerving from side to side I found that if I picked up speed I was a little more stable.  The next three hundred meters were used to build my confidence and even though my thighs were stating to burn a touch I kept the end goal in mind and forged onward. Besides, the last kilometre was downhill, and I would be able to rest my heaving blackened lungs and aching thighs.
I turned the corner and waaaaaaaay down the hill I could see the servo. This is where shit went from potentially being a triumphant hero to zero.
I was starting to collect speed as one does when you put a lemon-headed 103kg frame on a freewheeling two wheeled steed downhill.
What I had not taken into account on my pathway to glory was that there were obstacles that I had not previously taken note of.
The first one was a tree, that, undercover of darkness, surreptitiously lowered its branches as I approached at near light speed. Had my eyes not been filled with tears of anticipated praise I would have noticed it and ducked my head.
This oxygen producing life sustaining wooden behemoth decided that it was not moving, and, in a game of chicken it was going to win.
For the duration of my ride, up until that very moment, I had not needed the breaks.
I was blissfully unaware of their state of disrepair and their total lack of use until I pulled them. 
My moment of discovery coincided with me, squeezing my hardest on a useless piece of steel, and, connecting my noggin with the lowest branch of said slow moving carbon based life form causing me to lose my impromptu game of chicken and balance.  :ricky:
At this point I would like to thank the VRBRA and the inventor of polyurethane based helmets, without it I may be a bit shorter than I am today and drool when I talk.
I would also like to bring to your attention the uncanny ability alcohol gives your body to bend into shapes only a master yoga instructor can do after years of burning incense, ringing little bells and bodily contortionisim.
There I was lying prone on the walkway staring at the spinning phosphorus street light wondering how wise my decisions were that I had made in my life.
The most recent being, volunteering to purchase tobacco in the middle of the night, on a mechanical device I swore to never ride again.  :xxbah:
However, my journey to glory was nearly complete and being mindful that a job half done is no job done at all. This was all the motivation I needed to continue.
Instead of getting up and pushing the steel wheeled speed machine the rest of the way I jumped back on and continued. In that short time, of lying prone and giving myself a pep talk, I had forgotten about the breaking ability of my ride and rode directly into an different low-lying bush a mere 20 meters away.  :biggrin:
The rest of the downhill trip was slower as I wore away my slop heels out dragging them on the floor to overcome the effects of something that Sir Isaac Newton discovered so many years ago.
Not to be out done by Isaac, Galileo Galilei, also wanted to get in on the game and reintroduced me to acceleration, or more importantly in this story, deceleration, and that acceleration is the delta of velocity divided by time.
Velocity is distance covered over time, blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda fish paste. If this is a bit to sciencey for you here is a laymen explanation of the end result.
In a practical application of this is, the higher the speed the and the shorter the stop the more pain one feels.
Or, in my experience, a pumpkin headed 103 kg screaming mass can be stopped instantly by a simple leafy mass of wood bringing on aches and pains that last longer than you would think.
In the 15 minutes it had taken me to complete my now epic journey to the servo, not once, did it cross my mind that it was 01:00 in the morning and that there was a possibility that it would be closed.
Only until I walked up to the automatic doors did it dawn on me that something was wrong.  :o
They remained incongruously closed like the legs on an unwilling choir boy in a catholic church, or, as I’m sure by now you have experienced, a bottle store in South Africa during a covid pandemic lockdown.  :pot:
There I was, alone, my thighs and heels on fire, blood seeping from various abrasions in a patchwork all over my body with no reward for my downhill redbull adventure ride. 
My efforts had sobered me up to a degree where I realized that the trip was only half way done and I still had to return home, mostly uphill, empty handed.
My thoughts of being the hero of the night were dashed, as well as wondering how spiderpig was still alive.
He rode that steel death-trap to school daily, across and next to one of the busiest roads in the south east of Melbourne.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I pushed that thing to the top of the hill before I mounted it again.
On my slog up the hill, questions like “How long had they not worked? Why did he not ask me to fix them?” bounced around in vast open space that occupies the inside of my head.
These questions, as important as they were, were only going to get answered once I returned home. Which went well, until I got there and, promptly remembered, too late again, that the breaks did not work, and rode into the gate, at, full, tilt…
I had been away for almost an hour, so understandably the ladies were a little concerned at my lack of presence and were, relieved when they heard me returning.
They were looking forward to being replenished with smokes and someone to refill their wineglasses. However when I rounded the corner, they went from mild concern to surprise back to mild concern which developed into full blown laughter.
There I was, still heaving from the exertion and unable to talk due a croaky throat brought on by a thirst great enough to suck an airlock into a hosepipe. One slop missing, bloody patches seeping through my shorts and shirt, a tiny shiny blue helmet sitting askew on my gargantuan head with twigs sticking out of it in a haphazard manner. My ticking eye and red face only added to their delight.
There was no point in trying to communicate with the ladies while they struggled to keep wine from spurting out their noses every time they looked at me so I woke up spiderpig to interrogate him about bike maintenance and survival skills in the city, which he answered with the standard, “I donno” and “what are you on about”.
Eventually I returned outside and had them in rolling in fits of laughter re-creating my hours long misadventure.
 
Retrospectively, I had unknowingly become a living psychological, mouth breathing, case for future students in a classic text book example of a dunning kruger graph.

 In closing I leave you with and excerpt from “And Another Thing” by Clarkson, Jeremy
“There’s plenty of evidence that wasps are not of this earth. Unlike any other animal, with the possible exception of the owl and the Australian, they serve no purpose. They’re not in the food chain, they can’t make honey and they’re not fluffy. Nature has a habit of extinguishing its more useless experiments. The dinosaur went west when it grew too big and the dodo when it mislaid its wings”

I just wonder where I fit in.

Zoy!!
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline frankmac

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Singer (all models)
    Location: Kwazulu Natal
  • Posts: 1,840
  • Thanked: 124 times
  • You want my what??
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #703 on: August 05, 2020, 08:54:20 am »
Hilarious.

Reminds me of this fellow from the Transkei. Author unknown.
 
The following users thanked this post: BOZO

Offline Sam

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Honda XRV 750 Africa Twin
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 750
  • Thanked: 97 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #704 on: August 05, 2020, 11:28:42 am »
Classic!!
 
The following users thanked this post: BOZO

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #705 on: August 11, 2020, 06:49:28 am »
Beginning of week 2 of 6 for level 4 lock-down.....
The 18 year old is already stir crazy....

give

me

strength!!!!

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Crankshaft

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 1290 Adventure R
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 765
  • Thanked: 80 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #706 on: August 11, 2020, 08:06:28 am »
Beginning of week 2 of 6 for level 4 lock-down.....
The 18 year old is already stir crazy....

give

me

strength!!!!

Fok jy gaan nog baie geduld en krag nodig he... :lamer:
KDX 200, YFZ 450, YZ 250F, YZ 450F, WR 450F, R1200GS LC, R1200GS ADV LC, 2nd R1200GS ADV LC
Current: WR 450F & KTM 1290 Sup Adv R
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #707 on: August 12, 2020, 11:36:17 pm »

Fok jy gaan nog baie geduld en krag nodig he... :lamer:

That's the truth.....

Example one.
I bought a massive bag of charcoal from Bunnings just before lock-down. I keep it in the garage and when we braai I have a bucket that I put what I need in.
This weekend we had a braai and there was more than half left over in the bucket.....
Yesterday I went outside to the braai area to find the contents of the bucked dumped on the bench. >:(
Trenticles (18) had needed the bucket so he walked around the house to find it. He then emptied it and walked back to the garage where the charcoal is kept and used it there....
OMG......we need one of those eye twitching tic tic tic emoji's....

Example two...
18 year old decides he is hungry, its 10:00am and he should be in class. After multiple attempts to get Wonder Woman to make him another breakfast he decides he will do it himself.
I am offered eggs on toast but politely decline, as my life insurance doesn't cover that kind of risk.  10:30am after much noise, singing, rap music, stomping, banging and clanging breakfast no. 2 is complete and 18 is off to bedroom. Nevermind the mess left behind with promises of "I'll clean it up now, I just have class". 18 has used the metal braai spatula to flip his eggs on the Teflon coated pan.
URGH......insert eye twitching tic tic tic emoji

send help....... ;)

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Crankshaft

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 1290 Adventure R
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 765
  • Thanked: 80 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #708 on: August 13, 2020, 08:03:13 am »
 :laughing4: :laughing4: :laughing4: :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer:
KDX 200, YFZ 450, YZ 250F, YZ 450F, WR 450F, R1200GS LC, R1200GS ADV LC, 2nd R1200GS ADV LC
Current: WR 450F & KTM 1290 Sup Adv R
 

Offline RrP

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #709 on: August 13, 2020, 12:44:06 pm »
Ja nee!! But the vacuum left behind when they leave home?

Sent from my SM-N970F using Tapatalk

 

Offline >>Thump°C

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 1190 Adventure
    Location: Eastern Cape
  • Posts: 3,846
  • Thanked: 57 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #710 on: August 13, 2020, 02:17:38 pm »
Ja nee!! But the vacuum left behind when they leave home?

Sent from my SM-N970F using Tapatalk


Vacuum??
Don't worry, they take all that shit with when they leave
Boys will be Boys.
And girls are darn thankful for that
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #711 on: August 14, 2020, 06:53:10 am »
Ja nee!! But the vacuum left behind when they leave home?

Sent from my SM-N970F using Tapatalk


Vacuum??
Don't worry, they take all that shit with when they leave
:laughing4:

I always said when you turn 18 I will give you a car, pack it for you and pay for the first months rent.
Well, covid-2020 put a dent in those plans.
New times call for new approaches.
I say chase them out with kindness.
Step One: I will volunteer to vacuum his room for him.....at 5:30 am  >:D

Any more bright ideas?   :deal:

 
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Crankshaft

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: KTM 1290 Adventure R
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 765
  • Thanked: 80 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #712 on: August 14, 2020, 07:50:40 am »
Ja nee!! But the vacuum left behind when they leave home?

Sent from my SM-N970F using Tapatalk


Vacuum??
Don't worry, they take all that shit with when they leave
:laughing4:

I always said when you turn 18 I will give you a car, pack it for you and pay for the first months rent.
Well, covid-2020 put a dent in those plans.
New times call for new approaches.
I say chase them out with kindness.
Step One: I will volunteer to vacuum his room for him.....at 5:30 am  >:D

Any more bright ideas?   :deal:

Play some heavy metal full blast in his room at 5:30 when the vacuum is on. :pot:
« Last Edit: August 14, 2020, 08:00:43 am by Crankshaft »
KDX 200, YFZ 450, YZ 250F, YZ 450F, WR 450F, R1200GS LC, R1200GS ADV LC, 2nd R1200GS ADV LC
Current: WR 450F & KTM 1290 Sup Adv R
 

Online KiLRoy

  • Rossi se Biaggi...
  • Administrator
  • Bachelor Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 15,524
  • Thanked: 734 times
  • We need a strong man. Strong like Stalin
    • Wild Dog Adventure Riders
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #713 on: August 14, 2020, 07:55:21 am »
Bozo, given the south seas conflict looming, any military readiness or higher alert you can observe?
 

Online roxenz

  • rocks make sense
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha Super Tenere
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 4,911
  • Thanked: 222 times
  • cheerful yesterdays and confident tomorrows
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #714 on: August 14, 2020, 08:12:59 am »
Bozo, given the south seas conflict looming, any military readiness or higher alert you can observe?
Are you implying the looming confrontation between BOZO and Trenticles will require intervention on the same scale as the south seas contretemps?   >:D
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #715 on: August 16, 2020, 11:54:25 pm »
Bozo, given the south seas conflict looming, any military readiness or higher alert you can observe?
Not Much in the way of news. Our free to air news (same as sabc etc) only covers dramatic sensationalistic stuff.  All we get is constant covering of covid, followed by some back bench politician calling for the resignation of Dan Andrews or whoever.
If you ask me, when it comes to China, Aus is very quiet, approx $80 billion of our exports go there and every time someone mutters something about China the Aus$ goes for a loop.
It will be interesting to see how this unfolds.
As a side note, I found this article very interesting. I will post pictures for those not interesting in following the link. There are quite a few I just loaded one.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-09-22/south-china-sea-islands-before-and-after/6794076?nw=0

« Last Edit: August 17, 2020, 12:16:55 am by BOZO »
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #716 on: August 17, 2020, 12:04:23 am »
Bozo, given the south seas conflict looming, any military readiness or higher alert you can observe?
Are you implying the looming confrontation between BOZO and Trenticles will require intervention on the same scale as the south seas contretemps?   >:D
:laughing4:
Like a spring tide, the surge is great and catastrophic, but once it has receded piece is tenuously restored.
We made it to Friday and the weekend brought some respite from the boredom for 18.
I suppose today we begin again. ;D  4 weeks to go.
Baton down the hatches, tally ho and all that sort of thing.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #717 on: August 18, 2020, 07:35:46 am »
18 was bored again yesterday.
I made him slice 2 punnets of cherry tomato's to pass the time..... ;D ;D
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline ChrisL - DUSTRIDERS

  • Forum Vendor
  • Castrated Dog
  • ******
  • Bike: BMW R1200GS
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 31,773
  • Thanked: 784 times
    • dustriders.co.za
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #718 on: August 18, 2020, 11:41:49 am »
, but once it has receded piece is tenuously restored.

You've been too long on the Island your english is going to the dogs!!! Come home!! ;) :lol8:
MOTORCYCLE ACCESSORIES RETAILER
info@dustriders.co.za
ENDURISTAN SOFTLUGGAGE IMPORTER
www.dustriders.co.za
 

Offline BOZO

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 995
  • Thanked: 61 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #719 on: August 19, 2020, 12:28:22 am »
, but once it has receded piece is tenuously restored.

You've been too long on the Island your english is going to the dogs!!! Come home!! ;) :lol8:

I have no words!!  :o What you say is true, I do need to come home. :laughing4:
Alternatively I could rewrite that sentence so that its correct.
Here goes.
Like a spring tide, that surges with is heaving mass of water upon the shoreline, it's incredible power only revealed to us in glimpses from the full moon and its subtle roar. 18's continuous bitching about his boredom washes away at my walls of restraint. Eventually after a time the tide turns and as it recedes my sanctity is tenuously restored piece by piece....

Hows that?
 :biggrin:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z