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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #740 on: October 16, 2020, 06:40:17 am »
Trenticles Makes it to 18
Eish there goes my beer!
Ahhhh 18! What a number. Most of us have been there, some of us can remember those days, less want
to forget it.
For the Parents out there, that have offspring that have traversed this age, sit back and nod sagely in the
story you are about to read.
It’s been mere days since Trenticles turned 18 and the subsequent events that have transpired have
been, to say the least, interesting.
He received flappy paddles as his gift. This was in the hopes that he would pack his kak and move out.
Well as I write this letter and covid continues to ravage it deathly curse on humankind little has changed.
Except for brief repeated online shopping escapades from said child / humanoid / young adult / eating
machine. Which took approximately 4 hours to start using this line “I’m an adult now cause I’m 18 mate”
The list changed from the e-bay “imma gonna pimp-my-ride biieeaaches” to being able to purchase
booze from the bottle-o legally.
Maby it’s because he started life in Benoni and the water has affected his brain, or, somehow over the
last four years of living on the island his blood now runs is thick like lumpy custard with bogan
enthusiasm. Following a steady stream of brown boxes arriving at the house we now have enough
equipment to turn a family sedan into a flaming hot racing car straight out of fast and furious. We have
been adding a scoop in the front, vents on the bonnet, railings for the side rails and to round off the
“sick”ness at the rear an ear splitting free-flowing exhaust and a wing to keep its silver ass tight down on
the road when powering from naught to a screaming sexy sixty km per hour. The existing 25w speakers
have been discarded and four new 60w sound booming ear bleeding joy makers are fitted and ready for
the amp and subwoofer to be installed. CHIIIINNNAAAA when this thing goes doef doef the old ladies
teeth next door are going to rattle!!! I’m quite happy to support this endeavour as I can appreciate the
thumping base of good rock and metal bands such as Metallica and Five Finger Death Punch. However, I
was horribly disappointed when his music of choice to test this sound system was some rap kak. These
“Rap” artists use delicate well thought out lines like.
“I got my hoes, and my bro’s.
dey be checking my ass, while I flash my cash.
imma shove my gat in yo cat.
shimmel skhimmel fimmell fimmel
booga booga
bam bam bam”
While the bile rushes up my throat and tears collect in my eyes I can only hope that rap music dies a
slow and painful death.
ANYNNYHOOOOOO With One-Times-Sexy-Suzuki nearly sorted out and the driver’s appointment set for
spring day, 18 had little else to do and went online to do some more shopping. Yesterday I was slogging
away, doing my part in the building the economy, when an auspost van pulled into the driveway. We
have had many deliveries since we have been here but never has the delivery man actually opened the
gate and driven in. He climbed out looking sweaty and disorganized with his face masked, his bushy
eyebrows bouncing up and down as he mumbled something about a delivery for “Ternenrt”. I didn’t
really hear him and nodded anyway. He opened the back of the van and proceeded to take out three
cases of beer and four boxed bottles of unknown beverages.
Bushy eyebrows bounced again while he closed up and I’m sure he was wondering how the rest of my
day was going to go. I don’t have a problem with this perse’ but, we are in lock-down 2.0 and there are
4 weeks left before we can actually visit or have visitors. I sure hope he will be sharing his stash.
Fast forward 2 weeks, 18 now has his drivers license, flappy paddles has been renamed to skorrokorro,
his beer and hardtack supply has been consumed and replenished on numerous occasions along with a
few lessons like Hennessey is shit, and when 18 is drinking Rum, it needs to be drank out of a nonspillable
sippy cup. Another lesson that 18 has learned is that, according to him, old and cranky parents,
can teach young bucks a trick or two.
Example one: We were sitting quietly in the kitchen on a Friday evening hiding away from the covid
pooliece and the freezing cold weather when someone mentioned coinage. The last time I played
coinage I was sitting on a beach at Barra Lodge in Mozambique, we were consuming R&R faster than the
bartender could pour them. I don’t want to profess my skills as a top player, or that the company that I
was with could have entered as an Olympic team but sometimes you just need to state the facts as they
stand. If any of you disagree please come here and prove me wrong.
AANNNYYYYYHOOOOOO. Sippy cup boy was full of bravado and stated openly that we would kick our
old dilapidated asses at coinage. BurntWild was so excited at the prospect of some competition
combined with drinking acholic beverages that she was jumping on the spot. I knew this because every
time she got to the full height of her jump I could see her pink hair over the top of the kitchen counter.
After several warnings to 18 that this was a bad idea we started the game regardless. After a few short
rounds to get the eye in I had made the “no acceptance” and “no slide-age” rules and promptly handed
18 the coin, and the start of his first lesson where no-acceptance means no-acceptance. He bitched like a
stuck pig and said that we would not catch him out again. BurntWild, now sitting on a high-chair,
promptly passed him the coin (acceptance) again, Boom, he bitched again and drank his fine, after which
he slid the glass back to me to be refilled (slide-age), which I passed back to him (acceptance). This, for
him, series of unfortunate events, went on for about five minutes and 6 beers. Eventually we also got
thirsty and decided to give him break. Actually, we just sent him to the fridge to get more beer. After 30
minutes of this, sippy-cup boy was done and he needed to rest his eyes, and his legs as they were
struggling to keep him up.
BOOM, tick box, sayonara booytjie. Put, that, boy, in, a, home!
I have recently just purchased a set of lie dice in which will quite possibly have the same affect. When
lock down is over and he brings his china’s around I’m going to teach them “one fat duck” and “la-de-da”
to name a couple.
The one thing that a pandemic can do besides force you into isolation and slight insanity, is to find ways
to consume your time with something other than watching tv and consuming alcohol. I summoned my
inner carpenter and electrician skills and set to work being creative in the garage. With Trenticles’s old
speakers removed from the skazuk I had an idea to build some speaker boxes and hang them in the
shed, thus transforming it into a “Man Cave”. If I had been a superhero I could have called it something
more interesting like superman’s “Fortress of Solitude” but as you know by now, my “Fortress of
Solitude” is the toilet after a particularly spicy curry from Singh’s-ring-sting down the road. I will
eventually name it something appropriate, but its hard to find something that equally offensive to the
general populace and witty at the same time. Suggestions are welcome.. For now though “man cave”
will have to suffice.
Not wanting to state the obvious but having expertly boxed speakers hanging up and connected to farkall
doesn’t really make a lot of noise. It’s kinda like owning a Landrover and expecting it not to leak oil, as
you sit in the darkened alleyway late at night, the overhead light rapidly going dim as you crank the
engine over repeatedly. In the silent gap between false starts while you pray to god for his help to please
let this car start you can hear the oil puddle grow slowly, drip by slow infuriating drip. Hey pal you
bought it, not me.
Being a clever guy I went to the university of GOOGLE’s reference section and within minutes was able to
discover that if I used an old car radio and a computer power supply I would be able to get some doef
doef from the speaker boxes. Easy peasy lemon squeazy, I went onto facebook marketplace and
purchased said supplies for less than ½ a case of beers. All I had to do was workout what wires to
connect and Voila’ there would be sound. *Did you know that electronic parts are made of smoke? If
you see smoke when you turn it on, it stops working and its incredibly hard to put the smoke back. Again
using You tube, google and some common-sense, I was able to do the opposite of dismantling a nuclear
bomb. After about 3 weekends of soldering wires, building boxes, more than a few beers and the
occasional self-pep-talk I had completed my project and I can now listen to tjunes in my cave. I felt that
this was a great achievement and was super proud (the pep talks worked), I decided to invite Wonder
Woman to come and appraise my efforts. She walked in, looked around, and smiled, like a mother smiles
at a three year old when they finally learn to stop wiping snot on their sleeve, and said “Well done
darling.” I wasn’t expecting a freaking ticker tape parade with dancing girls but an emotionless “attaboy”
caught me off guard and I have decided to take her off my list* of people invited to the “man cave”
inauguration party.
*Current list now stands at one.
Speaking of parties, we (Wonder Woman) had submitted out citizenship application about 4 months
ago. Luckily for us the government does not try to rip you a new one like they do when applying for a
Permanent Residence permit. We forked out the R10k and pushed submit. Once you do this you receive
a notification that you should not try to contact them to find out the status of your application. About a
month later they were asking for additional information for Trenticles. Being excited that something was
happening Wonder Woman checked on the website to see our status. Trenticles was under review and
the rest of us was just received. Another month later and Trenticles is a citizen and the rest of us are still
just received. I have been pondering this for a while now and I have decided that the quickest way to
obtain citizenship is to be like Trenticles, constantly break the law, don’t listen to any rules and grow a
mullet. Its not so bad though because now he has to live with a bunch of immigrants.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2020, 06:42:06 am by BOZO »
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline immigrant

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #741 on: October 16, 2020, 09:13:48 pm »
After 30 minutes of this, sippy-cup boy was done and he needed to rest his eyes, and his legs as they were
struggling to keep him up. BOOM, tick box, sayonara booytjie. Put, that, boy, in, a, home!

 :laughing4:
« Last Edit: October 16, 2020, 09:14:28 pm by immigrant »
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #742 on: October 18, 2020, 10:35:08 pm »
Groan, Another 2 weeks of lock down.
On the bright side, we can now travel 25km from our homes, and there is no 2 hour time limit that we are allowed to be outside.

So the current status is.
There are still only 4 reasons to leave home: Shopping for food and supplies. Care and caregiving. Exercise and outdoor recreation. Study and work.

In summary, I can now go out for as long as I like, with in 25km of my house to buy food, and exercise as the other 2 don't count.


Dammit Dan, Don't drown us in deep covid despair.  :peepwall:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Sam

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #743 on: October 19, 2020, 09:49:04 am »
Hectic. How long has it been now?
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #744 on: October 19, 2020, 10:40:37 pm »
I have been at home since March. we has a slight respite for about a month somewhere in the middle where the pubs were open for about a week.
This second phase has been since the beginning of September.

Such is life.
In other news.
I searched far and wide for a company that would print my book (all the letters that you have been reading)
I eventually found a place in SA that would do it for R165 a book. (yes its pricey but its not like I'm printing millions)
I asked them to print 30 and have them delivered to my sister-in-law in JHB.
They arrived this morning.
and
they
printed
the
wrong
version.........
I'm shattered.
In the correct version I had written a special message to the important people that had made this possible. And now they will never know that....
FUCK-A-DUCK
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Sam

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #745 on: October 21, 2020, 09:43:22 am »
Ah hell,,,,! Good opportunity for a handwritten message instead? Only 30 of them,,,,,,,
 

Offline roxenz

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #746 on: October 21, 2020, 10:35:53 am »
Write a nice personal letter thanking everyone by name, and include signed copies with the books.
 

Offline >>Thump°C

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #747 on: October 21, 2020, 02:20:49 pm »
Write a nice personal letter thanking everyone by name, and include signed copies with the books.
And as you are originally from Benoni, send them COD
Boys will be Boys.
And girls are darn thankful for that
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #748 on: October 21, 2020, 10:52:34 pm »
Write a nice personal letter thanking everyone by name, and include signed copies with the books.
And as you are originally from Benoni, send them COD
:laughing4: :laughing4:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #749 on: October 21, 2020, 11:01:00 pm »
Write a nice personal letter thanking everyone by name, and include signed copies with the books.
I did think about that. But the logistics of getting the handwritten note to them is tough seeing as we cant post anything to South Africa at the moment.
The only courier that is shipping out of VIC at the moment is DHL and it costs $140, that's R1400,00 to send an envelope under 500g.
No stress though.
Living on the island has taught me many lessons, one of them is patience. And being calm in the middle of a shit storm.
I wrote a polite letter informing the company of my distress at the unfortunate discovery and they have committed to correct their mistake.
So even though the timeline will be tight to get everything delivered by xmas, I'm sure we can make it happen.
That also means that there may be extra books up on offer.  :thumleft:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #750 on: October 26, 2020, 06:04:11 am »
Lock Down Continues.  :'(
0 new cases today, and still we sit and prey that Dan will set us free.  ;D
Ai Tog
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #751 on: October 27, 2020, 02:03:19 am »
0 cases today again
Dan has given us parole, with conditions.
Viva the Revolution*!!!!  ;D

*Revolution! of the earth around the sun.
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Offline Mr Zog

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #752 on: October 27, 2020, 03:07:19 am »
0 cases today again
Dan has given us parole, with conditions.
Viva the Revolution*!!!!  ;D

*Revolution! of the earth around the sun.

My boss' name is Dan.

He never gives me parole  :sip:

 8)
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #753 on: October 27, 2020, 03:46:22 am »
 :laughing4: :laughing4:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Sam

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #754 on: October 27, 2020, 10:13:44 am »
0 cases today again
Dan has given us parole, with conditions.
Viva the Revolution*!!!!  ;D

*Revolution! of the earth around the sun.

Is there anything left of the local economy?
 

Offline ican

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #755 on: October 28, 2020, 06:06:24 am »
I would definitely be interested in purchasing a copy if any become available. :spitcoffee:
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Offline Welsh

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #756 on: October 28, 2020, 06:48:44 am »
0 cases today again
Dan has given us parole, with conditions.
Viva the Revolution*!!!!  ;D

*Revolution! of the earth around the sun.

I heard you are getting day release.  :biggrin:
When is this "Old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #757 on: October 29, 2020, 02:55:25 am »
0 cases today again
Dan has given us parole, with conditions.
Viva the Revolution*!!!!  ;D

*Revolution! of the earth around the sun.

Is there anything left of the local economy?

Hard to Tell. I do know that there are lots of people looking for jobs right now!!
Other business have been printing money.

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #758 on: October 29, 2020, 02:56:30 am »
I would definitely be interested in purchasing a copy if any become available. :spitcoffee:

As soon as I get more info I will post an update here!!! :thumleft:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #759 on: October 29, 2020, 02:57:35 am »
0 cases today again
Dan has given us parole, with conditions.
Viva the Revolution*!!!!  ;D

*Revolution! of the earth around the sun.

I heard you are getting day release.  :biggrin:

Going on the second day today WHHOOOHOOOOO!!!! :imaposer:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
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