Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register

Author Topic: Australia.... The Island Saga  (Read 49215 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #780 on: November 15, 2020, 11:46:17 pm »
... While I was contemplating the meaning of life and if 47 really was the answer ....

no, it is 42  ;D

fok, no wonder I'm struggling..  :imaposer:
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #781 on: November 16, 2020, 12:00:54 am »
Hello All,
Just a quick Book Update.
Books "Booked"
Mr Zog, Please pm Address
Karel 84, Please pm Address
ican, sorted
Mox, sorted
Boersoeknbike, Please pm Address
G@dget, sorted

There are 7 books left.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline tulips

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Peugeot (all models)
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 752
  • Thanked: 40 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #782 on: November 16, 2020, 04:39:26 am »
Book please
Pm sent
Very funny Mr Geller can i please get my bike back
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #783 on: November 16, 2020, 06:59:47 am »
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline mox

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Kawasaki KLR 650
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 2,051
  • Thanked: 132 times
  • Formerly knows as HONDAKAWA11
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #784 on: November 16, 2020, 09:52:34 am »
BOZO you bliksem! How much do I owe you and how do I pay you ?

:thumleft:
Klr 650 , Z800 - My blood is green.
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #785 on: November 16, 2020, 12:07:51 pm »
BOZO you bliksem! How much do I owe you and how do I pay you ?

:thumleft:
Dude I’m trying my best. . The time difference is a killer and my Admin skills are shit. I will send you the details in the morning I promise...


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline mox

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Kawasaki KLR 650
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 2,051
  • Thanked: 132 times
  • Formerly knows as HONDAKAWA11
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #786 on: November 16, 2020, 12:39:33 pm »
BOZO you bliksem! How much do I owe you and how do I pay you ?

:thumleft:
Dude I’m trying my best. . The time difference is a killer and my Admin skills are shit. I will send you the details in the morning I promise...


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro

Awesome  :thumleft: Thank you
Klr 650 , Z800 - My blood is green.
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #787 on: November 16, 2020, 11:49:46 pm »
For those that are waiting for details from me re the shipping costs.
I know, Admin is not my strong point, but I did some research this morning and according to postnet website the cost of sending from postnet to postnet is R100, seems pricey but I'm out of touch with what stuff costs now days?
https://www.postnet.co.za/domestic-postnet2postnet
It's the same all over the country so that makes it a touch easier (for my admin skills)  ;D

I'm still waiting on the details for the bank account so when I get those I will pm them to the people waiting for them. (yes I know who you are  ;D)

Untill then here is something to keep you going.


"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #788 on: November 17, 2020, 12:19:14 am »
In any good story there needs to be some background fodder to set a stable base of understanding, if one is talented enough one could evoke some stirring of an emotion from the reader.
If after reading this, I have managed to stir up some kind of physical or emotional response, I would consider my intentions a resounding success.
Fear not dear reader this is not another whinge about Covid, lock-down or some such, as I believe that these true to life events would probably have happened anyway.
It all started shortly after Wonder Woman had completed her multi-stage-self-improvement-project frenzy.
Our offspring, Trenticles and Spiderpig were doing their own thing, we, the happy couple, were basking in the afternoon sun (a mild 18 degree day) under wonder woman’s new gazebo.
The braai was on, the steak was ready to be tanned, and the beer was cold. We were discussing the different possible methods of trying to grow grass in a City that only sees sun for six weeks of the year.
This may seem like a trivial thing for the common man, but, I’m no common man and one needs to remember that in South Africa, you just gooi some grass down, water and mow.
Boom three weeks later you have a lawn.
Well here on the island it’s not like that. For the last several weeks I had been meticulously preparing the lawn, aerating it with spiked shoes I bought from Bunnings, removing weeds, scattering seeds and fertilizing.
If you perchance had happened to be passing by whilst I was aerating the lawn you may have been mistaken for thinking that I was toyi-toying on my lonesome.
Seeing a forty-plus, balding, pale, fatman attempting a silent dysfunctional impression of Jonny Clegg doing the Zulu war dance is not a pretty sight….. Trust me.  :eek7:
Aaaaaaaannnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhoooooooo our discussion moved on from grass to the fern trees that line our back yard, they are as unsightly and messy as a collection of shiny new Renaults lined up on a showroom floor.
Just like the Renaults suck the value from your pocket so do these trees block the morning sun, delivering its much needed nourishment onto my prison cell sized lawn.

The funny thing about basking in the sun, sipping ice cold beer and shooting the breeze is that, sometimes, one agrees to things quicker than one should.
Wonder Woman, cunningly said we should cut them down. And before I could stop myself, my head was nodding like one of those plastic toy dogs you see in the back window of a supa-tjuned holden commodore.  :snorting:
We needed to plan the way we were going to do it, as one does not just cut down eight trees and cart them away.
No pal.
We have one green dustbin that is collected every two weeks by the council. That green dustbin can hold about half a tree, if all the branches are cut small enough and the logs are trimmed to dry out for our fire pit (one of the WW projects). The primary plan evolved to an agreed one tree at a time and dispose of, over four weeks, what cannot be used, this will keep the garden neat and we will eventually have morning sun in our back garden, which will be larger by about another two meters.


And that when it started to go wide of the mark.

Imagine you are watching a school play go horribly wrong, the girl is about to kiss the guy, everyone is in position, the pianist is tinkling the ivories in a soft romantic melody, the crowd of bored parents are struggling to stay awake and it happens.
Enter stage left, Trenticles arrives, in his path of destruction he knocks over the stage props, trips over the microphone cord, slams into the leading actress delivering an accidental blue eye, rips her shirt showing some titty and in a final crescendo of havoc, vomits into the open grand piano that was on loan from the local museum.

You think I’m taking kak? Let me explain.
TBC
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Wooly Bugger

  • Grey hound
  • ****
  • Bike: Buell Ulysses XB12
    Location: Asia Pacific
  • Posts: 9,798
  • Thanked: 435 times
  • DILLIGAF?
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #789 on: November 17, 2020, 12:47:48 am »
This is not life or death. It is an internet forum.
 

Offline Mr Zog

  • Well fuck me, I'm a
  • Grey hound
  • ****
  • Bike: Honda XL500S
    Location: USA
  • Posts: 8,284
  • Thanked: 506 times
  • Without the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #790 on: November 17, 2020, 01:58:57 am »
 :sip: :sip: :sip: :peepwall:
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
 

Offline RrP

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #791 on: November 17, 2020, 06:42:56 am »
Bozo is back !!

Sent from my SM-N970F using Tapatalk

 

Offline BigEd

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: NER-A-CAR
    Location: Western Cape
  • Posts: 2,252
  • Thanked: 118 times
  • Panorama, Cape Town
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #792 on: November 17, 2020, 08:03:50 am »
Dude, I'm supposed to be working....now I'm watching this.... :patch:
81 XT500 (sold) 82 GPZ550 (sold)
04 XL650V Transalp (sold) 01 XL1000V Varadero (sold)
88 DR750s Dr Big (sold) 01 R1150GS BMW (sold)
84 XT600 Tenere 34L (sold)
?? Trek 6000 martelpyp (gave the stupid thing away)
 

Offline Dunnes

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW F650GS / Dakar
    Location: Gauteng
  • Posts: 766
  • Thanked: 57 times
  • Name: Dickie Talma
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #793 on: November 17, 2020, 01:54:32 pm »
F5, F5, F5!!!
 

Offline Wooly Bugger

  • Grey hound
  • ****
  • Bike: Buell Ulysses XB12
    Location: Asia Pacific
  • Posts: 9,798
  • Thanked: 435 times
  • DILLIGAF?
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #794 on: November 17, 2020, 10:20:37 pm »
@BOZO come back home. We forgive you.
This is not life or death. It is an internet forum.
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #795 on: November 18, 2020, 02:06:32 am »
Admin stuff done, hopefully I have replied to everyone I was supposed to reply to.
For those living in foreign countries please be patient as im waiting for the books to land on the island, once they are here i will post them... (wwwwooooosssaaaaaa) just relax peeps.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline BOZO

  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: Yamaha XT 660 Z
    Location: Australia
  • Posts: 1,089
  • Thanked: 75 times
  • Eschew obfuscation
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #796 on: November 18, 2020, 02:29:16 am »
You think I’m taking kak? Let me explain.


The next day after the discussion about removing a single tree on a scheduled basis Trenticles had returned from one of his jaunts, and we were discussing with him what our plans were.
Being a newly qualified adult, he had nothing to do on Monday, so he volunteered to assist.
Sweet!!! Free labour, this is going to go better than I had hoped for.
Eventually Monday arrives like an unwanted ingrown toenail and I’m sitting at my desk being a good citizen and doing my job, Trenticles, emerges from his cave at a decentish hour, dressed in labour clothes, seemingly ready to chop down and chop up the first tree.
All seems to be going to swimmingly well, I hear the repeated chop chop chop in the background and I’m content in the knowledge that this young adult will perform the job as instructed.
Thirty minutes later I decide that it’s time to check on his progress, as he has now come round to the front and is complaining about blisters, needing plasters and some other kak.
I round the corner to spot not one, but two fallen trees, laying across the lawn, they have been severed off at waist height and there is shit laying everywhere …….
Deep breath, let’s not berate a willing participant I tell myself. Instead I say, calmly.
“Dude, I only wanted one chopped down, please don’t cut any more. Now just chop them into smaller bits and stack them against the wall so they can dry out, then place what you can into the green dustbin.”
For a fellow that has been trying unsuccessfully to consume the daily mass production of Victoria Bitter brewery he is looking a little tired and says that he is just going to rest then he will finish off the job.
Fair enough I say and return to work, after all what is done is done, it’s not like I can put one of the trees back up.
Twenty minutes later I see the Suzuki reversing out of the driveway.
Testicle has left the building.
“Hmm that was quick” I think to myself as I continue with my daily mundane tasks. Eventually, knock-off time comes round and I pop round to the back to inspect his handy work.
Well, out there in the back, there were still two unmoved trees, leaching their toxic juices onto my already struggling lawn, suntanning themselves like dassies on a bolder.
Testicle was not returning as he was apparently called to the beach by some punani.
I don’t know if you have ever shouted at someone in your head because they are not there.. Well as much as you try, that voice in your head cannot go as loud as you need it too.
I dragged these two trees off the grass with the full intention of delivering a snot klap when Testicle returned. I won’t get into specifics, but this never happened as the next time we saw him it was a Friday and he had invited one of his convict friends round for “a chilled evening at the back”.
Normally I would kak him out anyway, but the Aussie kids are sensitive to death threats and his mate was hobbling round with a moon boot and crutches from an unrelated drinking accident.
Saturday dawns with birds chirping in the background, I get up and make some coffee, before I have a chance to release my morning sadsa snake, I hear the Suzuki leaving the house, Testicle and Broken Foot Boy have left “Hmm that’s early” I think, “oh well must be for work”.
I kit up for the weekend chores and stroll outside to mow the lawn to find, wait for it, ANOTER FUCKEN TREE, laying on my grass.
During their “chilled evening” they cut down another tree and then proceeded to attempt to burn it.
At this point I’m not even sure I have the energy to cry, I start picking up branches and the tree trunk to move it onto the already huge pile waiting to be cut into smaller pieces when I spot a broken hacksaw blade….
“No” I think to myself. “Did they actually try to cut down a tree with a hacksaw?”
I walk into the garage, still shaking my head at their stupidity of it, to fetch the extension cord to discover my crosscut saw, typically used for cutting accurate joints in wood work, lying on the counter, shaped in an unusual U shape, and my Jigsaw foot is covered in resin.
URGH what next….
Yep you guessed it, thats not all, in an effort to coax flames from a green stump they used half a can of WD40 as a propellent.
It’s not often I’m at a loss for words, but on this particular morning I was gobsmacked.
This destructive tornado has come to deliver its soul breaking force on my psyche, it has shown no mercy and it feels like it’s not quite done just yet.
I spent my Saturday cutting up the three trees moving logs and doing my best to repair my trampled and burned grass, eventually I could not bend over anymore as my aching back was now broken.

Fortunately for us Tuesday was a public holiday as the islanders like to watch horses run around a large field, the weather was going to be a comfortable 26 degrees and Wonder Woman and I planned to have another Braai.
I was pretty jubilant at the prospect of a four-day week so when the phone call came on Monday afternoon that Testicle was bringing a different mate home so I thought little of it.
We sat outside on the stoep and talked till late enjoying the company, and we laughed together when I told Ballbags friend about how he was destroying my garden and my will to live.
We discussed their plans to become instant millionaires and how when they start working they can become CEO’s of fortune 500 companies. Life was good, but sleep was needed, so us oldies buggered off to bed.
Tuesday morning arrives and I hear the Skazuki leaving again, I cant get out of bed with my usual gusto as I have damaged my cushions between my spine from the heavy lifting but it doesn’t matter its public holiday and there is no hurry.
Remember its going to 26 degrees, we are gong to have a braai. I’m making a mental list of things to do, like buy charcoal and beer.
I take some pain pills and relegate myself to light duties, surely the combination of sun and relaxing will fix my back.
Eventually I emerge to back garden to water my lawn and prepare for the braai to discover, yet again........
ANOTER FUCKEN TREE, LYING ON MY LAWN…………
This is 100% the truth, no extra drama added.
I think he hates me and wants me to die from an aneurism.
If anyone is looking for a house guest, I have one that I’m willing to give you, comes with a passport, a mullet and a dented Silver Suzuki. 
Until next time, if there is.
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
1150 GS, 1200 GSA, 125 KX, WR450  (all sold) :(
XT660Z
 

Offline Mr Zog

  • Well fuck me, I'm a
  • Grey hound
  • ****
  • Bike: Honda XL500S
    Location: USA
  • Posts: 8,284
  • Thanked: 506 times
  • Without the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #797 on: November 18, 2020, 02:44:36 am »
I think you need to work on your communication skills BOZO...

Obviously you didn't explain what needed to be done properly, and the poor kid is just trying his best to please you and do his bit for the home and the household.

You only have yourself to blame  :deal:























 :pot: :pot: :pot: :peepwall: :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer:
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
 
The following users thanked this post: BOZO

Offline jaybiker

  • Old school=Old's cool.
  • Race Dog
  • ***
  • Bike: BMW R1150GS
    Location: Eastern Cape
  • Posts: 3,836
  • Thanked: 319 times
Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #798 on: November 18, 2020, 08:40:52 am »
What a story  :lol8:, but for some reason it reminds me of an episode of two and a half men, in which one of the Harper brothers, can't remember which, being all DIY minded is repeatedly exhorted to "Call The Guy".

But I guess I know the answer to that one, The Guy is probably moersa expensive. Besides, then there'd be no hilarious story to tell.  :imaposer:
Succumb not to the erosion of those born of unconsecrated union.

"Two Wheels, an engine and a place to sit." What more do you need?

2021 a milestone. 60 years a biker.
 
The following users thanked this post: BOZO

Online Ri

Re: Australia.... The Island Saga
« Reply #799 on: November 18, 2020, 09:44:11 am »
Crying with laughter...  :imaposer:
 
The following users thanked this post: BOZO, adamktm