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Author Topic: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters  (Read 20243 times)

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Offline JFE

Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #160 on: March 03, 2021, 11:51:32 am »
The new normal?




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Offline big oil

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #161 on: March 03, 2021, 07:26:59 pm »
 

Offline BOZO

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #162 on: March 05, 2021, 08:27:46 pm »
Bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually

attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from

the gentleman who is seated over there.' .and indicated the sender

with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few

seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to

him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note

from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a

Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches

in your pants '

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own

in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed

him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear

to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and

a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have a beautiful homes in

Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over

twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off

three inches. Just send the bottle back.


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Offline big oil

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #163 on: March 05, 2021, 09:58:54 pm »
 :laughing4:
 

Online Gene

Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #164 on: March 09, 2021, 05:15:21 am »
 :imaposer:i :imaposer: :imaposer:
 

Offline THROTTLE JOCKEY

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #165 on: March 09, 2021, 04:24:58 pm »
 :sip:
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Offline BOZO

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #166 on: March 09, 2021, 09:01:38 pm »
A man sees a sign outside a house -
'Talking Dog For Sale .'
He rings the bell, the owner appears
And tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk,
The man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders.
Because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping,
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years."
"But the jetting around really tired me out,
and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
So I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport
to do some undercover security work,
Wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings
and was awarded several medals.
I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man was amazed
He goes back into the house and asks the owner
how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10.....!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing!
Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard,
He's never been out of the garden."


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Online Grunder

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #167 on: March 10, 2021, 03:19:03 pm »
A man sees a sign outside a house -
'Talking Dog For Sale .'
He rings the bell, the owner appears
And tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk,
The man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders.
Because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping,
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years."
"But the jetting around really tired me out,
and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
So I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport
to do some undercover security work,
Wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings
and was awarded several medals.
I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man was amazed
He goes back into the house and asks the owner
how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10.....!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing!
Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard,
He's never been out of the garden."


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 :biggrin: :biggrin:
« Last Edit: March 10, 2021, 03:19:25 pm by Grunder »
the Truth will offend at first
 

Offline Bundu

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #168 on: March 10, 2021, 06:49:25 pm »
 :lol8: :lol8: reminds me of talking snakes, bushes and donkeys  ;)
 

Offline MegaPix

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Offline BOZO

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #170 on: March 16, 2021, 09:11:23 pm »




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"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)
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Offline Welsh

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #171 on: April 05, 2021, 09:58:40 am »
😎
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Online Dorsland

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #172 on: April 05, 2021, 10:00:31 am »
They may need to issue barf bags though.  :peepwall: :lol8:
'Tis the time’s plague, when madmen lead the blind.

King Lear
 

Offline Welsh

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Re: Funny quotes, memes and laughable matters
« Reply #173 on: April 05, 2021, 10:03:10 am »
 :sip:
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