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Author Topic: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica  (Read 732 times)

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Offline LeonDude

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State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« on: May 08, 2020, 02:55:15 pm »
So seeing as I am no longer allowed to voice my opinion on what is happening in my home country, I have decided to cast a bit wider, and see what is happening in the rest of the world to try and make sense of this whole mess.
To this end, I am focusing on Australo Farcefrica, where things have degenerated into a clusterfuck of note.
Their president, one Squirrel, has been sidelined by members of his cabinet and others. To note, Minister Smug (of traditional affairs, which in Australo Farcefrica includes but is not limited to nepotism, cronyism, nicking the tax money and running off with it, fraud and corruption, to name but a few)(She is a very busy minister this one. Like a BEE. Zum zum), has forced through a smoking ban so that her cronies in the cigarette smuggling operations can make a bit more moolla (Moolla’s is their official currency), while their minister of police, The Masked Hat, has banned alcohol in an effort to make the crime statistics look better, all under the guise of a virus which was not invented in a lab in the country of Chingaling.
I will see what I find, and might, or might not, depending on the current law, report back to you.
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Offline Dorsland

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2020, 03:00:44 pm »
Mooi Leon, never say die.  The pen is indeed, mightier than the sword.

Especially these at close quarters...
'Tis the time’s plague, when madmen lead the blind.

King Lear
 

Offline ClemS

Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2020, 03:03:13 pm »
 :sip:
The brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.
 

Offline Bommelina

Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2020, 08:14:46 pm »
Keep it coming.
(This cANCer clusterfuck will destroy sunny RSA.)

hh
 

Offline LeonDude

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2020, 08:39:23 pm »
More from Australo Farcefrica
From what I can understand, Squirrel, Minister Smug and the Masked Hat, together with agent ‘Cousin’, had a meeting in which no minutes were kept. These un-kept minutes were then deemed to be Top Secret and Classified Information not to be shared with the public. Straight forward, Finish and Klaar.
On the streets, the White Warkers, or ‘White Ghosts’ (pale specters which inhabit the country. Van Riebeeck again, I’m afraid), as they are more commonly known, are grumbling after they were informed that they may not partake in the bounty of the 500 Billion Moolla ‘Free For All’ announced by Squirrel. These White Ghosts are not allowed to hold high office, trade with government or pick their noses, whichever comes first, until further notice. Instead they are used to prop up the economy from the underside, from where they have the unfortunate view of Minister Smug’s dirty underwear, which includes the panties she wore on a week-long holiday with her friend Adrianno Sayed.
As for the people of Australo Farcefrica?
What I can tell you is that the innovative people of Australo Farcefrica have gone back to their roots, some to their root vegetables. Having read that cabbage can be fermented to make sauercraut, and fish can be fermented to make yack, they have gone balls to the wall and are keeping the doctor away by fermenting apples, sugar and water. Sometimes they use pineapples, but these have become expensive. As for the root vegetables, I am told that potatoes are a good one.
Smoking has been harder, and it took the importing of 20 Cuban doctors to supply the nation with some much-needed cigarellos, to say nothing about the Australo Farcefrica Partying Communists with a much needed cash injection.
As for our own beautiful and beloved country, there are, by Government Decree, nothing to report.
So until next time, have a good time. Just don’t drink or smoke. Or go out. Or do anything else you are not allowed to do. Or say anything you are not allowed to say.
Regards
LeonDood.
Great news, my book 'Sniffer' has seen the light of day on Amazon Kindle!
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Offline GRIM

Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2020, 02:08:28 pm »
The pen is indeed, mightier than the sword.


But not in the dark...
Alcohol is essentially nature’s Leatt Brace – with it, you might not be able to move worth sh*t, but you can take a slam or two and be no worse for the wear.
 

Offline Dorsland

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2020, 02:52:07 pm »
True. It's time to take up the pen in the right hand and the sword in the left. So that we may record why we were driven to resistance.
'Tis the time’s plague, when madmen lead the blind.

King Lear
 

Offline LeonDude

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2020, 09:14:15 pm »
According to reports, Minister Smug of Traditional Affairs has something to say. Her spokesperson, Cyril Ramapokker, will be delivering her message to the nation of Australo Farcefrica tomorrow evening at 19:00, which will be delayed to 19:30, then 20:00, then 20:30 and finally to whatever time the SABC feels they can fit him in. In the program slot, because he sure as hell cannot fit into the lift.
In other news, RAPS supermarkets have upped the price of pineapples to R50 per pineapple, but forgot to stock up on yeast. Somebody should explain things to them.
Cigarettes on the Slightly non-white market are selling at record high prices, while the army has been told not to shoot the people anymore, as bullets are expensive.
Great news, my book 'Sniffer' has seen the light of day on Amazon Kindle!
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Offline landieman

Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2020, 05:22:59 am »
This reporting has a strangely true ring to it,as comparison can be drawn to our current position in SA


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don't worry about things you can't change,change the things you can.
 

Offline Splash

Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2020, 07:18:55 am »
Loved your last post - what has this world / "Australo Farcefrica" come to. Thanks. Might be the end of the Moolla, barter by means of cigarettes on the way or are they trying to stop that?
« Last Edit: May 24, 2020, 07:19:29 am by Splash »
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Offline LeonDude

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2020, 04:46:06 pm »
No discussion on another country’s government can be complete without a proper amount of conspiracy theories, and in this issue on Autralo Farcefrica I would like to debunk one or two of them.

The first is that the ruling party decided, weeks and weeks ago, that they did not want to have to deal with all the troubles of the nation anymore, and therefore decided to lock the nation in the cupboard. Or, to be more precise, to lock the nation in their own homes.
There is no truth to this, you hear? Nothing. Forget about it.

The second is that, having failed at the above strategy, and also realizing that their tax money was quickly starting to run out and Johnny Walker Blue is expensive and they don’t actually have any work so they need that tax moollas, they came up with a different agenda.
This was the get rid of ALL the people, then search their homes for apple cider. According to the theory, which I have to once again point is completely untrue, the method they were going to use was to kill all the people.
The method was thus. One part of government would tell the people to cough into the crook of their arms. (The elbow, that would be).
Another part of government would tell people to not greet by hand, because that spread covid-19, but rather by touching - you guessed it, elbows, thereby spreading the disease as far and wide as possible.
However, having quickly realized that this would erode their tax-base to almost nothing, and with the Masked Hat still adamant that the general population was not allowed booze, and that there might thus not be a lot of booze in the people’s houses, they have had to come up with a third, alternative plan.
This, as I have previously pointed out, is completely untrue.
The plan was easy: Get rid of the rich so that they could grab their money, because everybody knows that the rich, those sneaky fuckers, don’t pay tax. Also, they had to get rid of the poor, because they didn’t have money to pay tax. But, and this was very important, the middle class, those law abiding tax payers that were not a pain in the arse like the rich and the poor, had to stay intact.
The plan which they came up with, no wait, which they didn’t come up with, or which they might have come up with but it turned out to be only a conspiracy theory, was brilliant.
They realized they had to confine Covid-19 to the homes of only the bastardly rich and the criminally poor. Having realized this, they drank some more Pynappel Bier and thought of a particularly clever plan, and the very next day, while still leker babelaas, they put their plan into action.
It was thus announced that yes, domestic workers would be allowed to return to work, but only if taken to work by private transport. Now, we all know that only the stinking rich can afford to drive their Eve’s to and from Soshanguve to Waterkloof, or between Tembisa and Waterfall estate. And so on and so forth. Thus, the spread of the disease would stay between ultra rich and ultra poor, and the middle class would have just enough money left to pay taxes and brew pynapple bier.
Just remember that there is absolutely no truth in the above theories. Government said so. In any case, you live in South Africa, not Australo Farcefrica, so you have nothing to worry about.
Lucky you.

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Offline roxenz

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2020, 08:22:11 am »
Sharp and witty. Leaves one twixt laughing and crying.  :imaposer: :'(
 

Offline Hardy de Kock

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2020, 08:25:32 am »
This reporting has a strangely true ring to it,as comparison can be drawn to our current position in SA


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Yep - amazing how similar different countries are
 

Offline LeonDude

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Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #13 on: June 02, 2020, 08:55:04 pm »
Today, in Australo Farcefrica, the wind generation capability was hit directly by the unused byproduct of energy demand transformation services. Or, like they say in less polite conversation, the shit hit the fan. But that is impolite and we don't talk like that.

The high court ruled that level 3 and 4 lockdown regulations were invalid.
The way I see it, J.Udge from the high court could be in trouble.
The regulations says that any person who says anything against government is in contravention, and will be given a fine, or six months in prison, or both. But they will not be given cigarettes or booze, nor both, or either.
Thus J.Udge said something against what the government had declared. But in doing so, he negated the contravention, thereby contravening the contravention which he had negated.
This had the ministers involved, and their spokesperson Squirrel, so confused that they forgot whose turn it was to down the shot of Johnny Walker in their game of 'Think up a funny regulation.' for Covid Regulation #17, or CR-17 as it will be known once it is published.
Squirrel, who has lately taken to wearing a mask while reading out new proclamations by his bosses so that nobody can see him smiling at the lies (which doesn't work because he has a nasty habit of giving a little cough at the end of each lie), was looking worried while reading the ruling.
South African's, safe in the knowledge that government is looking after their each and every wish, was hugely relieved to know that their rulers were not such blundering buffoons.
Great news, my book 'Sniffer' has seen the light of day on Amazon Kindle!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N664WIH
Check out my website for free short stories!
http://www.leondekock.com/short_stories.html
 
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Offline ClemS

Re: State of the nation in Australo Farcefrica
« Reply #14 on: June 03, 2020, 11:05:03 am »
Today, in Australo Farcefrica, the wind generation capability was hit directly by the unused byproduct of energy demand transformation services. Or, like they say in less polite conversation, the shit hit the fan. But that is impolite and we don't talk like that.

The high court ruled that level 3 and 4 lockdown regulations were invalid.
The way I see it, J.Udge from the high court could be in trouble.
The regulations says that any person who says anything against government is in contravention, and will be given a fine, or six months in prison, or both. But they will not be given cigarettes or booze, nor both, or either.
Thus J.Udge said something against what the government had declared. But in doing so, he negated the contravention, thereby contravening the contravention which he had negated.
This had the ministers involved, and their spokesperson Squirrel, so confused that they forgot whose turn it was to down the shot of Johnny Walker in their game of 'Think up a funny regulation.' for Covid Regulation #17, or CR-17 as it will be known once it is published.
Squirrel, who has lately taken to wearing a mask while reading out new proclamations by his bosses so that nobody can see him smiling at the lies (which doesn't work because he has a nasty habit of giving a little cough at the end of each lie), was looking worried while reading the ruling.
South African's, safe in the knowledge that government is looking after their each and every wish, was hugely relieved to know that their rulers were not such blundering buffoons.

And the minister did not have the Bells (read balls) to appear in court herself so she directed a general to face the farce. Walked away a farced face eventually.  :pot:
The brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.