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Author Topic: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR  (Read 417 times)

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Offline Goose

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IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« on: May 24, 2010, 02:08:08 pm »



  Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
    A. Ruthless.

  Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?

    A. German Shepherds.

  Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in
liquidation.

  Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew
out a little prophet.

  Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a
Honda, because the

        apostles were all in one Accord.

  Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
      A. Samson. He brought the house down.

  Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to

       why he no longer lived in Eden ?
      A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.


  Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker

     in the Bible?
    A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

  Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
    A. The area around the Jordan river, the banks were always overflowing.

  Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
    A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

  Q. W hich Bible character had no parents?
    A Joshua, son of Nun.

  Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
    A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan .....)

  PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
      Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "He-brews"
"Life is a Waste of Time..... Time is a Waste of Life........ Get Wasted all the Time and have the Time of your Life"  ‹(•¿•)›
 

Offline Gypsybaron

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2010, 09:57:59 pm »
Q: Who was the first biblical person to smoke?

A: Rebekah in Genesis 24:64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the Camel.
“All education is self-education. A teacher is only a guide, to point out the way, and no school, no matter how excellent, can give you education. What you receive is like the outlines in a child’s coloring book. You must fill in the colors yourself.” Louis L'Amour - The lonesome gods
 

Offline Robski

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2010, 11:11:07 pm »
 :imaposer:
Kawasaki KX60 (1997). Yamaha TW200 (1998). Honda XR 200 (1988). Yamaha YZ80 (1998). Yamaha YZ125 (2000). Kawasaki KX250 (2006). 5 Vespa's  ('63 - '69) . Aermacchi / Harley Davidson Brezza 125 (1967). Honda XRV750 Africa Twin (1999). KTM 990 ADV. R (2010). All gone. Now have.. Vespa 125 Super '67.  KTM 690 (Oryx RS kit to come)
 

Offline Stofstreep

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2010, 06:26:09 am »
They even had Scooters in Biblical times.......
Lydia the pur-pur seller.
Be careful of the words you say.
And keep them soft and sweet.
For you never know from day to day.
Which ones you'll have to eat.
 

Offline Buff

Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2010, 08:42:36 am »
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’.
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If you're dumb you gotta be tough !!!
 

Offline CorCorlia

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2010, 08:48:09 am »
Q: Who was the first drunk man in the bible?

A:  Moses, he was found "motherless" between the reeds!  ;D
 

Offline Kreesh

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2010, 08:54:17 am »
Q: Who was the first drunk man in the bible?

A:  Moses, he was found "motherless" between the reeds!  ;D

Sorry CK.  The first alcoholic was Abel.  He was killed by Cain.
 

Offline CorCorlia

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2010, 09:01:59 am »
I know!  It's just funny... (you know, like a joke?)  ;D
 

Offline bronzy

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Re: IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2010, 10:04:25 am »
How do you know Adam and eve was not Chinese ???
They would have left the apple and eaten the snake :mwink: