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Author Topic: Let's Just Offend Everyone...  (Read 334 times)

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Offline Freak

Let's Just Offend Everyone...
« on: April 07, 2011, 01:32:36 pm »

   think its been posted before... but still a goodie!

    I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.  A poor homeless man sat there and said,  "I've not eaten for two days".

    I told him,  "I wish I had your f**king will power"! 


    TOP TIP:  If you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, ----- it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.

    Wish me luck,  I appear in court next Monday.


    I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today...

    Apparently the instruction  'finish off on her face'  didn't mean what I thought it did.


    A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, "sorry about the wait".

    I said, "don't worry fatty, you are bound to lose it eventually."


    Snow in the forcast!  The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself  'fat chance with a face like that!'


    I have a new chat up line that works every time!!  It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them.

    Here's how it goes, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?  Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"


    Years ago it was suggested that 'an apple a day kept the doctor away'.  But since all the doctors are now Muslim,  I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!


    I took my Biology exam last Friday.  I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.

    Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.
Italjet - still have
YZ 80 - sold
Suzuki TS - 50 - broken
2x YZ 250cc - sold
Kawa KDX 200 - sold ZX - 6R - sold Suzuki GSXR 1000 K4- broken and in the bin Suzuki GSXR 1000 K5 - sold BMW GS 1150 - sold KTM 950 adventure S - sold Currently:  '79 BMW Bobber '63 BMW R50/2 '62 BMW R60/2 with sidecar '54 BMW R26/2 ... Still in kit form '74 BMW R75/6 custom .. In progress '82 BMW R80 G/S

Offline Adventurer

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Re: Let's Just Offend Everyone...
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2011, 01:40:21 pm »
If you can keep your head in the midst of all this confusion, you don't understand the situation!

Offline Grrrr....

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Re: Let's Just Offend Everyone...
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2011, 01:45:18 pm »

You have to be fast to beat Lynne

And the way the girls from 'Friday drinks' go on you need two livers as well.  :D