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Author Topic: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke  (Read 189503 times)

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Offline Kuifie

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Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« on: July 22, 2011, 09:41:08 am »
Brakpan girl goes to Home Affairs to register for child benefits.

"How many children?" asks the assessor?

"Ten" replies the Brakpan girl,

"Ten?" exclaims the Home Affairs worker.

"What are their names?"

"Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie and Kosie "

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Brakpan girl. "It's great because if they are out playing

in the street I just have to shout Kosie, YOUR SUPPER'S READY or Kosie GO TO

BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Home

Affairs worker.

"That's easy," says the Brakpan girl... "I just use their surnames"

How do you know you're staying in a Brakpan Motel?

When you call the front desk and say, I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk

replies: 'Go ahead'.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Brakpan to

32?

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Brakpan murder:

1.  The DNA is all the same

2.  There are no dental records

Who invented the toothbrush?

A Brakpanner (If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been

called a teethbrush)

A new Brakpan law was just recently passed...

When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Did you hear that the Brakpan Mayor's mansion burned down?

'Ja, almost took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss

too. Both books went poof . . ..   Up in flames

And the Mayor hadn't even finished colouring one of them!'

Brakpan Pick-up lines:

1.   "Your pretty eyes is laaik spanners... Evrie taaim I looks at you, my

nuts taaiten"

2.   " Jou Pa se tollie moes seker 'n chillie gewees het, want jy's  hot!!"

What do you call a woman wearing a white tracksuit in Brakpan on a Saturday

afternoon?


The bride ....

 

   


"If the left side of your brain control the right side of your body, only left handed people are in the right mind"
 

Offline matt

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2011, 10:32:59 am »
 :thumleft: :imaposer: :imaposer:
 

Offline Duracell

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2011, 04:23:18 pm »
Brakpan is GEEN grap  :imaposer:  :imaposer:
My moto: "Assumption is the Mother of all F#@x-Ups" - moet net nie van DRANK vergeet nie - 2de grootste oorsaak............
 

Offline Kuifie

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2011, 09:02:45 pm »
"If the left side of your brain control the right side of your body, only left handed people are in the right mind"
 

Offline Biker Chick

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2011, 09:57:48 pm »
Brakpan meisies is goedkoper as n Please Call Me!

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Offline Biker Chick

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2011, 10:02:35 pm »
Hulle is so arm, hulle gaan in die aande KFC toe om die mense se vingers af te lek!

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Offline Pote

Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2011, 07:50:33 pm »
gaan kyk net hier                   :imaposer:

http://localislekker.net/2011/07/21/people-of-brakpan/
 

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2011, 02:02:12 am »
Biker Chick,jy rerig snaaks  :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer:
Focus on the journey, not the destination.
Of all the things I have lost in life ,what I miss the most, is my mind.
 

Offline Big H

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2011, 08:57:22 am »
Koos and Kallie from Brakpan were in Pretoria for the Super 14 Final when they suddenly spotted this sign on a shop window:

Suits R20--00 each
Shirts R10--00 each
Trousers R8--00 per pair

Koos says to his pal. 'Hey Kallie, check at that! Bliksem, we could buy a whole load of those clothes... then when we get back we could resell them and make us a moerse fortune!' 'Now listen boet, when we go into the shop you keep your big mouth shut,hey! Just you let me do all the talking and wheeling and dealing stuff, because if they hear your BRAKPAN accent, they might try to rip us off. I'll be giving them my best PRETORIA accent so they think we're locals.'

They go in and Koos says, 'Excuse me sir, I'll take 50 of your finest suits at R20 each, plus 100 shirts at R10 each, and 50 pairs of your
trousers at just R8 each. I will be paying in cash, and taking those items with me today, if you don't mind.'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You from BRAKPAN, right?'

'Err....ja' says Koos, 'how do you know?'

The owner says, 'This is a dry-cleaner, you twatwaffle!'
 

Offline Hentie @ Riders

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2011, 09:01:21 am »
 :laughing4:  :laughing4:  :laughing4:  :laughing4:  :laughing4:  :laughing4:

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2011, 12:47:48 pm »
Young Brakpan girl is preparing for her wedding and her mother gives her a final bit of advice `Griekie you know tomorrow night is your honeymoon and your husband is gonna want to stick his prize posession into where you pee!` she repies` don't talk stupid to me Ma, how the hell is he gonna fit his Ford Escort into our sink?? :biggrin:
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Offline missinglink

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2011, 05:58:47 pm »
Young Brakpan girl is preparing for her wedding and her mother gives her a final bit of advice `Griekie you know tomorrow night is your honeymoon and your husband is gonna want to stick his prize posession into where you pee!` she repies` don't talk stupid to me Ma, how the hell is he gonna fit his Ford Escort into our sink?? :biggrin:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-NO!!! :imaposer: :imaposer: :imaposer: :eek7:
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Offline EtienneXplore

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2011, 06:07:21 pm »
 :ricky: :ricky:



Offline Biker Chick

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #13 on: July 31, 2011, 10:46:22 am »
Wat is die verskil tussen 'n Brakpan egskeiding​ en 'n tornado?
Een van hulle gaan 'n caravaan verloor!

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Offline Kuifie

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2011, 08:09:48 am »
Wat is die verskil tussen 'n Brakpan egskeiding​ en 'n tornado?
Een van hulle gaan 'n caravaan verloor!


 :imaposer:
"If the left side of your brain control the right side of your body, only left handed people are in the right mind"
 

Offline Wooly Bugger

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #15 on: August 01, 2011, 11:38:28 am »
 ;D
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Offline Biker Chick

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2011, 08:36:27 am »
Dis hoe mens vra vir Sex in sekere areas van Suid Afrika:

Pretoria: "As ek jou nooi vir 'n dvd by my plek, kan ons dan stout raak?"

Kaapstad: "Jierts djou lekke ding, wil djy Lawaai?"

Brakpan: "Hey Babes, gaan jy buk of moet ek jou trip"

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BMW1200GS - Yeeeehaaaa
 

Offline Kuifie

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2011, 08:39:44 am »
 :laughing4: :imaposer:
laat ons lawaai
"If the left side of your brain control the right side of your body, only left handed people are in the right mind"
 

Offline Biker Chick

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2011, 11:04:06 am »
Wat doen n Brakpan ou as hy die lotto wen?.. Hy koop n stel Ferarri mags vir sy Ford Cortina!!
« Last Edit: August 15, 2011, 11:04:30 am by Biker Chick »

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Offline Biker Chick

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Re: Brakpan...............gooi jou beste Brakpan joke
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2011, 11:08:56 am »
JAN van Brakpan bel die tandarts:"More Dokter, wat kos dit om n tand te trek?" 
Tandarts:"Die totale koste sal R285 wees"
"Blinde bliksem! Hoekom so duur?" Vra Jan
Tandarts: "Ons moet eers konsulteer, dan n x-straal neem en dan kan ons eers trek"
Jan:"Wat sal die prys wees as ons die konsultasie en die x-ray skip?"
Tandarts: "Jong, dit bring n bietjie risiko mee maar sal die prys afbring na R157"
Jan: "En as ons dit sonder verdowing doen?"
Tandarts:"Dit is nie gewone praktyk nie en gaan bitter seer wees maar sal n verdere R20 goedkoper wees"
Jan:"Wat van as een van jou trainees die tand trek?"
Tandarts: "Ek kan dan nie professionaliteit waarborg nie maar dit sal die koste verminder na R75"
Jan: "Nog beter, hoekom laat ons nie een van jou studente die tand trek nie terwyl die ander studente toekyk as deel van hulle opleiding?"
Tandarts: "Dit sal goed wees vir die studente maar dit kan baie traumaties raak vir die pasient. Sou ons hierdie roete gaan sal ek jou slegs R10 vra"
Jan: "Nou praat jy my taal my tjomma!! Kan ons dan n afspraak bevestig vir my vrou vir Dinsdag 9-uur?" .

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